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FNTT Season 8, Round 1: The Baby-Killing Whores Edition

Jill

Background on FNTT here. Click through to read this round’s contenders. The usual reminder: Comments below are abusive, insulting and may be triggering. For people with a slightly deranged sense of humor (such as myself), they are also hilarious.

1. Mark:

All I have to say is… too bad, if you want to kill your babys then do it on your own dime, you should stop making other people be your source of tax dollars cause you got drunk and fucked the ugly guy at the bar felt bad and yelled rape… god damned bunch of baby killing whores…

2. Kelsie:

Uh, what? This is so wrong. Nothing but liberal hogwash.
It has nothing to do with race, gender, or even abortion, really.
First of all, the court sees all abortion cases based off the fourth amendment. Though I don’t agree with it, the fetus is property until it is born, outside of the womb, ect. This man killed babies when they were living. He is purely evil and it is obvious that this is a murder case, not any ridiculous debate about abortion.
Would you feel the same about abortion if the baby was a tree? Doubt it..

3. Len:

Yep keep killing fetuses ie human babies and watch the North American welfare economy tank as it is in Europe. Hey Feministe’s aren’t you prowd of your so-called “freedom?”
One of God’s baby lovers.

4. rukiddingme:

HA HA HA. Time to make people pay for their own bad choices. Get educated. Abortion is after the fact birth control.
Read up on PP’s founder and patron-saint, Margaret Sanger. Very racist, elitist and NAZI like with her genetic theories.
You can’t stop stupid people from being stupid, lazy and thinking they are entitled. You can, however, stop people who don’t condone this way of thinking, and who work for a living and pay taxes from paying for it.
Bet most of you losers are big PETA supporters and Vegans, tho, right. Don’t give a shit about human life, though.
(Me flipping you the bird)

5. Jones:

…and “That spontaneous slap was the reaction of a real man who a woman had just told she aborted his baby.”
She’s lucky she only got a slap, any liberal bitch that aborted my baby would get their friggen ass kicked


63 thoughts on FNTT Season 8, Round 1: The Baby-Killing Whores Edition

  2. “Would you feel the same about abortion if the baby was a tree?”

    “Would you feel the same about abortion if the baby was a tree?”

    “Would you feel the same about abortion if the baby was a tree?”

    crying with laughter over here.

  4. Although Jones gets points for over threats of violence, I just can’t get over Kelsie’s ‘What if it was a tree’ line of questioning. I just can’t stop shaking my head on that one.

  5. Ah, tis the time of year for the lovely tradition of “laugh so we don’t cry.” One of my favorite approaches to life.

    Mark and Jones were very tempting in their blatant misogyny, but I ultimately went with rukiddingme because of the asinine assertion that I would EVER support PETA (which throws women under the bus daily.)

  7. It almost went to Jones for blatant admission of a desire to beat women, but I gave it to rukiddingme for “after the fact birth control”. How is it after the fact if there hasn’t been a birth yet?

  9. Kelsie with her advanced knowledge of abortion laws as they apply to the Fourth Amendment prohibition against unreasonable search and seizure, combined with the tree-baby is hands down my candidate.

  10. Kelsie!

    HOGWASH. Trees!

    Amazing.

    Though I have to say, I’m not sure “baby lover” is an epithet that’s going to catch on.

  11. Rukidding won my vote for thinking we like PETA. Feminists just love when women are objectified for publicity. Oh wait, that’s wrong.

  12. Kelsie, for the line: “Would you feel the same about abortion if the baby was a tree?”

    I see other people beat me to it, but really. It’s classic.

  13. also, actually? if I had a TREE growing inside me, I’d know something were seriously wrong and I’d need that prophylactic abortion like nobody’s business.

  14. I’m on the Kelsie bandwagon here. That tree comment is spectacular. 🙂

    rukiddingme would be my next choice, though. Clearly that person hasn’t been paying attention to the whole PETA sexism issue. Also, very much not a vegan.

  15. Tree!! Is that, like, because liberals are “tree huggers”? Should I even be trying to decipher troll logic?

  16. Just to resist the trend a little bit, I went with rukiddingme. I thought “(Me flipping you the bird)” was kind of cute.

    (Me chucking the troll under the chin)

  17. Just to resist the trend a little bit, I went with rukiddingme. I thought “(Me flipping you the bird)” was kind of cute.

    (Me chucking the troll under the chin)

  20. Would you feel the same about abortion if the baby was a tree?

    Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

    Kelsie’s reasoning has!

  21. I had to go with Mark because I felt like he really crammed a whole anti-choice/conservative fuckhead bingo sheet into his comment.

    – baby killer!
    – but MY tax dollars!
    – you had alcohol!
    – sluuuuuttssss!
    – rape is really just lady-regret!
    – you ugly! (you’re doing an ugly dude)
    – slutbabykillwelfarequeenbitchwhore!

  23. And Jones, that spontaneous “click-click” you heard was a woman readying a certain weapon in response to your spontaneous “slap”. You live by violence……women are tired of men’s utilization/threats of physical terror against them, and you bet your ass we will work toward making sure women can defend themselves against worthless GARBAGE like you. Oh yeah, and if you would hit a women, do you REALLY think anyone would trust you with a CHILD???

  25. Pretty tough. Mark made a strong showing early on with “you got drunk and fucked the ugly guy at the bar felt bad and yelled rape.” It’s a bit like a violently misogynistic e.e. cummings poem, with the complete lack of punctuation making me think for a moment that it was the ugly guy who felt bad.

    But I have a special place in my heart for absurd “legal” analysis, so for me, it has to be Kelsie.

  26. The next time I have to de-baby-tree my yard (Maple tress: they spit adorable winged treefetuses everywhere!), I will think of Kelsie. And laugh.

  27. Jones, because he wants to fuck liberal bitches and then beat them up because they aborted “his” baby. No wonder why someone would want to abort his baby. No clue. /sarcasm

  28. mark because bitch killing BABYS! BABYS! BABYS!! “His” tax dollars and bitch drunk whores. OH yes the troll-a-thon is back in action! I wait all year for this shiz!

  31. Definitely in the minority with Len. I just found his complete failure of logic to be compelling. Abortions = fewer people = welfare state crashing = how about your freedom, now?

  32. I am sorry, we had some strong contenders, but I read every comment after Kelsie’s laughing about the tree line.

    …TREE.

  33. I did enjoy Kelsie’s total lack of understanding of the law (by all means, keep saying that fetuses are property under the Constitution — you can destroy property without any limitations), but Mark’s comment won this by a mile for me. There’s such simple beauty in the jump from (1) no public funding for abortion to (2) jealousy you chose the ugly guy at the bar instead of Mark to (3) fake rape accusations to (4) baby killing whores.

  34. Do you guys remember the case of the Russian man with a tree in his lungs? He had it removed. So THERE, Kelsie-tree-hugger!

  35. I almost went with Kelsie, strictly for use of “hogwash”. But, damn, Jones really perfected it at the end.

  39. Kelsie wins for 4th amendement confusion & most definitely for abortion = but what about teh treeeeees? Priceless. You can’t make this stuff up, but Kelsie can.

  40. I am having a discussion RIGHT AT THIS VERY SECOND on a forum I use about this. This guy, who is an atheist but somehow his entire belief system is based on the moral tenets of the jesusfreaks like he believes every single thing they do about every issue but just doesn’t believe in god, is using all these arguments from the thread and more.

    This was the quote that set off the abortion shaming fest:
    “God knows we can’t have those awful babies being born! How dare they ruin the lives of someone who only wanted to have unprotected sex! ”

    Can we vote for a write in candidate? Well I guess he didn’t actually post this stuff on Feministe, but the timing of it was just so coincidental. Especially since this topic almost never comes up normally.

  42. Despite the sheer awesomeness of the tree comment, I’m going to have to go with Jones. The threat is just pure class, but there’s something intriguing about the fact that he applies this desire to an unbounded class of women. The mental image I got was as if he thought there are liberal women out there who get spontaneously pregnant with his children. And of course he thought this absurd situation requires him to assert ownership through violence, because, y’know, duh. Bonus points for brevity.

  43. Actually, I have seen the tree comment a number of times by anti-choicers. It is nothing new, and of course a stupid excuse. I’ll pretend the fetus is a tree so that a limb can fall on my house and I’ll have a valid excuse to cut it down.
    I’m going with the Jones bastard.

  44. Kelsie, for brilliant comparison of baby to tree! Though (me flipping you the bird) was a close second…

  45. rukiddingme got my vote for combining “after the fact birth control,” NAZI (necessarily in all caps), and PETA.

    Though there are many worthy contenders here.

  47. Kelsie, not only for the tree line, but also because it came at the end of a boring and cliche ramble I could barely finish, it made me laugh out loud. Would’ve been a really bad monitor snarfspray if I had been drinking something.

  50. I had to go with Jones. His unbridled optimism – the idea that any “liberal bitch” would deign to mix bodily fluids with him – is inspiring.

  52. I voted for Jones because his post was the only one that really got my attention. I guess I find evil people more interesting than merely stupid people. The rest kinda put me to sleep with their rambling incoherence. Jones got straight to the point and received extra points for being an egregiously offensive piece of shit.

  54. Almost voted for Jones. Giving free rein to violent imagery and threats, but then holding back on saying “fucking” and using “friggen” instead? Reminds me of the time I was channel surfing and came across a movie where a guy screams “you bitch” and punches a woman in the face. “Bitch” was bleeped out. I suppose propriety demands we maintain the rules of polite discourse even when assaulting or killing someone.

    But, yeah. Baby trees.

  55. I like Kelsie if only because I can imagine that it was Michelle Bachmann. The free association, the color of real argument, and then it all blowing up was similar to her campaign for president.

    Also, as a liberal steeped in hogwash, I can’t love babies because I just can’t bring myself to hate trees: Kelsie’s got me pegged – I’m happy that someone’s out there to call me on my shit.

  56. Im lovin da tree babiez but Jones gets my vote for calling himself a “real man” and thinking any “liberal bitch” would have sex with him.

  57. Mark. Because I’m a stickler for orthography. You can call me a baby=-killing whore, but you can’t spell babys.

  58. Kelsie FTW! Is the tree inside my uterus? Cause I think that would be even worse than a run-of-the-mill unwanted pregnancy.

    Also zie is named after my mother-in-law’s late Portuguese Water Dog.

  59. Are these all from one post, or are these a collection of comments from various posts? When they’re from one, do you always post the link in the description? I need context to thoroughly assess! 🙂

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