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Weekly Open Thread with Raspberry Lizard

tigtog

This gorgeous little reptile balancing raspberries on its head was my favourite thing on Twitter this week, so it’s hosting our Open Thread. Please natter/chatter/vent/rant on anything* you like over this weekend and throughout the week.

A yellowish-brown dragon lizard on some upholstered furniture is balancing 4 raspberries on its head. A punnet of raspberries is visible in the background.
Just a lizard balancing raspberries on its head.

So, what have you been up to? What would you rather be up to? What’s been awesome/awful?
Reading? Watching? Making? Meeting?
What has [insert awesome inspiration/fave fansquee/guilty pleasure/dastardly ne’er-do-well/threat to all civilised life on the planet du jour] been up to?

* Netiquette footnotes:
* There is no off-topic on the Weekly Open Thread, but consider whether your comment would be on-topic on any recent thread and thus better belongs there.
* If your comment touches on topics known to generally result in thread-jacking, you will be expected to take the discussion to #spillover instead of overshadowing the social/circuit-breaking aspects of this thread.

77 thoughts on Weekly Open Thread with Raspberry Lizard

  1. My week. So, got a new surgeon, new surgery date as outlined last week. New surgeon is supposed to be a rockstar when it comes to colon reconstruction or whatever.

    This week I came down with a hellish stress-cold. I have to host karaoke tonight because there is NO ONE to fill in for me. And it’s the Halloween party, so bowing out would be extra disappointing.

    The boy noticed water on the floor of the bathroom, and though the toilet was leaking. Upon taking it apart, it was discovered that the sewer drain was backing up into the house. So it’s been plumbers and calls to the town but fortunately, the problem is on the part of the town so at least I won’t be on the hook for the plumbing costs, and the damage to the house was minimal.

    4. I think it is completely jerky of life to go on giving you other shit to have to deal with while you’re trying to manage this illness. That sucks to the nth degree. But I’m glad the plumbing damage was minimal, at least.

    5. Update. No, it wasn’t on the town end. The locators that were hired by the gas company who were called by the plumbers didn’t know how to use their robots on a sewer line. I have a broken pipe, on my end. Also, there was an easement that I was not informed about regarding said sewer pipe, so I’ll be contacting a lawyer about my rights considering this easement was not disclosed to me upon purchase of the house. In the meantime, I’m out somewhere in the ball park of 1k to 1500 bucks for the fix.

      In other news, I have surgery tomorrow and I’m kind of quietly freaking the fuck out.

      Worst. Halloween. Ever.

  2. He looks like my Beardie!

    But I don’t think my Bearded Dragon would be okay with balancing fruit on his head, sadly.

  4. [Content note: rape, rape jokes, violation of boundaries, transmisogyny, extremely graphic depictions of rape]

    Things that some people enjoy doing to me for the sake of humor:

    1. Telling me rape jokes with extremely graphic details, such as the sexual positions that the victims are forced into.
    2. Making a joke about a man with a fetish for trans women raping me while I’m too high to consent. And then telling me the above joke while I’m high.
    3. Making me listen to Nine Inch Nails songs about rapists glorifying rape.

    I cannot, for the life of me, understand why it’s so difficult for these people to not do these things. The reality is probably that it’s easy for them to stop; they just can’t get enough of me reacting with discomfort and fear.

      1. I’m sorry for being vague earlier – it’s just hard to type out who thoseSome are friends, some are acquaintances, one is a cousin, and another one is my older brother. All of those folks tell rape jokes, only two of my acquaintances made the joke about me being raped while unable to consent, and my brother is the one who played those graphic songs.

        They just don’t understand how it could possibly make me feel uncomfortable and scared. I just asked my older brother to stop playing those songs in front of me in the future, and he just said “Okay, fine!” as if I was being unreasonable. I appreciate his courtesy, but I wish it sounded more sincere. (Hopefully he’s just being grumpy right now since woke up not too long ago.) In addition, one of my friends seems more remorseful than the rest. And only two of my acquaintances made the anti-trans rape joke about me. So those are good signs, I guess.

        The others I’m not so sure about – they have this idea that, since they’re “obviously” against rape, they are entitled to do whatever they want to me so long as they aren’t being serious and don’t mean to hurt my feelings. Intent is the only thing that matters to them, it seems.

        1. First sentence “I’m sorry for being vague earlier – it’s just hard to type out who those”

          Should have been “I’m sorry for being vague earlier – it’s just hard to type out who those words since I don’t like to think about how my own friends, acquaintances, family members, etc. are the ones doing all of this to me.”

        2. I’m so, so, so sorry, Ally. There aren’t any words. I’m glad that you have this space to be yourself in. Fuck, I’m sorry.

    5. I’m so sorry you have to deal with bullying shit, especially from people close to you in any way. You absolutely deserve to have boundaries, as Peggy said. And I second everything Donna said. That’s not how a friend behaves.

      Hugs if wanted.

    6. Thanks for all of the kind responses, everyone. Not all of those incidents happened recently, but I included all of them just show the extent of all the rape-related humor that has been directed at me. But I will say that my brother making me listening to pro-rape songs is very recent. I don’t trust that my brother will stop doing that to me, but I’m hoping for the best.

    8. These people are being total shits. You have a right to be treated with consideration, respect, and kindness. I would never treat a friend or family member or anybody else this way. I’m so sorry.

  5. Wow. Sorry you have to deal with this, Ally. You deserve much better from the people around you.

    1. I feel like a bad music-oriented person in admitting that his death does not affect me in the least, beyond “Oh, someone died. How sad.” I can appreciate that many, many artists were influenced by Reed as well as the Velvet Underground, many of those artists I admire and appreciate. But beyond covering Perfect Day after a women’s music festival just after high school, I just… am kind of “Meh.” And I think Walk on the Wild Side had some problems. But I feel like a bad musician-type because I can’t make myself feel really sad about this.

      But then again, I’m pretty blasé about celebrity death. The last one to really affect me was when Stompin’ Tom Conners died. Man, THAT one got me, hard.

      1. I can’t say that I’m too blown away by the news per se, as I knew since his liver transplant some months ago he was touch and go, plus he was 71 (unlike say, Johnny Thunders, 41 or Joe Strummer, 50, two other of my favorite rock and rollers who have died in my lifetime,) and I knew he wasn’t going to live forever, but he was one of the very few people to whom I would give the overused descriptor of ‘legend.’

        He could be an egotistical monster, a whiny petulant child, but his body of work was so mind-blowingly prolific and ahead of its time. It was weird walking down the streets of New York today and seeing all people going about their business, I just wanted to shout ‘Lou Reed has died!!!’

        My deepest sympathies are with his widow, and here is one of my favorite songs of his as well as one of my favorite songs of hers, in the spirit of life going on:

        Velvet Underground – Sunday Morning

        Laurie Anderson – Sharkey’s Day

    2. I’m affected by his death — he meant a lot to many people, for many different reasons.

      Not too many know about his long-time trans girlfriend, Rachel. See this article:

      http://dangerousminds.net/comments/rachel_lou_reeds_transsexual_muse

      And see the lyrics of Coney Island Baby, which ends as follows:

      I’d like to send this one out for Lou and Rachel
      And the Lord appeared and he has one made of two
      Coney Island baby
      Man, I swear, I’d give the whole thing up for you

      1. I should have added a trigger warning to that article, which quotes Lester Bangs’s truly vile, horribly cruel and transphobic description of Rachel.

      2. I’m affected by his death — he meant a lot to many people, for many different reasons.

        I would imagine it was the ‘colored girls’ line in Walk On The Wild Side that Andie found problematic, which I understand (though I interpret it as satirical distaste for those kind of attitudes,) and I could imagine that you appreciate how in the verses of Walk On The Wild SIde, he doesn’t misgender Candy Darling or Jackie Curtis (back in 1972, no less.)

        Also, knowing his back catalog as I do, I can see how many songs you’d relate to. But I would also imagine like me you also appreciate him as a musical ambassador from our city.

      3. Thanks for that article Donna, i never knew about Rachel. Really cool insight into a very rad guy. RIP Lou.

    3. I do, Steve.

      I was quite depressed by the fact that the New York Times extended obituary refers to the “transvestites” around Andy Warhol, and calls his girlfriend Rachel a “transvestite.”

      And not one of the 200+ comments took note of this. So I left the following comment, which may or may not be approved:


      The trans women around Andy Warhol — like Candy Darling, a subject of Lou Reed — were not “transvestites,” then or in retrospect. Nor was his trans girlfriend Rachel. It’s 2013, and it isn’t necessary to write about them with the same kind of dismissive disrespect that was common 30 or 40 years ago. Shame on you.

      In some ways, and for some people, things haven’t changed as much as many seem to assume.

    4. I saw Lou Reed live with Antony Hegarty in 2007 and it’s still probably the best concert I’ve ever been to. I listened to their version of Candy Says again today in memoriam.

    5. This hit me hard. It feels like a tangible sign of the end of NYC as I knew it when I was young, and I was shaken and stunned by this news. I kind of figured Lou Reed would always be there.

  7. I went out to a party last night, because I was going so stir crazy after being housebound for so many days with this bronchitis. Today my cough has been worse. D’oh!

      1. You speak the truth. The evolution thus far has been allergies > sinus infection > bronchitis. I’m still coughing and the allergies are still kicking my ass. I hate fall. If not for Halloween, there would be nothing redeeming about this season.

  8. Have you heard that the HPV vaccine, Gardasil, can cause premature menopause leading to infertility? This myth is based on a couple of anecdotal reports in medical journals — authored by anti-abortion and anti-vaccine activists.

    Fear-mongering about Gardasil and infertility is just one manifestation of the idea that women deserve punishment for having sex. Learn what to make of these scary stories.

    * * *

    No desire to get pregnant in the near future? Then an IUD might be just the ticket. They’re cost-effective, last for years, and are one of the most effective contraceptive options around.

    Whether you’re in your teens or well into adulthood, IUDs have many advantages. And, earlier this year, the first new IUD in more than a decade came onto the market. What better time to learn about IUDs?

        2. Isn’t that like spam advertising?

          It does read like something from a pamphlet, but that’s probably because Anna is an experienced sex educator. She posts here all the time, and there’s nothing commercial about the link.

      3. Sorry if it came off as spammy! It should have gone in self-promotion Sunday but I seemed to have a trigger-happy postin’ finger. Now the question is: Do I post it in self-promotion Monday, should it appear, or would that be spammy?

    2. They could accessorize Skipper with the “Chronically Under-employed” voice chip ™ to cover all their bases in the post college product line.

      **Giggle**

        1. Thanks so much! I’m familiar with the pose in humans, though with my rats I see this more often when I accidentally interrupt tongue bath time.

  10. I came out as genderqueer once, years and years ago, in my early twenties. I’d honestly forgotten about it until today, while trying to fight the urge to post anything here about what I’ve been thinking and feeling about my gender identity.

    I only did it online, in a forum that I’d been active in for a while. It didn’t go well. One person supported me privately, through PMs, and one person defended me publicly. The rest derided me as mentally ill (which I am, but that’s not related to my gender identity) or sick or just confused. Few had issue with my declared bisexuality (these days I identify as pansexual) but when I said that some days I feel like a boy and some days I feel like a girl, that was apparently too far.

    It didn’t go well, and so I retreated. I didn’t come out to anyone else, either online or in real life. I soon stopped posting in that forum altogether. Later I looked back on the whole thing with embarrassment and chalked it all up to me being stupid and faddish. And then eventually I made myself forget that it had ever happened (I am, for better or worse, very good at making myself forget incidents that have embarrassed or shamed me). Until today, when I asked myself why I was having such a hard time speaking publicly about this here on Feministe.

    This issue is multifold. It’s not just that I came out once and I got burned and so I’m afraid to do it again. What complicates this for me is trying to understand the various intersections of privilege at work here: if I identify as a woman, which I strongly do, then it’s as much my right to post these thoughts here as any other woman; but if I identify as a man, which I don’t…quite…yet…then what exactly is my place here? And if I identify as both…well I’m still not convinced that I’m even allowed to do that (and by that, I don’t mean that I feel like there is no such thing as genderqueer or multigender identities or that anyone needs to be “allowed” to identify as such; but in regards to myself, I’m struggling with self-doubt and wondering if I’m just trying to have my cake and eat it too).

    Sometimes I am read as a woman and sometimes I am read as a man; this has been the case ever since I entered my teens. Which one it is not only depends somewhat on how I’m presenting myself, but on who the audience is. If I’m not wearing anything that is screaming femininity, then the strangers who I come across who are POCs will usually ID me as a woman; but white strangers will usually ID me as a man unless corrected (and I don’t correct them, but the people around me sometimes do). So when I’m read as a man, do I have male privilege regardless of how I identify? And of what significance is the clear racial divide between how I’m read by strangers?

    These are just a few of the thoughts that have been circling around in my head lately.

    1. Hi, tmc. I read your posts in the last open thread as well, as I just wanted to say that it sounds like you’re dealing with some very complicated and confusing stuff. I don’t have any helpful thoughts, but I do want to say that I wish you well and hope you keep on posting here regardless of the decisions you arrive at or even if you never arrive at a final decision and “simply” live in the process of change. I really value what you have to say. And I’m glad that your partners are offering you support during this process; I send you moral support.

      I think the racial divide you note is really interesting. I wonder if it’s related to white constructions of black women as “masculine”?

      1. Thank you EG, that really means a lot to me and I mean it. I’ll come back when I get a chance later this weekend to write out some of my thoughts on the race thing.

  11. I hate to pry into the blog’s business, but I’m wondering why Spillover has been dead for the past few weeks.

    I’m sure no one cares, but out of principle I need to apologize to Fat Steve for my comments in the Sagging Pants thread. I should also apologize (to a lesser extent) to the other readers, because I don’t actually think I was contributing anything “meaningful” myself. I was angry at things going on in my life, and I let it out at a seemingly privileged internet stranger. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.

    1. I should also apologize to the blog hosts, because I know some people have complained about the atmosphere here, and I made those excessively hostile comments regardless. If I contributed to a single woman feeling unsafe here, then I’ve failed to remember that I’m a guest in a house built for women, and for that I’m also sorry.

      1. “I’ve failed to remember that I’m a guest in a house built for women, ”

        I’ve done the same thing and also would like to apologize for any time I’ve said things in the past that offended anyone.

    2. I’m sure no one cares, but out of principle I need to apologize to Fat Steve for my comments in the Sagging Pants thread.

      Apology accepted. We shall discuss it no further.

  12. From Patagonia…just discovered Jezebel. Love the lizard with raspberries! I am enjoying painting stones and baking bread for the house.

  14. Potentially strange question:

    Would it be unwise for me to write about drug use in my journal (linked to in my nym)? The people who read my journal only know my female name, but I’m still anxious about it. And I really want to write about drug use because it’s a significant part of my life. Are there any potential risks in writing about drug use on a public online journal?

    1. Ally, my own first reaction is to urge extreme caution since it’s a topic that could not just be socially risky for you but potentially of interest to law enforcement, but I don’t have direct experience informing me on this, merely a concern for privacy. Perhaps creating a new web identity tied to a new webmail address and using those to create a new journal not directly tied to your current web presence?

      1. I want to write about this stuff on my journal because it already has a few readers – if I wanted to make a new journal/blog entirely disconnected from this web identity, then I would just make my DW journal private as no one else would be able to see it, anyway. But I’d rather have my journal public so that others can read it – I like most of the readers I have and they tend to provide thoughtful responses to my posts. Maybe I’m just trying to have my cake and eat it too.

    2. I wouldn’t worry too much on the law enforcement aspect of it unless you’re planning a huge coke transaction and are announcing it in advance. I’ve never heard of anyone being arrested from a journal of past drug use.

      However, if it can be linked to you in any way I would worry about what future employers might think. I’m lucky to be in a creative position where I can joke about past drug use, and in fat it’s encouraged, but I certainly couldn’t do so when I used to be a copywriter at a law firm.

      So if you’re planning on being anything but a creative artist who never works for the man for the rest of your life, I would emphasize anonymity.

  15. I’m in the middle of a week off and have finished knitting this Supplement Beret – a braided cable knit done on circular needles. It’s my first go at either and I’m very pleased with it. First go at making a pom-pom, too. Many thanks to Miss Maddie for her inestimable help. I don’t know how I’d have done it without someone to pull and chew the yarn and rub tabby furs in for that nice contrast.

    It’s not my design, but comes from one available for free here at Ravelry. 48 people have made at least one of these so far!

    1. I’ve got that pattern and I’ve been wanting to start it. It looks quite nice on! Was it terribly difficult or relatively simple or somewhere in between? Also, I lurk here a lot and I really admire all of your knitting! It’s all so lovely! And I’m jealous of how un-intimidated by knitting sweaters and jackets and actual clothing you seem to be. I want to try knitting a sweater for my best friend but I’m a bit too scared to start.

      1. Thank you, The Dormouse, what a lovely comment (blushes furiously).

        Ha, don’t believe I’m not intimidated by knitting stuff. Gauge? Doing measurements? Nope, run a mile. The only thing I’ve done with things like a properly reducing neckline was a jumper for Sir (that’s him in the photo) and it wasn’t too bad. My multi coloured jacket is three triangles and two rectangles; any shaping is purely coincidental.

        The beret’s not too tricky, though I realised when I was blocking it I’d stuffed up by leaving out a turn in one of the cables. This required cheating to disguise (sewing cable stitch over it). But that was me having a brain fart, not a complicated pattern.

        Have you done circular knitting? If you’re comfortable with circular or dpns, I’d say this cap’s easy.

        What sort of sweater are you planning for your friend? Is it a Ravelry pattern too?

        There’s always this with knitting: stuff ups can be undone. It’s not like sewing where cutting the material wrong is doomsday. 🙂 I just unravelled a beret the other night – it was a sort of cables and holes pattern, not difficult to knit but one that needed concentration. Guess who forgot what round she was on and made a right mess of it? What with the yarn-overs and stuff, there was no going back a line or so. But the yarn’s still there for when I try something else. (Duh, no kidding.)

        🙂

        1. I suppose I’d call myself like an intermediate knitter. I knit a lot of hats and cowls and gloves. I’ve also just recently started my first ever stuffed animal. So we’ll see how that goes. For some reason I look at cables and even though I know how to do them and am actually not terrible at them I get a little concerned. But it’s really a nice hat so I will probably make it up for someone’s Christmas present this year.

          I want to try knitting one of those Mrs. Weasley sweaters from Harry Potter. I found a pattern for it on Ravelry that I understand in theory. In practice I might mess it all up but so far I understand all of the pattern instructions. I’m not very good at figuring out gauge or anything like that though. That’s what really worries me. And I don’t like blocking things. But I know it’s an important thing to do with something like a sweater. I think ultimately this thing will end up being my all year project next year. If I ever get up the guts to try it.

          I always get so sad about unraveling things I’ve knit when I mess up. Do you ever get that?

  16. I just wanted to thank all the people who gave me support over my chronic back pain in the last open thread. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reply earlier–I ended up taking two codeine and falling asleep, and then I’d fallen so far behind on work that blah blah blah. But it really meant a lot to me to read so many words of support and sympathy. Thank you all so much.

    trees and mac–this kind of pain is so horrible. I hate that you both have similar problems, but it is comforting to know that other people out there know what it feels like…

  17. So…I have a question. It’s not hypothetical, alas.

    I’ve been seeing a lot of discussion of the term “same-sex relationship” to describe two women or two men who are dating/married/wevsies. Some people say SSR is a problematic term to use to describe these relationships, because two women who are married are not necessarily in an SSR (which is fair), and suggest “same-gender relationship” instead. So…okay, but… if two genderfluid FAAB people are in a relationship (I will leave it to the imagination as to who these people might be), it’s not a same-gender relationship. I mean, sure, it MIGHT be, today. Or not. Or it could be an “opposite-gender relationship”. Or, in some cases and on some days, a “Meh I don’t care gender-and-Fuck you I don’t want a gender” relationship. So what the hell do I call this? SSR is the only meaningful term (both people involved are FAAB and comfortable being female a majority of the time), but I don’t feel like I want to have the rage-conversation about why this is so every time either. And there’s no other generally understood term to say “these two people are in a relationship that is counter to heteronormative relationship structures”.

    tl;dr terminology is complicated, I hate people, wah wah wah.

    2. I’m non-binary, so my opinion may be ill-informed in many ways, but here’s how I see it at least at a glance:

      I think gender-fluid can be considered a gender identity itself; granted, flui So perhaps you could call such a relationship (and all other relationships in which both partners have the same gender identity) a same-gender-identity relationship – as awkward as that term is.

    3. I get the sense there’s some more-radical-than-thou sniffing around this whole thing. I agree that automatic application of a SSR label by others is problematic, but if an imaginary couple feels that the label fits them then there should be no issue. Said imaginary couple would be quite within its rights to tell the hypothetical label police that zero fucks are given as to their oversight of aforementioned couple’s self-identification.

      Actionable advice: Print out favorite side-eye picture, make in to face mask, wear when rage conversation starts to ensue while listening to loud music. People are soooo hateable.

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