Who knew Rudy was walking around New York concealing those guns?
Since the release of a video featuring Donald Trump unwittingly speaking into a hot mic about how great it is that his celebrity allows him to nonconsensually grab women’s genitals without consequence, Trump has thrice dismissed the celebration of sexual assault as “locker room banter” or “locker room talk” — once in a statement early Friday, and twice during the second presidential debate, where he also dismissed it as “just words.” It’s the casual chatter that inevitably arises when men find themselves alone together, pantsless, unencumbered by any responsibility to act like women are human beings.
Pro athletes across the U.S. have united to say that, in fact, such banter is not acceptable in any of the locker rooms they frequent. (You can take that with as many grains of salt as you choose; my unscientific survey of dude friends who’ve spent time in locker rooms turned up a rousing yes on “talking about women you’ve boned/tried to bone” and a resounding hell-no on “talking about sexually assaulting women with impunity.”) But it raises the question: If that banter isn’t happening in the locker rooms of the Dodgers or the Falcons or the Clippers, in which locker rooms is it taking place?
Here’s a list of dudes who obviously spend a lot of time in locker rooms surrounded by guys who talk about grabbing women by the pussy whether they want it or not, such that they believe most men are abusive misogynists:
Onetime Chachi Scott Baio on Fox News:
Ladies out there, this is what guys talk about when you’re not around. So if you’re offended by it, grow up, okay? And by the way, this is what you guys talk about over white wine when you have your brunches.
This is true. I was at brunch with my girls the other day and had one too many glasses of Chard and I was, like, “Check out that hot waiter. I’m glad I’m blog-famous, because I’m about to go over there and grab me a handful of some unconsenting man-bulge.”
Wait, no, that didn’t happen, we mostly talked about boots.
Likely gym attire: T-shirt with the arms cut out, basketball shorts, weightlifting gloves even when he isn’t lifting weights
Actor and Google conspiracy theorist Jon Voight via Twitter:
Likely gym attire: Polo shirt from whatever course he’s playing, because how many times has he played golf and he always forgets a collared shirt? Oh, Jon.
CNN commentator and former Trump wrangler Corey Lewandowski on CNN’s The Situation Room:
You know what we don’t know — and I’m not trying to change the subject here — we don’t have any understanding what Hillary Clinton has said in those meetings with Wall Street where she was paid for these speeches. She’s never released those transcripts. For all we know, same things are being said in that regard.
I did a Cmd+F of the speech excerpts recently uncovered by WikiLeaks, and the words “Grab ‘em by the dick” didn’t appear anywhere. It’s possible that she used a different euphemism for penis, though. (Good job totally not changing the subject, Cor.)
And on CNN after Sunday’s debate:
That’s what is said in a locker room. I’ve been in a lot of locker rooms. Don’t kid yourself, okay? Don’t kid yourself.
Likely gym attire: Hanes crewneck, short-shorts like Navy SEALs wear, sunglasses worn inside
Trump campaign spokesperson and Honorary Locker Room Guy Katrina Pierson on Fox News:
Look, I have two brothers. I was in sports, so I was around a lot of athletes. This truly was two men who had what they thought was a private conversation talking about an attractive woman. Um, he calls it “locker room banter,” and… […] I’ve also been around a lot of famous athletes and Hollywood celebrity types, and that is the entertainment culture.
Likely gym attire: Capri-length leggings, oversized campaign t-shirt with Trump’s face all cut up
Honorary Locker Room Guy and former judge and DA Jeanine Pirro on Fox News’s Fox & Friends:
And I can tell you unequivocally that whatever that locker room talk was, whatever that frat house language was, honestly, most Americans get it. Women talk about things and men talk about things.
Likely gym attire: Leggings, tank top, and a surprising amount of weight on that bar (respect)
Honorary Locker Room Guy and frequent Hannity guest host Gina Loudon on Hannity:
[I]t would be interesting to ask a men full of — a roomful of men if they have never said anything remotely like that, aside from maybe pastors and priests, right, in their lives, because I think that was locker room talk.
Likely gym attire: Full-body Lulu, right down to the skin
Billionaire investor Carl Icahn calling in to CNBC:
Over my years I’ve listened to a lot of salacious talk in locker rooms, bachelor parties, et cetera, by a lot of high-level people, some of whom are now supposedly outraged. […] It is amazing that everyone is outraged by something that everyone knows is going on in every locker room in the country.
Likely gym attire: Whatever he damned well wants to; the last gym attendant who made eye contact with him now works night shift at a Planet Fitness in Peoria
Former Trump opponent Dr. Ben Carson:
I’ve heard much worse than that, much worse than that in locker rooms. […] Much worse, believe me. Much, much worse.
Likely gym attire: V-neck undershirt, scrub bottoms so everyone knows he’s a surgeon
Rudy Giuliani on CNN’s State of the Union:
We’ve all taken it to an extra degree of what he said. But the fact is that men at times talk like that. Not all men, but men do.
Likely gym attire: Uncomfortably small running shorts, New Balances, knee socks
So there they are: the men (and women) who believe that it’s not just acceptable but natural for men to talk about how easy it is to get away with sexual assault, as long as there aren’t women around to hear how degrading, demeaning, and abusive they really are.
Avoid these people. And for the love of God, avoid them at the gym — misogynist, conscienceless, and ripped is a dangerous combination.