I got my first real transphobic right-wing troll! Well, not counting that guy who wanted to make sure I told my partners first because they might kill themselves if they accidentally had sex with a transguy. I know it’s naive, but I almost wonder if he’s even real. I mean, look at that mullet!
Here we go:
Trans-thing Piny, at Feministe (ptui), is of the opinion that it is perfectly fine and dandy for a transexual – she-male – to go ahead and have sex with whoever, and it’s your bad, you mean ol’ bigot, you; if you object.
Not so, Pink – er, Blue, er – Lavender Ranger.
If I can’t get acceptance or tolerance, can I at least get some decent snark? If I had a nickel for everyone who used the tired old, “It’s a boy, no, wait, a girl, no, wait, a he-she,” I could buy chest surgery for my entire calling circle.
But some clarification: I do not actually have any problem with cisgendered people rejecting transsexuals as partners. It seems to be a point of confusion every time I write about transsexuals getting busy. I’m not sure why. This is simple sexual interest. It’s not immune to cultural pressure, but it’s much more apolitical than, say, a willingness to employ transsexuals or rent to them or stop killing them. I think it’s fair to say that increasing acceptance of transpeople will result in increasing desire for them as sexual and romantic partners, which is why it’s infinitely easier for any given transsexual to get laid here in San Francisco than in, say, Lubbock. The truth is a lot more appealing than the various available stereotypes, and its dissemination will make us hotter prospects. This is not to say that any individual’s current unwillingness to sleep with a tranny is necessarily gonna change after the revolution, nor that it should, let alone that it must change now. Rejection is not transphobic. In fact–and I’ve said this before, too–some transsexuals are not attracted to other transsexuals. I know!
My problem with this doctor’s words on this television show was that he argued something that is not true: that transsexuals get themselves killed because they are desperate enough to sleep with dangerous prospects in dangerous ways. This is an insidious lie. I would have hammered that point even more, but I assumed that anyone reading would be smart enough to understand that.
I really don’t give a damn about your opinion about gender being constructed or not – the goods had better be as advertised. Maybe you don’t deserve to wind up in a culvert somewhere, but before kiss one happens, whoever it is you are flirting with needs to know that the contents don’t match the package, or you do deserve to wind up in an ER getting your jaw wired back together. And if I am on the damn jury, they will walk. And if I am on your civil suit jury, if I have anything to say about it, you better have your insurance paid up.
And I don’t care how pretty of a girl you dress up to be and what kind of giggles you get from raping – yes, rape – straight men, or trying to. God help you if I reach down and find equipment there that shouldn’t be – you’ll get that fucking operation a hell of a lot quicker than you dreamed, cause I’ll rip the motherfucker out by the root.
I think he’s saying that a post-op transwoman can hop into bed with him anytime.
Some of the commenters were precious, too (to be fair, some of them, this guy included, did argue that transpeople should not be murdered nor yet beaten up for sleeping with unwitting partners):
Indeed, because victims are never ever even minutely responsible for their actions, especially so called protected classes. Morals, ethics, honesty? These things don’t matter… I have no problem with trans-people etc. but folks have a damn right to know whats under the hood before they start dancin the horizontal mambo.
You know you’re having a bad day when all your responses want to start with, “Listen, dipshit…” And this was one of the more trans-positive ones.
I’m tempted to just quote my original post. Hell, I’m gonna do that, with a little annotation for the slower readers out there:
We get killed for the same reasons, and in much the same circumstances, as the victims of other hate crimes. Whenever we are visible, we are in danger. Whenever we are known, we are in danger. Other queer people are also the victims of hate crimes involving family, friends, spouses, and sexual partners. Trina Schart Hyman’s husband broke her jaw when she came out to him. We don’t get murdered because we trust the wrong people or have the temerity to try to fuck like normal people. We don’t get murdered because we hate ourselves–internalized transphobia is not the problem. We get murdered because there are people out there who murder transsexuals.
See? For the record, I don’t agree that transpeople who get killed by intimate partners are responsible for their murders either. However, the point I was making was this: just like other queers, most of us don’t get killed by intimate partners. Most of us get killed by transphobic assholes who refer to us by names like “she-male” and “trans thing.” Brandon Teena wasn’t fucking John Lotter. Lana Tisdale didn’t rape Brandon or stab him to death. The deceptive tranny mantis is largely a figment of the overactive imaginations of anxious straight dudes like Party in the Back over here.
Or one of his commenters, who seems to be pretty well-acquainted with transsexuals and cross-dressers:
NYMOM, If these cross dressers all looked like NYMOM(YOU), men would not have any worries, but some(many) of them are very appealing to the wondering(prowling) eye.
I’ve seen several mainstream media representations–CSI, Law & Order, Without a Trace (arguably), Ally McBeal (arguably), The Crying Game. I know of only one case in which a transwoman was killed after sleeping with the transphobic assholes who murdered her–and she was a seventeen-year-old girl.
Most of us don’t go out and have sex with people without very carefully handling trans status first. This is particularly true of any encounter that might involve someone getting into our pants. Why? Well, it’s dangerous to just hope they won’t find out in bed, or that they won’t be surprised or displeased when they do. It’s not very much fun to have sex with someone who can’t get anywhere near your junk, let alone someone you don’t trust. It’s not necessary to getting laid–it’s not hard to find people who will love you and want you altogether. It’s also not necessary to getting killed. Our presence is incendiary. We are punished for existing, for walking down the street. I’m gonna go ahead and call that unreasonable.
I can think of a lot of other examples of deception, incidentally. What if I’m a bisexual woman, and I tell a biphobic lesbian that I haven’t ever slept with men, because I know that said biphobic lesbian would immediately cease to see me as hot and wonderful, and instead see me as a lying, cheating, disease-ridden, crazy slut? What if I am not in fact a lying, cheating, disease-ridden, crazy slut? What if I’m dating you, and I’m HIV positive, and I tell you after we see each other several times, maybe after some light necking, but before there’s any risk to your health whatsoever? What if you’re the seropositive one, and I tell you that I’ve been with lots of pos guys and can’t wait to jump your bones, even though the thought of sexual contact with an infected person makes me break out in a cold sweat? What if I really like you? What if I’m already thinking about breaking it off? What if I have a serious or maybe even terminal illness, and I keep quiet about it for a little while even though I know you’re falling in love with me and want to plan a future together? What if I have a gambling addiction, and I let you marry your finances to mine? What if I’m an alcoholic? What if I’m married, and I let you think I’m single?
What if I’m sterile, and I bite my lip whenever you tell me how much you want to have lots of babies? What if I simply hate children? What if I think I might change my mind? What if I’m secretly taking birth control, even though I know you consider non-procreative sex to be an abomination? What if I secretly abort? What if I’m a lapsed Catholic, and I lie to you about the strength of my devotion because I know that you are deeply religious and want your children to be brought up in your faith? What if Islam is becoming more and more vital to me every day? What if I pass as a different race or ethnicity, because I’m terrified of racism? What if you yourself are deeply racist? What if I lie about my background, either because you distrust the rich or because you hate the poor?
What if I smile and nod when you tell me that you’re poly, even though the thought of your lovely self hopping into bed with anyone else makes me slightly ill? What if I have a whole bunch of affairs and let you keep believing that I’m as faithful to you as you are to me? What if I swear up and down that I’m not sleeping around anymore? What if I’m actually gay, and I let you think that I want you as a wife just as much as you want me for a husband? What if I’m actually a lesbian in love with another woman, and I don’t tell you because I’m afraid of you? What if I’m really trying to want you? What if I don’t love you anymore, for whatever reason? What if I tell you you’re lovely and amazing, even though I see you as pathetic and disgusting? What if I tell you that casual sex is just fine, when I’m really desperately in love with you?
All of these practices are deceitful; some might inspire varying degrees of empathy; at least a few will be familiar to people reading. But is any sex that occurs within those relationships rape? I thought the feminists were supposed to be the ones with the overly-broad definition. Rape, generally speaking, is when you force someone to have sex with you when they do not consent. If they’re unconscious or inebriated, it’s rape. If you threaten them, it’s rape. If you restrain them, it’s rape. That’s different from using false pretences to get someone to consent to sex with you. Lying happens all the time, and yet it’s only transpeople and certain other queers who are seen as chronic deceivers.