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“The dangers of carbon dioxide? Tell that to a plant, how dangerous carbon dioxide is.”

Jill

Thank you, Rick Santorum, for that little bit of TRUE SCIENCE. So now we can take you out back and bury you in a pile of dirt and manure, right? Plants love that, so it must be ok.

In other news, “Tell that to a plant!” is going to be my new response to everything I don’t like. For example:

Jill’s Mom: “Jill, you need to stop going out so much and start saving more money.”
Jill: “Psssh. Tell THAT to a plant!”

Jill’s Roommate: “Hey can you make sure that the DVR is set to record Mad Men?”
Jill: “Um, tell that to a plant.”

Feministe Commenter: “Yo you girls talk about sexism and stuff, but then you also hate men, so clearly YOU are the sexists!”
Jill: “OMG GO TELL THAT TO A PLANT.”

27 thoughts on “The dangers of carbon dioxide? Tell that to a plant, how dangerous carbon dioxide is.”

  2. I’m a planetary astronomer. If carbon dixoide is so great, Mr. Santorum, why not move to Venus?

    Now Venus is far more extreme than even burning all our fossil fuels will get us. But it only takes a little science to recall that sometimes too much of a good thing is a very bad thing.

  3. Proof that a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.

    Incidentally, Venus has been quite spectacular in the western evening sky. Maybe someone could educate Rick about why our planetary neighbour, second from the Sun, is hotter at the surface than the planet clisest to the Sun?

  5. Becca Stareyes:

    FEEL THE BURN OF MY ENVY! I wish I had taken the educational and career path you chose, though I don’t regret what I’ve done instead.

    I’m dying here for lack of stars in the sky to stare at – downsides of living in a city.

  6. Process CO2 into oxygen, swim in boiling water, incubate an egg in Antarctica using only his feet and stomach flap: Anything any life form can do, Rick Santorum can do better.

  7. I feel like the plant could become the un-ironic mascot for the GOP.

    complete lack of class mobility? Tell that to a plant! They NEVER move!

    need assistance with necessities of life? Psh, tell that to a plant, they make their OWN! With magical bootstraps, er, root hairs!

    Want birth control? Tell that to a plant! You never see the plants rejecting god’s gifts! Some of them even reproduce by themselves! It’s those slutty bees we have to worry about…

    Scientific? No. Accurate? No. Possible with a political party with no sense of irony? Hmmm…

  8. I’ve been trying to think of a Santorum “man-on-plant” joke for like 24 hours (since I first heard this). So far, nothing doing…

  9. I think we should deprive Santorum of all food and provide him with only sunlight, water, and some essential minerals. Then he can photosynthesize his own nutrients, just like a plant.

  11. I suspect that Santorum believes that the ability to make fire is a disgusting liberal appropriation of a power that should belong only to God. Deciding when and where to cook our own food goes against God’s plan.

  13. I think we should deprive Santorum of all food and provide him with only sunlight, water, and some essential minerals. Then he can photosynthesize his own nutrients, just like a plant.

    This would probably count as masturbation. And I’m pretty sure he’s against that.

  14. If you don’t think carbon dioxide is poisonous Santorum, why don’t you try a little experiment:

    1) Take plastic shopping bag
    2) Stick it over your head
    3) Breathe

    How long before you pass out?

  17. Could always be scientific and hook him up to a spirometer to rebreathe the same air for several minutes (did that as an undergrad on my physiology course). The hyperventilation as the CO2 builds isn’t fun… (we weren’t allowed to do the more dangerous one of oxygen deprivation with CO2 removal, mammals only notice high CO2 rather than low oxygen so you feel fine right until you pass out)

    Interestingly if you put a plant in the dark with no oxygen it would probably die. Plants also respire as well as photosynthesise, it’s just that fortunate for the sake of all us oxygen breathers they usually produce more oxygen than they use.

    For some reason, probably because it’s Santorum, I’m reminded of UK ‘nutritionist’ Gillian McKeith who once said that green leafy veg was good for you because it contained chlorophyll that would ‘oxygenate the blood’. The Santorum link comes from one wonderful comment, that in order for that chlorophyll to produce oxygen the sun would have to shine where it proverbially does not shine…. damned if I can think of a clever way to work that into a joke however!

  18. Dear Plant,
    I’ve got something to tell you. You should sit down. I suppose I should have told you a long time ago, and I hope you won’t be upset and go all “Little Shop of Horrors” on me. I am concerned about your use of carbon dioxide. You are on some continuous carbon cycle and I don’t know when it will end. Sure, I did some carbon dioxide in my wild youth by experimenting with Pop Rocks. I may have even combined Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola just because my friend Mikey seemed to like it. But I want better for you, and quite frankly, I am tired of doing nothing but nurturing you and breathing in your waste.
    Sincerely,
    me

  19. This would probably count as masturbation. And I’m pretty sure he’s against that.

    LMFAO. Not sure I know the logic behind how that counts as masturbation, but still hilarious anyway.

  20. I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t like Mad Men. I could not for the life of me understand why feminists found it so awesome.

  22. Reminds me of something Michele Bachmann said on her campaign website: “Carbon Taxes And The Global Warming Fraud – Tens of millions of Americans blindly follow Al Gore, the “eco-prophet” who is trying to “save the environment” by viciously attacking carbon dioxide. Michele Bachmann is one of the few members of Congress who are willing to stand up and tell the truth that carbon dioxide is one of the fundamental building blocks of life on earth and that it is NOT causing global warming.”

  23. I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t like Mad Men. I could not for the life of me understand why feminists found it so awesome.

    Ugh, I could only watch the first few episodes. My best friend loves it, so I really tried to love it too. I found it well-written and acted, but just painful to watch. So I just went back to watching Misfits and laughing my ass off.

  24. Well, you know, there’s no such thing as too much of a good thing. Like, water is a fundamental building block of life, and human beings need it to survive, so that means that anybody who objects to being forced to stay at the bottom of a lake is just being taken in by anti-water propaganda.

  26. I’d argue that Rick Santorum is proof that too much carbon dioxide is bad for you, but….oh wait. I guess I just did.

  27. Right, carbon dioxide (in the concentrations we are talking about) is not directly unhealthy for humans. Of course, this is utterly irrelevant to the debate since the discussion is about the impact on the global climate.

    How can Santorum be one of the front runners in the GOP national primary? How can he have a career and be considered a serious politician?

    I really do not get US politics.

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