In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Conversations that are tackier than “I have condoms”

Jill

Dedicated to Will.i.am:

“Hey, I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I wanted to call to let you know that in my pursuit of being not tacky, I may have given you a totally preventable sexually transmitted infection. But don’t worry, it’s one of the classy ones.”

“Hey, just saw on Facebook that my cousin’s ex’s friend got chlamydia from you. I think you two dated right before that night when we were hanging out and were really into each other and got to ‘that level,’ you know, but I didn’t have condoms and you didn’t feel like putting on your pants and going to the store so we just went with it. Call me?”

“Hey, so I haven’t gotten my period in a few months, actually not since the last time we went out and you came back to my place, and I think I might be pregnant? But I heard that men think having a pregnancy test in your house is tacky so I haven’t bought one. Thoughts? At least advise me via the pages of a mainstream women’s magazine?”

“Meet Will.i.am, Jr.”

You: “Women who have condoms in their homes are tacky.”
The Entire Internet: “…”

Posted in Sex

22 thoughts on Conversations that are tackier than “I have condoms”

  1. “Oh, you’re that douche who thinks that being realistic about the risks of having sex and prepared for them is tacky? Nice to meet you, I guess.”

    Of course I’m tacky; I’m a New York Jew. We invented tacky.

  2. Even though the above article is from 2011, time hasn’t made this any less disgusting. Anyone who thinks women who dare to protect their health and safety deserve less respect than women who don’t should not be allowed near women… or anyone, for that matter.

  3. Really, it all comes down to the eternal conundrum: It is a moral imperative that men have sex with women, but women must never have sex with men.

    How do people manage to HOLD that mental construct without having an aneurism?

  4. Also, I guess any woman who has “conversed” with some other dude sometime in the past, but then stopped seeing him, should immediately throw out any leftover condoms in the interest of being fully unprepared for subsequent “conversations.” And take out the trash right away so the condoms are no longer within the walls of her home.

  6. How do people manage to HOLD that mental construct without having an aneurism?

    It occurs to me that, somewhere, in the back of the patriarchy-obsessed brain, this paradox is perfectly resolved by everyone secretly being gay, and that’s why they’re all so bloody homophobic.

    …huh. Maybe that’s why they’re so terrified of gay marriage being a thing that happens?

  7. Women who have sex with men – filthy, sl*tty, tacky, wh*res.

    Women who don’t have sex with men – frigid, stuck-up, d*ke, b*tches.

    See, easy!

  8. What’s especially disappointing is that Mr. William helped to write “Where Is the Love,” a rap song about racism, intolerance and hypocrisy. It’s a shame his contempt for hypocrisy doesn’t extend to double standards imposed against more than half of humanity.

  9. somewhere, in the back of the patriarchy-obsessed brain, this paradox is perfectly resolved by everyone secretly being gay, and that’s why they’re all so bloody homophobic.

    I’m probably just being dense tonight, but are you saying that you actually believe something like this to be true?

  10. Even the interviewer wants to make sure women aren’t TOO slutty. Having one or two demure condoms tucked away is perfectly proper, but eeeeyew, a whole BOWLFUL? How gauche!

  11. I’m probably just being dense tonight, but are you saying that you actually believe something like this to be true?

    Haha, fuck no, I don’t think that’s reality at all, but it’s the kind of whacked-out terrified reasoning that I’ve had relatives apply to me (no srsly I shit you not, I clearly like girls because I’ve internalised that het sex is immoral -> not had premarital het sex ->therefore I think I like women. This was an actual logical train I was presented with). So it amused the fuck out of me that this might be someone’s Secret Unconscious Terror.

  12. When I was in college, we kept a bowl of condoms on the coffee table. We made sure to get coordinating colors and to keep them in a nice cut glass bowl. It wasn’t tacky at all.

    I don’t get it.

  13. When I was in college, we kept a bowl of condoms on the coffee table. We made sure to get coordinating colors and to keep them in a nice cut glass bowl. It wasn’t tacky at all.

    Damn that is a cute ass idea I just might steal that from you!

  16. What’s classy ? Behaving in a dangerous, irresponsible way because you couldn’t be bothered planning ahead, or spending $5.

    Or taking responsibility for the health of both yourself and your partner, be considerate, smart and comfortable with your sexuality ?

  17. Really, it all comes down to the eternal conundrum: It is a moral imperative that men have sex with women, but women must never have sex with men.

    Clearly women who plan for having sex are sluts, but in the moment it is only natural that they are overcome by our manly manliness.

    I think that is how it works anyway.

  19. “After I end a relationship, I like to have a commemorative butt plug made specially with my ex’s face on it and then put it on display. What color should yours be? I was thinking purple, because your requests that I hide my condoms and buy vag wipes make you a royal pain in the ass, but suggestions welcome.”

  21. “You know how you have two periods in your name? Well, I’ve had none in the last two months…”

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHA that’s wonderful.

Comments are currently closed.