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Human beings are the best/worst species of all time.

We build cities, cure diseases and create art. Some of us also hide in port-a-potties at yoga festivals.

Police in Boulder are currently on the lookout for a man who was apparently hiding inside a porta-potty at last week’s Hanuman Yoga Festival. Let that sink in for a second.

Yes, our suspect was inside, like, inside the infernal device. A female yoga enthusiast, who will likely need years of therapy, entered the the portable toilet, only to notice “something was moving inside the tank when she lifted the lid,” according to police spokeswoman Kim Kobel.

Naturally, she found someone else to double-check what could have been some kind of yogic hallucination. But he, too, saw our peeping, uh, John “inside the tank, covered in a tarp.” And after the second witness left the porta potty, it mysteriously locked from the inside.

A security guard waited outside until the man emerged, shirtless, with “several cuts on his back and legs,” wearing two leather bracelets. “The supervisor,” Kobel told the press, “tried to detain the suspect, but he ran away, covered in feces.”

Police believe his name is “Sky.”

“Inside the tank, covered in a tarp.”

Thanks, Charles, for ruining my day with this link.


18 thoughts on Human beings are the best/worst species of all time.

  1. “The supervisor,” Kobel told the press, “tried to detain the suspect, but he ran away, covered in feces.”

    Police believe his name is “Sky.”

    I LOLed at work, thanks.

  2. I know a Skye.

    I can picture him wearing leather bracelets.

    Oh, my god.

    (Kidding, Skye, wherever you are! Kidding!)

  3. Give it a minute. If he had open cuts in a soup of feces, he’s fucking dead inside of a week..

  4. I am also horrified and concerned that someone with OPEN WOUNDS was in a toilet tank.

    For me, that was the best part of the post.

  5. I recently read the Lazarus Project (Hermon), and in it someone (a Jewish immigrant) who is on the run from the police (1920s Chicago after being connected to Anarchist activities) hides in the tank of an out-house for days before being able to escape. This event is gross, but after reading pages and pages about that situation, it seems extremely mild to me. It’s crazy, how easily people can be sensitized to Fucked Up Shit.

    (Ha.)

  6. You’ve got a man with cuts on his body, shirtless, shoeless, hiding in a port-a-potty under a tarp and locking it from the inside. He’s identified as a local transient. I know there seems to be a lot of laughs here but that sounds less like a “hilarious pervert” story and more like a “depressing mad persons without resources” story.

  7. I’d bet good money that the traditional notion of “peeping” was not a significant motivator in this act. Nobody interviewed the person in question. They’re just projecting.

  8. I’m sorry, but I just LOL’d at this post. Now there’s a guy who really hasn’t gotten laid in a long, long, long, long, long time… And it doesn’t look like the drought will end any time soon…

  9. Give it a minute. If he had open cuts in a soup of feces, he’s fucking dead inside of a week..

    People can live for decades with bleeding hemorrhoids.

  10. People can live for decades with bleeding hemorrhoids.

    But that’s because the poop is their own. If you’re bathing in other people’s poop, though, the problems begin…

  11. Natalia: But that’s because the poop is their own. If you’re bathing in other people’s poop, though, the problems begin…

    well… i see your point but i would kind of argue that if you’re bathing in other people’s poop the problems have already begun if you get my meaning…

  12. well… i see your point but i would kind of argue that if you’re bathing in other people’s poop the problems have already begun if you get my meaning…

    Too true, too true.

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