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A Batch To Match The Snatch

zuzu

In the “not terribly new news, but icky nontheless” file, a post from Broadsheet about a new specialty product for pubic grooming:

Hey, did you know that in addition to trimming, shaving, waxing, sugaring, laser hair removal, electrolysis and going au naturel, personal grooming options now include a specialized dye for pubic hair? Well, they do! As several alert Broadsheet readers informed us on Wednesday, fledgling cosmetics company Betty Beauty recently came out with a special, extra-sensitive dye “for the hair down there,” available in shades ranging from “Auburn” to “Fun.”

In our porn-influenced, improvement-obsessed culture, it was probably only a matter of time until someone thought to cash in with specialty muff dye. Probably some people are dyeing their nether regions already; the Beauty Betty site claims it’s common in Italy. And the product itself isn’t really any more or less problematic than other beauty aids. Like navel piercing or the Brazilian wax, pubic dye can be seen as a reminder of our culture’s unrealistic, objectifying standards for female appearance, or as an opportunity to be creative with one’s personal canvas. Still, being presented with yet another way to enhance oneself can feel like the last straw; one of our tipsters lamented, “Now we have to DYE our pubic hair?” What will they think of next, special decals for inside the vaginal canal?

I suppose Page Rockwell has never heard of colorists mixing up “a batch to match the snatch” for their clients to take home, so that really nobody but your hairdresser knows for sure. Marilyn Monroe, according to her maid, used to peroxide her pubic hair and then spend the day with an icepack on her ladybits. Though this is the first time I’ve heard of a dye that’s all extra-sensitive and made for the express purpose of matching the carpet to the drapes.

TMI time: I once gave pubic-hair dyeing a whirl. But I figured I’d do something a little more out there than just matching my hair color. So I bought some Jolen bleach and a jar of Manic Panic in a lovely shade of purple. And . . . wound up with a purple pubic mound and slightly tinted blond hair.

That stuff stains.

Thoughts?

28 thoughts on A Batch To Match The Snatch

  1. That’s the hottest story you’ve ever told. 😉
    Kidding, kidding. I guess I don’t think this is as icky as you do. If women want to decorate down there, more power to them. I mean, at least it’s decoration rather than some sort of evil vagina-hiding cream.

  3. Yeah: Manic Panic is absurdly overrated and totally useless. Special Effects rocks.

    Aside from that… honestly, the idea of dyeing grosses me out less than shaving or waxing does, but since pretty much everyone would have to bleach beforehand, I guess it evens out. I wonder if this will tilt expectations towards sparkly shiny decorated vulvas, though. The whole “hairless or near hairless” thing seems to be doing pretty well, but I guess one could dye what one has left?

    Or maybe the crazy rebel girls could dye and braid and shave little designs into their pubic hair. Hrm.

  4. I get a fashion/trend/expensive-themed daily email called DailyCandy, and this was the shop of the day yesterday. I didn’t think of this as an obligation to the Patriarchy – I thought it was a bit of fun and silliness. A bit of dressup on occasion, if you will. Admittedly, my very first thought was, “…does it leave an aftertaste?” because some things are much more important than looks.

  5. I’ve said before that I don’t associate the no-pubes look with prepubescence because not that long ago the look was almost exclusive to BDSMers. Well, if the trend goes the way of fully-coifed genitals, it wouldn’t bother me. I would be just as happy is hairless mean my kinda kinkster again.

  8. Marilyn Monroe’s pubic hygiene seems to be pretty public and known, even fifty years later. I can only imagine what her life would be like if she were starting her career now instead of then.

  9. I once gave pubic-hair dyeing a whirl.

    You’re certainly not the only one to try (my ex did it once, too). Apparently there is a market for this product.

  11. Okay, I misread and thought this was about dyeing pubic hair kewl kolorz. Dyeing it to match a natural-looking shade is dumb; therefore I’m opposed to this. The end.

  12. I do manic panic purple in my non-pubic hair whenever I have a job that allows me to.

    But yeah, dying pubic hair is a bit weird. Still the fact that you can honestly say you once had purple pubic hair, zuzu, makes you quite possibly the awesomest person ever to exist.

  13. Still the fact that you can honestly say you once had purple pubic hair, zuzu, makes you quite possibly the awesomest person ever to exist.

    Well, I can honestly say I once tried to have purple pubic hair, but I just wound up dyeing my skin purple.

    I’m actually eyeing that Fun Betty color, the pink one.

  15. or caning, which is both faster and produces a distinctive rippled texture. In understand some folks don’t tolerate the process well, however.

  16. Hmm, definitely with the whole “dyeing your pubes your natural color is stupid.” I mean…I AM a natural blonde (a few shades from platinum) and yet, not so much down there. Now, if they had cool colors besides the pink, (I loathe pink,) it would be kinda fun.

  17. Um, am I the only one that is not tempted in the least by vagina beautifying products? I just let mine be all natural. Is that an oddity in this day and age? And I’m not too old either…I’m 28.

  18. Uh, yeah. I just don’t give a damn myself; it just seems like another expensive, pointless beautification hassle. No one’s complained.

    (And for the record, I’m 21.)

  19. I wouldn’t dye my pubes, cause I don’t want to get chemicals near any sensitive mucus membranes. However, I was recently wondering how easy it is to dye leg hair – but I’d want a totally unnatural color (green, blue), cause if it’s gonna be obvious (and mine really is, when it’s had a couple months to grow), I might as well have fun with it. Sorta like, if you’re going to wear socks with your sandals, you may as well wear the fluorescent pink socks. 🙂

  20. Yes, I had a similar experience with Manic Panic…Punky Colors (if they still make it) worked much better lol!~

    And Caja: don’t know about dye, but you might try some colored mascara on the leg hair. I used a purple Benefit mascara on my eyebrows and it covered the dark completely without getting too stiff and gooey.

  21. I saw a picture once of a guy who’d dyed his pubes white, green, and red — and then gone one (or several dozen) steps further and tied in tiny bells and velvet bows. I was impressed, if a little nonplussed.

  23. However, I was recently wondering how easy it is to dye leg hair – but I’d want a totally unnatural color (green, blue), cause if it’s gonna be obvious (and mine really is, when it’s had a couple months to grow), I might as well have fun with it. Sorta like, if you’re going to wear socks with your sandals, you may as well wear the fluorescent pink socks. 🙂

    A tabby-cat effect would be interesting.
    Seriously, if you can figure out how to do the leg hair without dyeing the skin, that would look neat – like a halo of color on your legs.

  24. I’m 22 and of the mind that my vagina is not meant to be pretty- it’s a vagina. And no, neither will my cervix, clit or vaginal walls be decorated when that becomes the new trend.

  26. I’m 22 and of the mind that my vagina is not meant to be pretty- it’s a vagina.

    What’s not pretty about vaginas?

    I think the only thing I find objectionable about the product is that it’s not being marketed in a more neutral way. Pink man-fur? Oh yeah. I’m down.

  27. Mascara would rub off on clothing and furniture, though, wouldn’t it? Plus, it wouldn’t last as long as an actual dye . . . which could be a good thing, too, I suppose. If I end up giving the experiment a try (when I’m bored after finals), I’ll be sure to pass the results on here 🙂 I think I’ll probably have to apply some kind of bleach first, though, since my leg hair is _really_ dark.

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