The blog The Worst Things For Sale, which chronicles and collects online listings for the worst things for sale (ready-made whip-its, anyone? Jerry Sandusky’s memoirs, Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story?), has run across a compendium of steamy, sexy stories from Cosmo, that ever-flowing font of totally-not-ridiculous tips for Making Him Moan. Even without having read Cosmo’s Sexiest Stories Ever: Three Naughty Tales, I can guess that it’s going to be replete with mastery of man-bits, much in the manner of TWTFS’s imagined excerpt.
Caroline touched Gregory’s weenie lightly, with her fingernails, because she knew it drove men crazy. “Wow,” Gregory said. “Wow, a lot, those fingernails are sexy.” Caroline smiled, and then took about 6 ice cubes and rubbed them on his huevos.
“That’s a cold and sexy huevo!” Gregory screamed. “Get that huevo mega sexy!” He leaned back, and sighed, and said “I’m definitely taking the kids to soccer tonight. You just relax and have a hot bath.”
Caroline smiles. It was so mega sexy for her man to do that. “You’re cooking dinner, too,” she purred, rubbing another ice cube on his huevo.
Then, I’m assuming, she slapped his dick back and forth like a tennis ball, sucked him off through a mouthful of chewed-up fruit, spritzed him with ice water, and devoured him like a piece of meat, thus satisfying his dirty-licious fantasies and giving him what he craves in bed. That sex goddess.