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Compassion Fatigue

Steph

I’m in a clinic. It’s dirty. There are lots of other women there, women who look like me. The room is rectangular and the chairs squeak when you get up. I’m there to have an abortion. I’m 14 weeks pregnant. I’m on an operating table. I see the doctor. I’m filing charts. I’m calling patient names. I’m on the operating table and the anesthesia isn’t working. I’m taking a woman into a room to counsel her about her abortion.

This is the dream I have when I’m on the verge of burn out. This is how my body tells me that it’s going into over drive and is getting ready to shut down. And when my exhaustion gets to that point, you better believe I listen to it.

A good friend of mine told me that she doesn’t have time for self-care. As progressives, we’re taught to sacrifice ourselves, our desire for a living wage, our desire to be treated like human beings for the movement, for the greater good. This is not a tenable model. We lose when we don’t take care of ourselves.

Instead of rambling on about this, I want to ask for your thoughts. How do you give your life to a movement that you love without losing yourself? How do you balance the need for self-care with the fierce urgency of activism?

26 thoughts on Compassion Fatigue

  1. Part of caring for others is caring for yourself — you can’t offer others your best if you are worn out. You need to take some time off — go sit on a mountain somewhere for a week and recharge. If you don’t take time to care for yourself, you will burn out and they will lose everything you are bringing to this.

  2. I… mainly am a terrible activist. I do my activism through talking to and educating family and friends, and it isn’t a lot, not at all.

    I’m moving to Oklahoma in two months, and sitting for the OK bar this summer, and hoping I can get some kind of full time attorney job in or near OKC doing reproductive health work, and if I can’t, at least spending some of my time somehow supporting organizations. It’s weird, because I’m 26, I’m not a kid anymore, but I still feel a little lost when I try to think of ways I can actually contribute.

  3. We were just talking about this today at. Assaults from the state, pro-life groups, politicians – it just starts wearing on the soul.

    I do tend to take this work home with me and let it seep into my personal life. I’m passionate about it! That’s why I do what I do.

    Recently I made a promise to myself to take a break. Breathe. Be myself outside the realm of reproductive rights. Have a healthy work/home relationship. Let there be SOMETHING I do every week that isn’t overcome by the righteous indignation I feel on a daily…hourly basis. It isn’t easy – as a feminist I’ve always believed that the personal is political, so I struggle to reconcile these seemingly different concepts. It is, however, a very conscious decision on my part.

    This month, I’ve planted some flowers for inside and outside the house. I had a zombie movie watching party with some close friends. I had a 30 Rock marathon with my boyfriend. I baked a cake and spent an afternoon outside with the dog. This weekend I’m going to paint my kitchen table (which seems like a chore, but I enjoy it). The only rule for these activities is that myself nor anyone present can mention work or repro rights. My friends and family know what I do and know how easy it is to take all of these stresses onto yourself.

  4. For me, when I begin to feel I’m losing myself or becoming “flooded”, I have to step back. I’ve realized that if I don’t, I really am not helping anyone else. When I’m overwhelmed, I don’t sleep as well, I don’t focus well, I lack energy, I can’t think as clearly, my memory weakens – so basically what I’m saying is that my body will let me know when it’s time to ease up, otherwise it refuses to function as I want it to. And being nonfunctional in activism is not really a good idea – since I come from a marketing background, I see it as potentially bad “PR” if I can’t speak to the press or represent the feminist org (or any activist event) well. So perhaps my body fighting me is actually a good thing, but I don’t think I’ve ever thought of it as that way until writing this now. So thanks for the questions, Steph!

  5. I’m in a social work related field (although not a social worker) and burnout is VERY common. My organization has us do frequent activities together to try to reengage and unite us. Sometimes little craft types things, sometimes wellness, just whatever strikes us. It helps.

    Other than that, I do a high intensity kickboxing program. It is soooo therapeutic to me.

  7. I try to spend an evening at the shooting range every other week (can’t worry about other things when the only thing in your mind is the wobble of the sights and the pressure on the trigger).

    I also try to stay in bed until ten with my sweetie once a week.

    When those things aren’t possible, good meals, frequently alone, are my resting and recharging moments.

  8. Steph, this is such an important question – and you bring up an important point about progressives (and women in particular, I might add) being socialized into feeling like we’re not good people if we put ourselves first.

    I am like April – I schedule activities with friends and family and have a strict “no shop talk” rule. Once a month I have a baking date with a friend. Our baking dates are sacred – and we have fun trying new vegan recipes and telling dirty jokes. I also have a craft group that gets together once a month. These days are high priorities for me, because I need time off from volunteering and talking about abortion all the time.

    I would really like to get back into the habit of giving myself a facial once a week and doing my nails. I know this may sound superficial to some feminists. But taking care of my body and doing something to make myself feel good is so important for preventing burn out (from my point of view).

    Can’t wait to read what other activists have to say!

  9. I realized sometime during nursing school that if I didn’t take breaks during shift and take time for myself outside of studying and taking care of others, I would at some point in the future be unable to care for others.

    If you sacrifice hard and give prolifically you may burn out and quit alltogether, which would be less overall gain than if you worked just as hard but took more time for yourself to recharge, to relax, and to take care of the things you need want and desire. This way you are able to continue being an activist, and continue working for the goals you wish to see in the world for a longer period of time than if you had just burned out originally, ultimately you are able to effect more change by taking care of yourself and preventing total burnout.

    So I remind myself that by taking care of myself I’m ensuring that in the future when people need me I will be available to do what needs to be done. I suspect that the same holds true for you too, Steph.

  11. When I’m near burnout, I am thankful that I have a solid group of friends who don’t work in this movement and – while they are supportive – don’t talk about it. When I spend time with them it lets me completely disengage from the movement for an evening.

    I sometimes have to take a full weekend off, too – not tweeting, etc. The bad news I read about on a Saturday morning will still be there on Monday.

  12. Pingback: Compassion Fatigue — Feministe « hahayourefunny

  13. This is something I think disabled activists have to learn to deal with from the get-go. As someone with some pretty severe psychological disabilities, I’ve realized I have to put myself first lest I be unable to help at all. Mostly, I do what I feel I can instead of what I feel I should. This largely limits me to commenting and writing, and sometimes only on certain issues. That may not be a lot, but it’s a helluva lot more than I could do if I forced myself into situations that would shut me down entirely.

  14. Chiming in with Lindsay on exercise. Also, having outside interests generally is smart, gives you something else to think about when you need a break.

    But above all other things: humor, humor, humor. That’s why I wrote a survival guide, and not a guide to changing the world. Sometimes surviving is what you need to focus on, and laughing your ass off through it helps.

    It doesn’t hurt, either, to remember that you’re probably better off than someone else, and if they can survive, so can you.

  15. Marlene:
    I try to spend an evening at the shooting range every other week (can’t worry about other things when the only thing in your mind is the wobble of the sights and the pressure on the trigger).

    Shooting can be very meditative. Provided you’re not surrounded by wanna-be Blackwater operatives who think “marksmanship” means “blasting through an entire magazine as fast as possible while being incredibly obnoxious”.

  16. I switch issues. I know it sounds weird, but the stuff I do isn’t physically exhausting. It is just emotionally draining. If I do something else, even if its helping someone else – it helps. So I cycle through causes that are important to me. I know sometimes it makes things difficult to the organizers because I can only take so many cases before I just need to stop, but its the way I keep from burning out completely.

  17. It’s not healthy, but I’m an escapist. I read trashy murder mysteries, sci-fi, or paranormal fiction. I drink. I pet my cat or my dog, because I make their world better, and I like knowing that I make the world better, even if it’s just for the cat and dog. I watch TV and movies. I play World of Warcraft. During the summer, I hang out in the pool. I pretend I can take artistic pictures. I look at pretty pictures. I talk to my mom. I talk to my best friend. (Though our conversations often end in crying or raging about the state of things, we do it together.)

    I live in Arizona, so I’m perpetually confronted by ideology that directly contradicts nearly everything in which I believe. So I read progressive AZ blogs to combat my sense of solitude.

    My ultimate remedy is acting. It’s also the ultimate escape from my reality. I haven’t done it in awhile, but I’m planning on exploring it when my job calms down. I think it will do me good.

  18. I wonder how many of us have these dreams. I used to have vivid dreams, about once every six months, of realizing I was unhappily pregnant and facing a logistical nightmare in order to obtain abortion care — or that I was past the legal limit in every state and shit out of luck.

    Since I shifted to part-time abortioneering to make time for grad school, I haven’t had such nightmares. And my guess is that it’s related to the fact that I’m terrible at self-care. I had plenty of days where I didn’t even stop to refill my water bottle — which is good, I guess, because I also didn’t stop for a bathroom break. If I couldn’t address my bodily needs, how was I going to make time for meditation or running or whatever?

    Things I’ve learned: I’m healthier when I can afford to stop and make time for a real lunch break — leave work, take a walk, talk to a friend. Really sweaty yoga, cooking something new, accomplishments like that. And letting other people look after me now and then (a massage, or just hugs from my partner). But the hardest thing is to commit to this stuff and not let it drop off when time’s short and you’re run ragged, which is when you need it most. Still working on that.

  19. I am a counselor who specializes in sexual trauma. My agency recently had an ethics training for clinicians, and we were reminded that self care is part of the American Counseling Association’s code of ethics. We are obligated as counselors to take care of ourselves so we can continue to serve our clients effectively. I wish that the ethics code made it so that everyone in my field actually does this, but of course it’s not the case. However, I am lucky to work in an agency that encourages self-care and clinicians supporting one another.

    Personally, I have had to learn methods for emotionally and mentally leaving work at the end of the day, whether through listening to books on tape on the way home or even visualizing a protective bubble around my office building as I leave. It might seem a little silly to some people, but it’s important so I don’t get sucked in to thinking about some of these things at night or over the weekend. For the most part I do alright with it, though. If I couldn’t leave most of it at work I wouldn’t be able to do my job well because I’d be too burned out.

  20. P.S. to Opheelia, all of your coping skills (except the drinking if it’s in excess) are totally healthy! It sounds like you take great care of yourself, enjoy creative outlets, and have a good support system. Keep that stuff up if you can, seriously.

  21. I just came to echo the importance of rest, other activities, exercise and good food. When I was in my 20s, I had a job I loved that inhad toning because I just burned out completely due to a lack of those things. 15 years later I’m still looking for something I love doing as much, but I’m much better at taking care of myself and the people around me.

    You have to protect and nurture yourself every day or eventually you can’t do the work.

  22. I’m a social work major and Texas Tech University and have worked in a social work field (HIV/AIDS) for over 4 years now. For the past 9 years I’ve worked within the GLBT community.

    I’ve neglected myself terribly. I have thought for a while that I was on the verge of burnout but when we began to learn about compassion fatigue and burnout in one of my classes I realized I was smack in the middle of it! I decided to make some changes so I 1) quit smoking 2) started going to the gym 3) started eating healthier and 4) gave myself permission to not be responsible for a few things.

    Going to the gym and reducing my responsibilities have been the biggest help. Though I’m happy I was finally able to quit smoking, I really miss that stress-coping mechanism sometimes. I made these changes back in December…yet I’m still dealing with burnout because it’s going to take time to fix.

    My suggestion to everyone: Start NOW! Don’t wait…

    If it helps (like it helped me) I give you permission to care about yourself just as much as you care about others.

  23. Music – doing, not just listening.

    When I need an incentive, I think of all the people I’ve known who’ve burnt out in various ways, and that’s warning enough. Patrick Califia said something along the lines of, ‘the first duty of a revolutionary is to survive’ and it’s become a bit of a motto for me. If I burn out, or even approach it, I won’t be able to help as much. It’s like what they say on aeroplanes: ‘if travelling with a child, put your own oxygen mask on before tending to the child’s’ – you’ll be no help if you’ve passed out.

  24. I have found that what works the best for me is watching You Tube videos of babies laughing and dogs being goofy. I also love watching Parks and Recreation. Leslie Knope is awesome! Once I’ve had a good laugh and a break from stressing and worrying, I can go back to my job.

  25. LoriA – Same here. Sadly too many people are of the “If you really cared about [cause] you’d have been at [event]” mentality, wherein there’s only one true path to activism.

    I wish there was more acknowledgement that each individual action, no matter how small, contributes toward the whole movement. Instead, in many movements, there’s a “more activist than thou” attitude where people seem to be competing for some mythical top spot.

  26. Mostly, I try to do things that are not only not activist in nature, but that don’t immediately call to mind feminist- or activist-related issues.  For example, I start wikis, or I continue organising my music while listening to it, or things like that.

    Sometimes, I go to the bar, but I bring a book with me, so I can get the comfort of people interacting without having to interact with them (says the introvert).

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