After hours, of course, so no one gets hurt. But if there was one spot in the city (or, in fact, the whole world) that I’d destroy, it would be the Second Avenue Max Brenner’s.
I hate it. I have to walk by it on my way to and from the gym, and it makes me physically upset. So thank goodness Frank Bruni demolishes it in his review.
And the substantial menu of dishes other than desserts — omelets for breakfast; salads, sandwiches and quiches for lunch and dinner — show that the standards aren’t particularly high. A congealed lasagna Bolognese could have been the work of that great Italian artisan Chef Boyardee.
I will buy everyone in this city a can of Spaghetti-O’s if we can shut down Max Brenner’s. Not that that would matter, since the place is dominated by tourists (and if any actual New Yorker sets foot in there, they deserve to be banished to Bakersfield), but the offer is still on the table.
**To clarify: Max Brenner’s is a restaurant that serves chocolate-everything, along with basics like sandwiches and soup. The food is terrible. The restaurant is ridiculous. It’s basically mall food. It particularly irritates me because they just opened one in my neighborhood which, though totally gentrified, has until a few years ago been pretty free of chain restaurants. It also makes me particularly angry because it’s about half a block away from one of the best dessert places in Manhattan — and yet it is always full of tourists who read about it in their guidebook. I want to shake them and tell them that they’d be better off at McDonald’s, and that if they’re going to come to the East Village, there are about 500 cute and delicious restaurants that they can eat at. There are a handful of things that I hate so much that I feel tense and twitchy just thinking about them. Those things are Nicholas Cage, Fergie, and Max Brenner’s.**
So share: What do you hate? And what or who would you (non-violently, of course) remove from the earth — or at least from the public?