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Fuck.

piny

So I just woke up to use the bathroom, and wandered into the kitchen.

Guess who almost set the house on fire last night?

Yup, I left a dish of yams in the oven and went to bed.
I was so proud of myself for doing all the dishes, too. Fortunately, one of my housemates turned the oven off for me, or…well, house on fire.

15 thoughts on Fuck.

  1. Thank GOD I’m not the only person who does shit like that.

    Three years ago, I cooked some spaghetti sauce into a black charred mass overnight, inspiring my roommate and landlord to cut off the power to the stove. In retrospect, I can’t say I blame him/

    Glad your house didn’t burn down, but you may consider the possibility that you have too much on your mind. 🙂

  2. I’ve done shit like that before as well… it’s embarrasing but easily done I find.

    Shouldn’t we have cookers that turn themselves off when no-one’s in the room? Or that cut the power after a certain amount of time?

  3. The only similar event in my experience was when I was home sick one day. I put a small pot of water on to hardboil some eggs. Three hours later, I recall—in my groggy haze—that I was cooking something. Sure enough, the pot was bone dry and the flame still on high. Eeks.

  4. I remember coming home from school one day to find no one at home, and a house filled with nasty, vile smoke. My mom had put an egg on to boil and forgot about it when she left the house.

    I turned off the stove, opened up the windows, and smoke came billowing out of the house. The neighbors were quite concerned.

    Portions of the house smelled faintly of burned eggs for years after the event. I now associate the smell with memories of my childhood home.

  6. My dog did the same thing a few weeks ago. I got home from school one day to find my apartment door open, smoke pouring out, the maintenence guy standing by the door on his phone, and my neighbors trying to get my dog into their place.

    Apparently, in an effort to reach a piece of cornbread on the stove, my dog turned on the stove – full blast. My neighbors heard the alarm and called the fire dept., when the maintenence guy came in and realized there actually wasn’t a fire, he cancelled the call.

    The cornbread looked like a lump of black coal, we just got the smell out of the house, and now there is a baby gate up in the entry way of the kitchen. Blah.

  7. Shouldn’t we have cookers that turn themselves off when no-one’s in the room? Or that cut the power after a certain amount of time?

    …Wouldn’t that be an awesome informercial?

    “Tired of setting kitchen fires? Want to come home to dinner instead? Buy the KitchenWhiz Automatic Oven Timer, and you’ll be cooking safely in no time!”

  8. This sounds like something I used to do before I started getting treatment for ADD.

    Once, when I was renting an apartment on the first floor of a friend’s house, I lit a candle one night on the mantlepiece. I went to bed and left it burning.

    In fact, it burned for at least a couple of days before I noticed. I was standing in my living room when I realized I smelled something funny. Kinda sweet and almost chemical-like. I turned around and saw SMOKE rising from the mantlepiece.

    The candle had long burned out, but had also ignited some of the books I had on the mantlepiece. The books had in turn ignited the mantlepiece itself. Cut to me, running back and forth with glasses of water to put it out. Fade to me cleaning up the mess while realizing how easily I could have burned the house down, possibly even at night while we were all sleeping.

    To this day if I make breakfast and leave the house, I’m never sure if I’ve turned the stove off or not. If I can’t convince myself, I’ll turn around and go back even if I’m a block or more away. I live in that much fear of burning down the house.

  9. Shouldn’t we have cookers that turn themselves off when no-one’s in the room? Or that cut the power after a certain amount of time?

    Think of it as evolution in action.

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  11. My aunt did this once (ever seen thoroughly charcoalated pork chops?), our upstairs tenant did this once (resulting in my husband making his way into her apartment through a cloud of smoke, waking her up and quite likely saving both her life and her cat’s life) and I myself once stuck a frozen pizza in the oven and turned it on without checking to see if there was a plastic toy in there. Some of you are wondering why there would be a plastic toy in the oven, and some of you are nodding and saying “Toddler”. It is very hard to smell plastic toy cremation fumes when you have a really bad head cold. That in itself would probably not have done for the oven, but the quantity of water my husband dashed on the pyre certainly did.

  13. And a few of us will have developed fireproof skin and the ability to breathe vaporized toddler toys.

    Ledasmom, she’s over it now, but for the longest time our toddler was obsessed with putting CDs and DVDs into things. I lost a whole slew of disks that I just couldn’t find, until one day I went into the utility closet, which had one of those slotted wooden doors that pass air but not much light. On the floor behind the door, a treasure trove of shiny disks. Apparently she would insert a disk into the slot, listen to it spin to the floor, wonder where it could POSSIBLY have gone (she couldn’t open the door), and repeat.

  15. Prepare yams? My favorite method is to bake them like you would any other potato, cut them open, mash the insides up with a healthy (or unhealthy, depending on your outlook) dose of butter and brown sugar. If you want to get fancy with it, you can sprinkle in some cinnamon and/or nutmeg. Throw in some cardamom if you want to make it exotic.

    Then, all you need is a spoon….

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