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What Attracts You?

zuzu

Shakespeare’s Sister wrote about the damn pig in heels and was inspired by the discussion in her comments to ask the following question:

Do you have a very rigid physical type to which you are attracted?

I think it’s a damn interesting question, particularly given some of the discussion in this post.

So, let us know your thoughts.

109 thoughts on What Attracts You?

  2. Rigid, no. I tend to be attracted to tall-dark-almost-handsome types, but I never really gave it a conscious thought.

  5. If the only factor is physical appearance, then I would definitely have a “type.” But as soon as they start walking, talking and generally revealing their personalities, there’s just no predicting what will click.

  6. Heh. I have a mania for redheads of either gender. I think Ron Weasley is the height of cute hawtness. But usually I like my men big and beefy and redheaded and my women big and busty and redheaded. And I like bellies. I really, really like bellies. In fact, there’s a tv show on right now (that I won’t name) with a co-star who’s supposed to be this horrible piggish character, but all I can see is that he has red hair and a nice round belly. So go figure.

    And I’ve never been too attracted to thin of any gender, which doesn’t mean I’ve never fallen for thin people, just that it’s not my physical preference.

  7. This is weird, but seriously, my perception of someone’s physical appearance/attractiveness is ~60-70% personality. Thus, average and attractive guys literally turn ugly before my eyes if they’re assholes and the below-average to average ones morph into Prince Charming when they’re nice. I will literally start to focus only on someone’s bad features if I don’t like them, and I will become blind to them if I do.

  9. For me there’s no particular type – but usually I’m attracted to short, athletic women. But I find myself attracted to women of virtually all body types – it really depends on the woman herself.

  10. This is weird, but seriously, my perception of someone’s physical appearance/attractiveness is ~60-70% personality. Thus, average and attractive guys literally turn ugly before my eyes if they’re assholes and the below-average to average ones morph into Prince Charming when they’re nice. I will literally start to focus only on someone’s bad features if I don’t like them, and I will become blind to them if I do.

    Yeeeaah, I don’t want to sound like I’m kidding myself here, but the same thing happens to me. I don’t deny that I’ve got definite preferences, but the partners I’ve actually fallen for have been far more physically than personally diverse.

  11. All else being equal, I like ’em long and lean–but you wouldn’t know that from the people I’ve actually fallen for, who’ve been physically all over the map.

    I guess this is just coincidence, but I also notice this thing where right about when I’ve decided some particular feature or type is never acceptable (for example, weak chins), the next person I get attracted to has just that feature. I don’t know why that is, but it seems to prove that even when I think I’m being very rigid, I’m not, and that maybe I don’t know myself or my tastes as well as I think I do.

  12. If we’re going by looks alone, I’ve always loved guys with pale skin, thick dark hair and blue eyes, but I’ve dated almost every type of guy you can think of. The one common thread among them was that they were all funny.

    Personality, not looks, is what raises a guy’s status from one-date-wonder to boyfriend. If he’s an asshole, I’m out, no matter what he looks like.

  13. I’ve always counted myself lucky to live in a unverse where four out of five women are good-looking, as opposed to those poor souls who only like the look of one out of twenty or fifty.

    To the extent that I do have a “type”, she is tall (ideally, my height), broad-shouldered and broad-hipped, with muscular arms. Long brown hair and breasts “slightly larger than small” are a plus. I’ve been involved with two or three women who fit that profile, and I married one of them (she posts here as Older).

    The funny thing is, the women I’ve actually wound up with are all different shapes, sizes and colors. Older thought I must be most attracted to women shorter and plumper than herself because she’d seen me with some. We’d been married over twenty years before I happened to mention that in fact she was “my type” (I’d long showered her with praise as an individual, of course, with special care to express my unfeigned admiration for certain of her features which had gotten bad reviews from other men).

  14. No rigid type, but I do have preferences

    Brunette, olive skin…Valerie Bertinelli got me through puberty.
    Athletic and curvy…I think Serena Williams is super hot, as is Kim Clijsters.

    It’s not really important, I like plenty of other types, but if you want a favorite, there it is.

  15. Polite soft-spoken funny women with nice smiles make me roll over and show off my white fuzzy tummy for rubbings.

  16. This is weird, but seriously, my perception of someone’s physical appearance/attractiveness is ~60-70% personality. Thus, average and attractive guys literally turn ugly before my eyes if they’re assholes and the below-average to average ones morph into Prince Charming when they’re nice. I will literally start to focus only on someone’s bad features if I don’t like them, and I will become blind to them if I do.

    That’s not weird at all. 🙂 I’m the exact same way. I briefly dated a guy in college who was a male model, but he was dumb as a box of hair and kind of an ass so he very quickly became unattractive to me. I mean, he was still gorgeous, but in the same way as a statue is gorgeous – and I’m not exactly attracted to Michaelangelo’s David, yaknow? And I’ve found myself attracted to men who were very far from conventionally attractive. I think that a huge proportion of attractiveness, especially for introspective people, has to do with personality.

    I guess this is just coincidence, but I also notice this thing where right about when I’ve decided some particular feature or type is never acceptable (for example, weak chins), the next person I get attracted to has just that feature. I don’t know why that is, but it seems to prove that even when I think I’m being very rigid, I’m not, and that maybe I don’t know myself or my tastes as well as I think I do.

    That’s happened to me too. Baldness used to be my #1 turnoff, and I had never been attracted to men who were pale or fair or freckled. Then I met my bald, freckled, ginger husband and damn if he isn’t the hottest guy in the world to me.

    That said, for pure aesthetics, in my eyes you can’t beat lean, chiseled Japanese men (a la Takeshi Kaneshiro). But I’ve dated and loved and been attracted to men of all heights, all sizes, and all races, as well as a few women (who have mostly tended to be very, very plump and dark.)

  17. I always have difficulty with questions like these. Am I the only person on the internet who doesn’t feel sexual attraction based solely on aesthetics? I mean sure, I can sling the phrase “I’d do him/her/them” as well as the next person, but I have yet to experience anything remotely resembling lust for a person I don’t know. About the farthest along I get is something closer to the appreciation I have for nude statuary than carnal desire. If that’s what I’m meant to go by, then I’d have to say Asian women with glasses — and men, the ones who actually look like they fit in their skin (sculpted without being, you know, chiseled).

    If we actually look at my past and present partners as indicators: women, none yet (I have high hopes! I am still young!); men, about five-nine-ish and in the neighborhood of 240 lbs. Preferably in the belly, because I like Buddha bellies, they make me smile and feel all warm and cozy.

    So … I don’t know if that answers the question, but that’s what I’ve got to work with.

  18. As far as pure attraction, I like androgyny in either gender. When it comes to considering someone for a relationship, my tastes are wildly divergent and my past boy- and girl-friends are all very different from each other. The only thing they shared was that they were all taller than me, but that’s not hard because I’m rather short.

  19. Honestly, I give no thought to looks when on the prowl. None. Sure there has to be a physical attraction, but that blooms only after I’ve gotten to know the guy.

    Of course, I have basic and constant rules but they’re rules that most normal people adhere to anyway: good hygeine, good breath and the ability to do more than ogle my T ‘n’ A (such as it is) even though I might be wearing a kaftan and kevlar pants on our first date.

  20. the guys I usually find hugely attractive – meatloaf in RH/hurley in lost style – big, hairy, confident, clean shaven.
    guys I sually date – skinny geek boys. unusually hideously underweight because they “forget” to eat. with long hair and 3 day beards. no height requirement – shorter than me, or a foot with women – everything. anything. from short skinny types, to tall curvy types. prefer curvy, but find petite adorable.

    But as someone said above, this lasts about 10 seconds after they start talking. how they act/think makes their appearence shift to me. Someone I found unattractive can slowly become the sexiest person in the world because I know who’s behind the mask.

  21. In the last year or so, I’ve come to realize that I have a physical type who turns my head. Tall, slim brunettes with glasses.

    As far as women with whom I’ve actually ended up in bed? They’re funny. They’re all funny.

  22. The weird thing is that I’m hardly attracted to anyone, but the few people that I have been attracted to haven’t fallen into any particular physical type (different sexes, races, heights, weights, etc.).

  23. Hmmm. I mostly focus on faces. I like attractive faces, but I’m not sure of the patterns that my tastes consider as “attractive.”

    I do like women who are taller than me—say, 5’10” or taller—but that’s not terribly important. I often find androgyny and gender blending attractive, but that’s certainly not a requirement either.

    However, I am a complete and total sucker for a woman with a guitar and a great singing voice. Add a black leather jacket and I’m head over heals. 🙂

  24. This is a neat scholarly article about what makes a person attractive. It has three studies, each of which shows a significant effect of personality on what constitutes physical attractiveness. Right on common sense, but it ‘s good to see it statistically. To sum up the best parts, they found that a person’s “hotness” ranking of people in their own high school yearbook differed greatly from the ranking of someone who didn’t know any of them (the hot assholes were not ranked as hot by those who knew), and the physical hotness rating of people in the same class changed dramatically over the course of a semester – a “plain” person who contributed greatly over the semester got ranked higher as “hot” by the end, and a pain in the butt had her hot ranking drop by the end.

    For me, I wouldn’t think I have a type, but if I think of all my crushes over the years, tall, lanky nerd shows up most often.

  26. guys with glasses, grey hair, wrinkles around the eyes and the mouth, lanky and athletic, old man types
    or
    my height or a bit shorter, stocky, bald or balding (yeah, I like it, ok?) man types
    or
    long hair, elven, thin, pale, gothy boy types

    I love dark eyes of all kinds.

  27. Mmmm. With men, I notice hands and voices first. Then senses of humour. With women, it’s curves and attitude. I go less by physical type than I do that indefinable ‘chemistry’.

  28. I don’t, not really. Like most people, there’s certain little things I prefer – the long, lean body type, red hair, blue eyes, glasses, a nice smile, and suchlike. But they’re in no way set in stone, and as many have previously commented, personality is a huge factor in whether I find someone attractive.
    Being any combination of shy, polite, witty, smart and friendly will transform a previously average-looking person into the definition of sexiness, whereas being arrogant, smug, bigoted or otherwise unpleasant will put me off even the most handsome of gentlemen. I’ll certainly appreciate looking at someone pretty, but true sexual attraction only comes when you know what the person is actually like.

  29. I always go for guys with full lips, nice cheek/jawbone construction, good teeth and nice arms. I usually end up with guys who are lean and muscular, and almost always with guys who have an urban/preppy style. And I generally go for darker guys (eyes, hair, skin tone) over lighter ones, although I have been known to dabble in redheads.

    But as others have said, personality does shape physical attractiveness. Being in love with someone will make me swear up and down that they are the most beautiful person who has ever walked the earth; thinking someone is an asshole will make me physically repulsed by them.

  30. Short answer, no. I’ve been attracted to such a broad spectrum of men (and at times, women) that I know my “type” is not physical but a personality type. I gravitate toward clever folks with a dry sense of humor who don’t mind getting nasty but who manage to be classy about it. I just finished watching The Office (BBC version) for the first time and have a huge crush on Tim. He’s my type.

  31. I have an ongoing weakness for broader shoulders and upper arms, although not the kind you get from working out at the gym, just from lifting stuff every day.

    Are men who look relaxed and smile easily a type?

  34. I tend to go for the athletic type women, but I think that’s because of and a less traditional attitude about gender roles, at least among the athletes I’ve known. Someone who is dressed to the nines at the bar? Not interested.

    Physically, the most important thing is the face, I suppose. But like the previous commenter, I have no idea how to define what an attractive face is to me.

  35. In terms of attraction, I tend to go for pale skinned, skinny, dark haired men. It’s not particularly rigid though, as my husband is average height/weight and has light hair, although my ex boyfriend fit it to a tee. I agree with the commenters who said that a personality can make a person appear more or less attractive. When I first met a friend of mine’s boyfriend, I thought he was hot. The more I got to know him though, the uglier he appeared. I couldn’t even objectively find him attractive.

  37. Yes, first and foremost, my beloved must be able to make me laugh. But, having some ten years ago fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with the most wonderfully witty, charming and accomplished man whose physique could best be described as “Spike the Bulldog upright,” I subsequently find myself forever unable to be attracted to small and skinny.

    Sadly, my dearest Spike left this world all too soon, but his influence on my tastes is everlasting. My current companion is a bit more of a Buddha than a bulldog, but he does have expert command of the Enveloping Embrace. And, as my own figure has gradually gone from an Alberto Giacometti to a Gaston Lachaise, this task is best accomplished by a man of substance.

  38. Ewan McGregor.

    Well, seriously, nice smiles, nice hands, and taller than me. And since I just barely hit 5’3″, that’s easy. That goes for either gender, too. Gender-specific? Guys without full beards (it’s a Freudian thing, my dad has always had a massive beard) and women with nice chests. And by “nice” I mean pleasingly in proportion and well supported.

  39. As Propagandhi said, “I’m scared of my attraction to body types.”

    My attraction for a person seems to run about 96% intellect, personality, and wit and 4% physical.

    I also tend to discriminate against certain body types, such as the beef-cakey guy and the ultra-slim gal. A strong adherence to gender stereotypes is a major turn-off for me.

    Having removed myself from certain forms of mass media, such as television and its horrific advertising and women’s glamour mags, I’ve noticed a change in my perceptions of “beauty” over the years. I believe we are strongly influenced by what we see held up as the ideal and the norm for our physique.

  40. I tent to like relatively skinny, nerdy guys with glasses. Height doesn’t really matter (my husband is almost 6 inches shorter than me), but they must be intelligent and witty. And I love glasses on a man. Before I met the husband, I didn’t really like balding or hairy, but the husband is both and I really like it on him. As far as pure aesthetics go, Stephen Colbert is pretty much the definition of “hot” to me.

  41. I only meet people on-line, so physical type isn’t really a factor in the initial attraction. None of those people I’ve felt notable chemistry with has had blond hair, but that’s about the only consistent characteristic.

  42. Women I find attractive tend to skirt the line of androgyny in personality, mannerisms and dress, but tend to be more feminine due to curvy shape and strident identification with womanhood. I tend toward women of my own age, but there’s a 10 year range on either side for me as well.

    I’ve noticed that I’m always attracted to women of my own race, particularly those of Scandinavian extraction. While I might notice the beauty (by any measure or standard, including my own) of women of other races, I’m not specifically attracted to them. I find that intriguing, and wonder what others may think/say of it.

  43. But usually I like my men big and beefy and redheaded and my women big and busty and redheaded.

    Heh. I’m Kactus’s type. (Unless by “big” you mean tall. I’m a shortie.)

    I agree with the many commenters who have said that physical attractiveness is dependent upon personality. There have been times when someone whom I didn’t initially find to be super physically attractive has become very attractive to me after I realize that I’m very attracted to his personality. And then, that person’s features become attractive to me in general, because they remind me of that person.

    But looking back on guys I’ve been attracted to, I do find some consistencies – dark hair, nerdy glasses, pale skin. But not everyone has fit that type. I’ve been attracted to men of all shapes and sizes, different ages, different races – it really is all about personality.

  44. Personality is definitely the MOST attractive trait to me. Like others have said, someone whose physical appearance I previously paid no attention to can suddenly become the most enchanting person I’ve ever met within one conversation. A great sense of humor, humility, a love for music and the ability to engage in a lively debate is very sexy to me.

    I do have to say, though, that I generally fall hardest for the shy, boyish looking guy with a sweet smile, great lips, and very expressive eyes. Most have been on the shorter side, as I am. My husband fits this to a tee. However, I always do a double take for a dark haired man with green eyes!

    And though I’ve never had a relationship with a woman, I find all shapes, sizes, and colors of women absolutely captivating.

  45. Now, if I were the type to go up to women on the street — in order: long hair, long legs, nice, er, chest, skin color towards the extremes (very light or very dark, depending on genotypal tendencies), pear shape

  48. I like athletic women. Lean and muscular isn’t as important as the attitude of competence and compteitiveness and health projected.

  49. After much reflection, I note that the only thing all my girlfriends (and now wife) have in common is that they are all short (tallest was 5’6″, wife is 5’2″).

  50. Purely physically, I like slightly chubby women and thin men. For white people, I prefer super pale, but I like darker skin in general. I like men to be taller than me. I’m five feet tall. Then again, I can be moved on this easily.

  52. i generally like folks who are femme. but i’m also one of the ones who falls for a certain physical type and then never hooks up with them. the people that i’ve actually been with are fairly physically diverse.

  53. I’m not sure if I have a specific physical type (other than tall and skinny and cute), per se, but I do find ONE lone person attractive enough to sleep with on an average of 2-3 years. Which is pretty sad. Everyone else looks like George Costanza to me, and I just can’t find them appealing.

  54. It took me years to consciously notice that the people I was attracted to all had two things in common: dark brown eyes and straight dark brown hair. Like most here, there’s been a lot of variation in the people I actually end up with, but strangely this has been a bit of a constant. Coincidence or pattern? You decide.

    Probably what I find most attractive physically in prospective partners is strength and solidity. I’m a pretty solid and strong person, and people who are not often get irritated with the kind of physical buffeting that results from a relationship with me (I’m one of those rough-housing people).

  55. For pure aesthetics I have a definite preference – tall, skinny (slightly nerdy is no minus, but not a requirement), pale skinned, dark haired, with blue eyes. A short, neat beard is a plus.

    My husband? Umm – he’s tall, other than that no resemblence, and he’s the hottest thing going as far as I’m concerned. A couple of times I’ve seen him from a distance or at an odd angle and not recognized him immediately. I’m always shocked that he’s not drop dead gorgeous objectively speaking, because to me, he is.

  56. I do sort of have a “type”, or maybe a few “types”, but in the field they don’t hold up.

    In high-school I really went for medium to tallish redheads with nice curves (think Dana Scully, Laur Prepon), but I’m also completely powerless against short curvy/plump girls with short dark hair. Anything between tall-and-classic-hourglass-curves and short-and-plump is ideal, and glasses are a big plus.

    In practice I’ve gone for a wide range: short Jewish girl with gorgeous big ass, tall Filipino/Indian skinny girl, pale mid-height white girls with Playboy-circa-1968 curves, a six-foot blonde girl with an “Amazon” build, a short slight black girl, all over the map. My taste is very equal-opportunity, and some people would probably call it Affirmitive-Action. A by-product of my interest in every culture and country ever is my interest in the women from every culture and country ever. And women descended from every culture and country ever, even after the 2nd or 5th or 8th generation of assimilation.

    I tend not to go for women who go for the skinny blonde Hot-Girl clubby look, but it’s not impossible.

  57. It’s not that rigid, but it always seems to be the Mediterranean look that gets me — Greek, Italian, etc. Quite a few girls I’ve dated have turned out to be Greek, but I didn’t know that when I started dating them.

  58. It pains me to admit that I find a lot of Asian women attractive. I hate to fall into that stereotype of the white guy with an Asian girlfriend–and I certainly don’t go for the submissive/exotic personality type that a lot of those guys are actually trying to find. But tan skin and big dark eyes just kill me.

  59. Do you have a very rigid physical type to which you are attracted?

    Yup… and his name is Brendon Fraser. *lol*

  60. I’ve always found it sort of useless to pick a “type”; when I first started dating, I thought that I would want a tall blonde-haired, blue-eyed man (think Brad Pitt in Ocean’s Eleven). But my husband is on the short side (5’10”), brown hair and brown eyes, and frankly I’ve never been more attracted to anyone in my life. He’s hot. ;oD

  61. I find that as far as physical characteristics are concerned, I’m much more interested in the ones that are chosen than the ones that are inborn. Hairstyle, clothing, and bearing are more important to me than height, weight, shape and facial features.

    I will add my voice to the many above who have said that while a certain look will turn their head, in the end it’s personality that determines relationship-worthiness. But I do tend toward women who are cuddly.

  63. Long hair.
    Tan/dark.
    Muscular. Not bulky, but ripped.
    Accents.

    This for both men and women.

    Think Jack Sparrow and Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean. Will in the second movie with his hair down, that is. And I rather lack Esme’s insistance on humans-not-aliens. Aliens are fine. Gul Dukat from Star Trek DS9; the occasional Klingon, and, dare I say it, Davy Jones from Dead Man’s Chest.

    *ducks*
    *dodges thrown items*
    *runs away*

  64. Jack Sparrow, incidentally, is the first time I’ve found a beard of any sort to be attractive. Davy Jones is the second, but I don’t think that counts.

    (Definitely there’s a “style” element to what attracts me. You’ll notice I’ve been saying Jack Sparrow rather than Johnny Depp; that’s because Jack’s look is so much hotter to me than Depp’s—long, almost-black hair beats shorter blondish, for example. Then again, there’s personality for you, and presence; I love Jack’s sort of swishy half-drunk balancing-act stagger and mannerisms. And the accent, of course.)

  65. Bald/balding guys or very very short haircuts. Think Detective Stabler on Law & Order SVU, Stanley Tucci, etc.

    Definitely like Italian/Greek-looking guys. Dark hair, almost exclusively. I don’t like big bodybuilder muscles or very skinny men.

    Also I’m not attracted to men with feminine facial features (Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc.). I like big facial features, on men and women. Send me a Mike Rowe (mine, Zuzu!) or a James Gandolfini (I know, don’t ask) over a pretty boy any day.

  66. Hmm. Hate to say it, cause it’s the female equivalent of guys who only want skinny girls, or girls with big breasts, but…

    I can’t help it. I like tall men. Short guys don’t do it for me. I want my partner to be bigger than I am, and I’m a tall girl, so.
    And ok, that’s probably me buying into gender roles and all that, cause I want a big man, but there it is. Trying to be honest here.

    Question for you hetero ladies: Part of my size thing is cause I hate feeling bigger than the man that I’m with. And by “bigger” we can read “unfeminine” or, to come full circle, “fat.” Which is dumb and annoying of me, esp. since I have a pretty healthy body image and don’t generally beat myself up over superficial stuff. Any of the rest of you feel this way? Or is it just me? And do you think if size weren’t linked to femininity, would short guys get a better break?

  67. I’m trying to let go of my instinctual “type”. It hasn’t worked for me thus far. But, then I date guys who don’t fit that “type” (which is, by the way, tall, dark and handsome), and that doesn’t work out either… in part of course because of personality, but also kind of because I’m not really all that attracted to them! Yikes!

  68. No preferences (other than female).

    She must have a sense of humour and a fondness for off-normal personalities but that’s more of a requirement than a preference. *grin*

  69. Being a m2f transsexual and a lesbian, I used to think that “my type” is definitely another lesbian. I have a relationship with a str8 girl for 6 years now, and she doesn’t feel any more lesbian than she used to, but I wouldn’t trade our relationship, her looks and personality for anything in the world.

    Admittedly, all my three relationships (or wishful thinking thereof) were plump, sweet, and wore glasses for being highly myopic. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. At least I’m not encouraging anorexia.

  70. Sense of humor, definitely. I dated a shortish, baldish, hairy-backish dude because he was able to crack my shit up. (We’re not together anymore, since he was also neuroticish).

  71. To be honest, I do have a rather rigid type but out of neurosis. A man cannot be bigger than me. I usually like men with really high metabolisms that make them, well, skeletal. I do like skinny men in general, but it was never this ridiculous. This is because after being in an abusive relationship, I’m afraid to date anyone muscular or who otherwise has some sort of physical advantage over me because I feel like I have to be able to fight them off if they suddenly go insane on me or something. I know it’s shitty to do this and I guess judge people because I’m sizing them up to see if I can overcome them, but I do it for my safety.

    I’m hoping that when I get over my PTSD more, I can let go of this. :\

  72. And as far as women, I like cute faces and awesome hair. But the type has mostly to do with the hair, haha.

    This is all physical, by the way. For me, the biggest factor IS personality and someone can and will lose and gain attractiveness points for personality, politeness, etc etc.

  73. Kyra: Gul Ducat? Seriously? The whole war criminal thing kills it for me. I would gladly go for a cute Bajoran girl, though. (God, I’ve just outed myself as a total nerd.)

  74. I’m not rigidly attracted to one physical type, but I am rigidly attracted to geeky guys. If you won’t watch Star Trek or play World of Warcraft or discuss the merits of Orson Scott Card, you need not apply. I also have a thing for science types, since I’m a science type myself. If you won’t get knee-deep in mud with me to catch a bug, you need not apply. Also, if you write me any poetry, GTFO. Fortunately, I have a man who fits all these criteria and has never once written me poetry 🙂

    I don’t know if anybody else has noticed this, but (at least for me) I tend to find people who look like my husband more attractive than people who don’t look like my husband. So it may be that I have developed a physical preference for tall, hairy men from being married to one.

  75. Kyra — Gul Dukat is sexy because he’s supposed to be. He’s got power, charm, and a good stare. Plus, that voice!!!! Of course, the whole war criminal insane cult leader kai-boinking is worth consideration… your namesake learned her lesson about letting him get too close in S6.

  76. Gul Ducat is not attractive…I just couldn’t get past the war criminal bit.

    Dr. Bashir on the other hand…yum.

  78. Lorelai –

    I have a problem dating short men too and I’m only 5’1″. I just really like that feeling of the guy being so much physically bigger than I am. I tried dating a very nice smart man who was only 5’7″ and noticed I kept checking to see if he was the shortest man in the room. It didn’t help that we had almost nothing in common, I felt zero chemistry for him and for him I was really “his type.”

    But yeah – I like them tall but have realized over 6’3″ is really too tall. I once made out with a guy who was almost 7′ tall (basketball player) just for the tall thrill.

    I date outside of my type b/c of the guy’s personality and chemistry of course – but the kind of guy who turns my head is around 6′, blond, blue eyes. I like the swimmer build (broad chest/shoulders!) the best, soccer/cyclist build (too lean,all wiry leg muscles w/big thighs) the least.

    Current boyfriend is tall, blond, blue-eyed and in a happy accident turns out short, petite and Latin is his type!

    OH – the one thing I always notice and cannot get past is really really crooked or bad teeth. Just can’t do it.

  79. See I’m tall (5’8″) so I like to date a guy who’s at least a bit taller than me if only because I like looking up at a guy to kiss him — but they must be extremely petite, no muscle, nothing, or else I feel like they’re too big and I can’t fight back if they decided to start abusing me.

    The last guy I was with was 5’10” but was so skinny he looked like he was from the heroin chic era of modeling. Totally my type right there. If he wanted to fight me — which he never would, but like I said, this is a neurosis — I could probably throw him off of me.

  80. brunettes– both men and women. i’m being that vague cuz as others have said, it is the person’s personality that really counts!

  81. It pains me to admit that I find a lot of Asian women attractive…. But tan skin and big dark eyes just kill me.

    That’s who I tend to look at on the street, actually – Asian women, Latina women, Mediterranean women, any woman with dark hair and eyes and a more or less tan skin. But that’s not who I’ve ever dated. I’m married to a big, tall, Italian-American man, not an Asian-American woman. And of the one or two people per year I’ve ever been enough attracted to that I could imagine sleeping with them have been, as I said, pretty diverse in looks. A good singing voice and skill with the guitar helps more than anything else purely physical, but it’s not mandatory – Joel neither sings much nor plays the guitar.

  82. The one thing that links all of my boyfriends and attractions over the years is brown eyes. I’m a blue-eyed Aryan beast, so I was thrilled when E was born with brown eyes. Brown eyes look… kind? I don’t know. Love ’em.

    I too have always been the type to be attracted to awesome personalities — a boring, paranoid, shallow, or angry person is a severe turn-off, and it has never mattered how hott they are if they couldn’t make me laugh. Chef has always been able to make me laugh until my sides split and we play off of one another’s jokes for hours. Been that way since we met one another over ten years ago.

    For men and women alike, I’m really turned off by adherence to very rigid gender roles, beefy dudes and tiny women who very clearly spend a lot of time attuned to the mirror. That may be an expectation of personality and/or values, but there you go.

  83. I’ve dated women of all kinds: tall, short, thin, thick, blonde, brunette, redhead, young, old, etc. So I’m sure I have any particular type. But, there are a few things that always catch my eye:
    Glasses, freckles, braces, cute shoes, cute outfits, tattoos, lip piercings, soft hands, long hair.

    I tend to prefer women who are ethnic looking, especially asian or hispanic. I’m also attracted to unsual features like big noses or small hands. Aside from looks, dancing skills, singing skills, computer hacking skills, pop-culture trivia skills, and vegetarian cooking skills are always attractive. I think like most people here, personality is at least a significant part of whether or not someone is attractive.

    By the by, I am a skinny hairless geeky guy. With glasses. If that matters.

  85. Yes and no: I’ve been attracted to men of a variety of shapes and colorings and etc., and there’s really no 1 commonality, physically, that all the men I’ve been involved with have had.

    Having said that, for men, I really notice if they’ve got brown eyes, brown hair, a slim-average build, a face that is, well, best described as “pretty,” but not _too_ pretty, and are short, or at least not more than 2-3 inches taller than me. Muscular legs; I dislike skinny legs, unless the rest of the guy’s body is also really skinny. I prefer clean-shaven (though the right kind of beard can work, too). I do also like tall-and-lanky, though, and I’ve had some major lust for guys whose features weren’t at all feminine/pretty, or who were verging on beefcake. And one of my exes has the most beautiful blue-green eyes (but I noticed his build – slim – and his face – on the pretty side – before I noticed his eye color).

    I guess I’m a Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow kind of gal (but not Orlando Bloom as anything – he’s _too_ pretty. And blond).

    For women, I am attracted to curves, and a slim-to-average build, and some indication that they are not adhering to the usual sorts of femininity, whether that be haircut or choice of clothing or little/no make-up. And brown eyes.

    I am, in general, not attracted to people who are greatly overweight, although one of my sexiest SOs in the past was, so go figure. It wasn’t even that his personality overcame it, because he’s just plain sexy, physically, and I felt that way even before I knew him well.

  86. Then again, there’s personality for you, and presence; I love Jack’s sort of swishy half-drunk balancing-act stagger and mannerisms. And the accent, of course.

    All based on Keith Richards, you know…

  87. I basically like two kinds of guys:

    Jim Thome, DH of the Chicago White Sox, would be one type–tall, hairy, beefy (not a pumped up type) and kind of dorky.

    The other is sort of a math nerd with looks, think Steve Carell when he’s clean shaven (and not having his chest hair ripped off!)

    I can’t stand the freakishly hairless, 6-pack abs, tanned clone look that is presented as the ideal of gay may beauty. Ewwwww.

    I love bushy eyebrows, pale skin, thin lips, chipmunk cheeks and most of all, really, really hairy forearms (*sigh* Steve Garvey *sigh*)

    Not a big fan of facial hair at all, don’t really like curly hair, but eye color and hair color don’t matter (i.e. a blonde fetish).

    Great topic!

  88. As far as hair goes:

    I never thought I was attracted to body hair men until I slept with one that actually kept it natural. And then, omigod. Love it.

  89. anonymous at #58:
    White men who date Asian women are only Asiaphiles if they do things like (among others) expect us to eat sushi, know about our “culture” or speak another language, and then act shocked or censorious if we don’t. Or, as you mentioned, think that we’ll be meek and submissive. And if a guy likes Asian women because he likes small(ish), dark eyed brunettes, I’d assume he might also find non-Asian smallish dark eyed brunettes such as Eva Longoria, Audrey Tautou, Winona Ryder, Jada Pinkett Smith and Natalie Portman attractive, too.

  91. I don’t know if I’m rigid persay…. but I have a hard time with relationships with women or men skinnier then me. The women I find most attractive are almost always around my body size/shape (which I would discribe as chubby with large breasts). I’ve always liked men with a big of a tummy. I’ve had some flings with skinny women, but overall I feel uncomfortable being naked with someone vastly smaller then me. And I like to snuggle and I hate bony-ness. I like having something to run my hands over.

    I try not to completely discount skinny people, but I usually just don’t get as excited about them.

  92. I tend to prefer women who are ethnic looking, especially asian or hispanic. I’m also attracted to unsual features like big noses or small hands.

    …

    By the by, I am a skinny hairless geeky guy. With glasses. If that matters.

    I’m Romanian. With glasses. And have been told I have an excellent sense of fashion and a good personality/sense of humor/whatever.

    What’s a 12~ age difference matter!!! 😛

    Just joking around. 🙂 But honestly… if I could find another skinny hairless geeky guy, my life would significantly improve. It just so happens that they don’t exist in Upstate NY, though. :[

  93. Women who are Mature, confident, and a little bit of an adrenaline junkie. philisophical is great.

    Physicaly Fit.
    OK if a little weight as long as it looks healthy on her.
    Long straight sleek hair with small pert breasts can scramble my thoughts. Combine this with a fit, tall, ( taller than me is OK) intellegent, confident woman who is aggressively interested in me and I will melt .

    And Lorelei:
    I think you are just fine and don’t need to apoligize for your tastes. It would not bother me to date a woman who was stronger than myself.

  96. I like: Skinny, preferably wiry, and tall with narrow hips and a tight ass. A strong chin and a nicely shaped jaw, good teeth. Prominent cheekbones. An alert, intelligent facial expressions.

    As little body hair as possible. Head hair is irrelevant, I can take it or leave it.

  97. I tend to agree on the whole “they get better looking if I like their personalities” thing.

    But given my druthers, I’ll take taller than me (I’m almost six feet) and dark hair. Joe Strummer pretty much epitomizes what I find attractive.

  98. Hmm.

    To be honest, there are very few women that I can’t find something attractive about. Variety is the spice of life.

    That said, there are two things:

    1) I live in NYC, so I see thousands of weary, bored, hurried people on the train every day. Anyone with a bit of extra energy or “sparkle” definitely attracts my attention.

    2) I’ve always liked curves, and never minded a bit if a bit of extra meat came with them. In fact, I’ve been accused of being a “chubby chaser” – by my wife, with a great deal of affection, so nobody’s being objectified who didn’t want to be at the time.

  99. Just thought of something. I’m pretty thoroughly straight, but there was one case –

    My wife developed a crush on one of the actors in a production she was working on last year (I’m not a jealous man – you can’t be if you’re in love with a theatre person – and she’s entirely trustworthy). I came to see the show, and he was tall, lean, with sharp cheekbones and gorgeous red hair and a sharp beard.

    I turned to her and said: “It’s okay, honey. I think I have a crush on him, too.”

  100. I’m a blue-eyed Aryan beast, so I was thrilled when E was born with brown eyes. Brown eyes look… kind? I don’t know. Love ‘em.

    I’m bothered by the racial implications of this comment.

  101. I’m really strongly attracted to adult humans. With a sense of humor. Those are the only three qualities I can think of that are non-negotiable. Other than that you could say I’m not at all rigid about physical type.

  102. Honestly? The one quality I’ve always fantasized about is someone with a really quick, caustic, sarcastic sense of humor.

  103. I’m fascinated by how many people are attracted to people wearing glasses. Does that signify “nerd” or “geek” or an acceptable form of imperfection or something else?

  104. Big men turn my head, though I don’t like ’em too tall. I’m tall myself, and I’m just not used to looking up at men — I’ve dated a few guys in the 6’5″ range, and I didn’t like that my neck hurt when I kissed them. And yet, this is the kind of height disparity that short women deal with all the time. I’m good with men within a few inches of my height (5’9″), whether taller or shorter. The first time I dated a guy noticeably shorter than men, he had much more of an issue with it than I did; I suppose the fact that I showed up for a New Year’s party not long after we met in heels didn’t help.

    I long ago made my peace with the idea that I might very well be with men smaller than I was — and I’ve dated men who were all the way from very skinny to very muscular to very big. I do like a nice, substantial body to hold onto.

    Also, I like redheads. The thing with redheads, especially men, is that they’re always arresting, but they’re either goofy looking or really, really, Eric Stolz/Angie Everhart hot.

  105. No rigid physical type. Physically, most women under 30 (and some after that) look fine enough to be potentially attractive, the choice will be made more on personality traits, intelligence and being confident/independent. Turn-offs for me are starving-thin (athletic-thin is OK, high-jumpers etc.) look and very overweight (some weight is not bad if she carries it well).

    If I were to analyze attraction patterns, I have a slight redhead fetish (diminishing with age, blondes and brunettes [especially on the dark side] are pretty hot too), also, women with at least some hips — the boyish-hip look fashion industry is trying to sell isn’t all that attractive (of course models are often very strikingly beautiful otherwise), average- to wide hips are good.

    I’m more picky on mental side, though.

  106. Oh, personally 26 y, 6′ 1/2″, weight usually somewhere between 145 and 165 (to use your heretical non-SI measurements), somewhat nerdy and somewhat athletic, darkish, hairy.

  107. My type (late to the party as usual):

    I’m pretty flexible, but I have followed patterns. I’ve tended to go for curvier women; I’m just not attracted to rail-thin women with narrow hips. Of course, I’m a bit thin for my height (6′ 2″), so I shouldn’t be pointing any fingers about that.

    Historically, the first thing I’ve noticed about a woman is her hair. Color doesn’t matter much (but I’ve dated only brunettes for some reason), but if she has thick, luxurious hair, that definitely catches my eye.

  108. Hmm. What I look at twice and go “I. Want. THAT!” mentally over are the tall rangy (I call them Polish-German, because that’s the common blend round here for white folks) boys. Long narrow body, long narrow feet, long fingers, and that almost too strong face. Not too tall, though, or it’s problematic. Six foot, six one, somewhere in there is the top. I love long hair (well cared for) on both sexes, preferably dark hair. Good tattoos that are well placed are also a thing of much hotness for me.

    In women, I like big girls, ones like me with overflowing ampleness, who are female but not silly-girly-feminine, and strong and powerful under the curves. Competence is sexy, and knowledge.

    And it is all about the personality and wit and intelligence. I had one boyfriend who I fell into bed with after an exciting evening of talking about comparative theologies. (wry grin) The hottest thing about him was his mind.

    That said, I’m married to a man who is five-nine, blond, blue-eyed, and has a massive belly. I don’t care. He’s…himself, and so I love him.

  109. Hey, Alexandra, I’m tall, rangy, and of Polish-German descent…got any friends who feel the same way you do? 😉

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