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In which Caperton indulges in a moment of feminism-adjacent (if that) nerd rage

Caperton

[Content note: Very little, if anything, to do with feminism, and everything to do with Caperton taking self-indulgent advantage of an available forum]

You’ll have to pardon me for a moment, because a significant facet of my childhood has been mishandled much in the manner of a 19th century Spanish fresco. And yes, the imperfect yet beautiful original is the Jem cartoon, and yes, the nightmare-inducing Hodor-Jesus restoration is the Jem and the Holograms live-action movie.

According to the trailer, Jerrica Benton is a camera-shy high school student who becomes YouTube famous for a video of her playing a song she wrote, predictably leaked worldwide by her sister Kimber, leading to an out-of-nowhere record deal from The Biggest Record Company in the World. And then they all go to the Big City to rehash the plot of Josie and the Pussycats, minus the campy self-awareness, to the close-harmony strains of a One Direction song.

So here comes the nerd rage. Are you ready? Brace.

JERRICA BENTON IS A WOMAN WHO OWNS HER OWN RECORD COMPANY. Her band? The Holograms? Known as “The Holograms” because THEIR SECRET IDENTITIES ARE CREATED USING HOLOGRAMS. GENERATED BY A SUPERCOMPUTER. PROJECTED FROM JERRICA’S EARRINGS. EARRING HOLOGRAMS. And the show wasn’t about egos and infighting — it was about four (successful, supportive, ethnically diverse) young women coming together to… solve crimes, or something, I don’t know, it was a long time ago, but they were all in it together. With EARRING HOLOGRAMS.

(As compared to a movie helmed by a team of dudes who didn’t even consult the actual creator of the actual show at any point during production. I predict that if it ends up failing at the box office, it’ll be blamed on the moviegoing public’s lack of interest in female protagonists.)

Realistically, is there any way to create a live-action movie in 2015 that involves supercomputer earrings and holographic rock bands and isn’t completely over the top and ridiculous? Probably not, no. So you don’t try. You make your heartwarming story of a stage-frightened young woman exploring her sense of self in a social media-driven world, and you call it Hannah Montana. If you wouldn’t make an Iron Man movie in which Tony Stark finds and restores a red-and-gold ’68 Camaro and drives it across the Southwest as he tries to find his own identity in the overwhelming shadow of his late father, then keep your damned hands off of my beloved childhood cartoon.

/nerd rage

(We now return you to our regularly scheduled actual feminist programming.)

22 thoughts on In which Caperton indulges in a moment of feminism-adjacent (if that) nerd rage

  1. Never watched it but I join you in your rage against ruining 80s childhood shows. Sick of these remakes or reboots or whatever they call it.

  2. Tony Stark finds and restores a red-and-gold ’68 Camaro and drives it across the Southwest as he tries to find his own identity in the overwhelming shadow of his late father, then keep your damned hands off of my beloved childhood cartoon.

    OK, not that I disagree with anything you’re saying, but I would watch the shit out of this. Maybe with like a really despondent Captain America who hates everything about the modern world providing tragicomic relief.

    1. Remember that time Captain America actually had the balls to tell a black man how much better and more righteous America was in the 40s?

      1. I am not hugely up on the Captain America canon but if you’re referring to The Winter Soldier movie, didn’t he say the exact opposite?

        1. I thought the movie also had two really great scenes with Samuel L. Jackson- one where his paranoia is explained in unmistakably racialized term through a backstory about his grandfather working as an elevator man, and another where he snaps at a couple policemen eying him in his SUV: “want to see the lease?”

          Of course, they turn out to be evil Nazi assassins, but it’s still a great, poignant little moment, where one of the (presumably) most powerful and politically influential black people in the fictional world is being profiled for driving his shiny government-issued car.

          All just IMO as a non-black moviegoer, of course.

        2. @ludlow22

          Kinda like that scene in MIB 2 when the auto-driver (a realistic-looking White man) is activated. When K asks if that comes standard with the car, J says, “No, it came with a Black guy, but he kept getting pulled over.”

  3. Jem wasn’t my thing as a kid, so I really don’t feel strongly one way or the other. Except that since I am a long time comic fan, I have seen my fair share of adaptations that don’t hold up to the source material. I’ve personally made the decision to not care how remakes or adaptations are done. It’s really not of great consequence in your daily life. Basically I try hard to suppress the need to engage in nerd rage. Having said that, the original concept sounds way more pro-female with the idea of Jem owning the company, etc. Sounds like a stronger concept.

    Not sure how it became about Iron Man and Captain American, but I like your concept of him fixing up the car etc. People seemed upset about Iron Man 3 for a bunch of reasons, and I wonder if part of it had to do with (spoiler alert) his girlfriend dealt the killing blow to the villain while Tony laid on the ground helpless. I thought that was pretty bold. I suspect a lot of nerd rage was expressed over Tony’s girlfriend doing his fighting for him. I liked that movie over all.

    Interesting to note about Captain America and black people: The reason why Sam Jackson plays Nick Fury is because several years ago, Marvel decided to update their characters in a new line of comics called “Ultimate Marvel” Someone floated the idea of Captain America being black in this new version. There was protest to it, and so they kept him white. They then made Nick Fury black instead (he is traditionally white) and the artist based the look on Sam Jackson… the original design looked just like him. (I figure that was a big selling point to casting Jackson as Fury) Just think, without the protest and the decision to make him white again, maybe Jackson would’ve played Captain America instead.

    Then, in response to the “Captain America must be white” thing, some other creators made a comic called “Truth: Red White and Black” that told the story of the black platoon of soldiers that they tested the super soldier serum on in secret before injecting it into a white soldier. They were kind of referencing the Tuskegee syphilis experiment at the same time. There was then a single black survivor from the test subjects that had an early adventure as the first true Captain America.

    I don’t read this stuff now a days, but I think for a while, or maybe still, they have the character of the Falcon, a black guy, carrying the mantle of Captain America. I guess ten years later, it’s acceptable all of a sudden. Anyway, that whole thing colors my perception of the Captain America character. Pretty weird how a guy who was invented to fight Nazis has to always be depicted as a handsome muscular blonde ubermensch white man.

    1. A lot of people will tell you that Captain America was made a blonde blue eyed white man as some kind of ironic retort to Nazi beliefs, but I’ve never seen any evidence that this is actually the case.

    2. I like Fury as a character more than captain america. I think Jackson got the better deal, even though he doesn’t have his own movie. Fury is a million times more interesting. And bad ass, frankly. Plus, Jackson IS Fury, while just about any blonde actor could be Captain America.

    3. People were upset with Ironman 3 because Killian was a weak ass villain and the trailers pulled a massive switcheroo on fans.

      We thought we were getting the Mandarin and then it turns out we got “The Actor” (yes he’s actually an iron man villain and a really crappy one) and no Mandarin, no ten rings. False advertising in essence.

      Now there are… hints… really really low down deep hints that we are still going to see the “real” Mandarin at some point but, probably not. It was just a disappointing third act.

  4. “Jem” was one of my favorite cartoons growing up. I even had a pair of knock-off synergy earrings!

    I saw the trailer yesterday, and it looks like it might be a cute story…but it’s not Jem’s story. There’s this part in the trailer where Jerrica touches her ear and says, “Showtime, Synergy”, and I’m like “Okay, so is there a giant hologram-producing supercomputer in this movie or what?” That was the one and only mention of Synergy.

    And where the fuck are The Misfits?!!!

    1. One thing I do like is how it’s being advertised as Jem “and her three sisters” – biological sister Kimber, foster sister Aja (Asian), and foster sister Shana (Black, or at least she was in the original series…)

      Seriously, though, Shana (in the series) had dark skin and a big, beautiful, purple afro!!

  5. Fun story Re: JEM.

    This show caused childhood me some great confusion around the song “Welcome to the Jungle” as well well as the actual real-life band, The Misfits.

    “That’s not what that song sounds like! Those aren’t even girls singing!”

  7. If you wouldn’t make an Iron Man movie in which Tony Stark finds and restores a red-and-gold ’68 Camaro and drives it across the Southwest as he tries to find his own identity in the overwhelming shadow of his late father, then keep your damned hands off of my beloved childhood cartoon.

    Yeah, see, I think I can move this back towards feminism for you (or rather, point out that it was always about feminism). There’s this disturbing trend I’m seeing lately of consciously de-powering female characters (who were framed as powerful and empowered within their own narratives) in reboots or adaptations. Scarlet Witch goes from Holocaust survivor and badass to yet ANOTHER chick written by Joss Whedon that’s Broken and Fragile and needs her Caring Male Person to help her while she does that head tilt while looking at things. Carol Danvers got written out of the Avengers movie canon afaict. Kitty Pryde’s arc was stripped from her and given to Wolverine wholesale in Days of Future Past. Katara was turned into a whiny pissbaby in The Last Airbender. I could go on and on and fuckin’ on.

    This is explicitly, clearly about removing the integrity of female characters in order to make them more giggly-girlish, more insecure, more dependent upon the men around them, and less, well, PEOPLE.

    1. What? Scarlet Witch was born in Transia and kidnapped by the High Evolutionary …her parents were holocaust survivors but I don’t ever recall her or Quicksilver being holocaust survivors. I’m confused.

      I’m still waiting for the explanation behind Kitty having send your mind back in time powers. I think they just slapped that onto her because people who don’t read comics watch the movies, but like the actress who plays Kitty.

        1. I was all good grief, did I miss some new storyline?? I never liked SW that much so it was entirely possible.

          I like the ones less popular like Penance ( now Hollow….suckier name ) Wicked and SAGE. But they’ll never make an appearance I’m sure.

  8. I really wanted to watch Jem when I was a kid, but my mom wouldn’t let me. To this day I don’t know why, but I still haven’t seen a single episode. I do remember once, when she thought I couldn’t hear her, she told someone she was afraid I’d want to do my hair like Cyndi Lauper, so maybe she was just afraid of rocker girls.

  9. Finally! I now have a place to ask embarrassing questions about Jem.
    I never really saw much of the series, but 2 things always left me confused:

    1. Why do the misfits hate Jerrica when she’s not being Jem?
    I get that they hate their rival band and that they’re evil and mean to the Holograms, but shouldn’t they be super nice to her when she’s not disguised? They don’t know that she’s one and the same person, they only know that Jerica is, ooh… I don’t know… THE SOLE HEIR AND OWNER OF THE BIGGEST MUSICAL RECORD COMPANY in the world?
    They should suck up to her at least, right? And it even makes for a more interesting world if the Misfits Had this dual thing going on of being nice / nasty depending on wether she was “hologramed” or not.

    2. Why Is it OK for milksop boyfriend to two-time Jerica with Jem? Sure they’re the same person, but HE doesn’t know that. Apart from a “ooh, he must be in love with my soul…” or something, it doesn’t make sense to tolerate this.

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