An Honest Question December 3, 2005 Lauren What do you think it will take to get a mention on The O’Reilly Factor?
Is it just me, or is Ann turning into Morticia Addams in that clip photo? Seriously: Dye her hair black, up the eyeliner, tone down the blush, and doo-doo-doo-doot! [snap snap!]. She’s already in all black and she’s already got the cross. She’s halfway to becoming Anne Rice with less talent. It’s almost an accomplishment. I’m sorry. I have to think about superficial things like this because if I don’t, I’m forced to think about Ann calling liberals “bad people,” then moaning that liberals are “little Nazi block watchers,” thus playing the Nazi card which, next week, she’ll complain that liberals are always doing to her. Then we’ll get a history lesson about how the Nazis were very bad people, in case we didn’t know. Then my head will spin, and, well, you know how it is. Doo-doo-doo-doot! [snap snap!].
Have a picture taken of yourself or, beter yet, our child, with a large hammer over a manger scene under a tree or somesuch. From there you can act deadly serious (“Death to Christmas! Happy Holidays!” (Or, better yet, “Happy Solstice”), satirical (“One false move and the baby Jesus gets it…”), whatever. You’re creative – figure one out that works best for you. Email it in. Wait for a response. I suspect you’ll get one.
Claim that the Christmas tree is a phallic symbol of male suprmacism and the patriarchy. Call Santa a rapist too, just for safe measure. He’s really looking for War on Christmas material.
Or you could Sokol them. Come up with a post about how your adorable, innocent, five-year-old son was forced to attend an anti-Christmas indoctrination session at his public school. Various Jewish and Wiccan speakers explained how Santa was the embodiment of white, male, heterosexual oppression, what with his army of slave-like elves and the traditional gender dynamics of his relationship with Mrs. Claus. A representative of the ACLU explained to them that they could go to jail for humming Christmas carols or praying in school, even if they do it silently. He said that their teacher could hear their thoughts and would have them arrested if they ever thought about God on school grounds. Someone from Greenpeace explained that it’s bad for the environment to cut down Christmas trees and illustrated the talk with graphic photos of dead deers and bunnies who starved because their habitats were destroyed by evil, Christmas-celebrating mommies and daddies. At the end of the day, they all had to write letters to their local politicians asking for Christmas to be outlawed and replaced with a new holiday, Multicultural Winter Festival, which is celebrated by making reparations for America’s sins by sending money to Hezbollah and NARAL. See if he falls for it.
A photoshop of Bill stuffing a falafel up his butt might work… But you want to keep reades, too, right?
What do you think it will take to get a mention on The O’Reilly Factor? Just mention how rare it is that such a handsome stud is also a genius. The guy’s such a wingnut who knows what would set him off? Actually most wingnuts think he is a fucking idiot, too. We need a whole category for this clown.
I get the feeling that having to choose between O’Reilly and MediaMatters is like having to choose between Sarin and Anthrax…