In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

But years of reading lady-mags told me I’m a pear!

Jill

angelina jolie eating a strawberry
“I totally care about breast cancer now.” -Men everywhere.

Time for another ridiculous Facebook game to supposedly raise awareness about breast cancer by attempting to titillate men:

We are playing a game. Someone proposed that we WOMEN do something special on Facebook to help with Breast Cancer Awareness. It’s easy, and I’d like you to join us to help it spread. Last year it was about writing the color of the bra that your were wearing in your Fb status and it left men wondering for days why the women had random colors as their status. This year it has to do with your relationship status. You will state where you are, by posting one of the codes below. Remember – don’t reply to this message just type your 1 word response in your status box on your profile. Then cut and paste this whole message into a new message and send it along to your female friends….

Blueberry: Im single
Pineapple its complicated
Raspberry: Im a touch and go woman
Apple: Engaged
Cherry: In a relationship
Banana: Im married
Avocado: Im the “other one
Strawberry: Cant find the right one
Lemon: Wish i was single
Grape: wants to get married.
The bra game reached TV, lets get this one to do the same, and show everyone how powerful women are.

No. Stupid. I’m ruining the game.

This actually does not show anyone how powerful women are. This shows people that we can post the names of fruit in our statuses. It also shows people that we can publicly embarrass ourselves by coordinating asinine games (and also that we can’t be bothered to use proper punctuation. I am not looking forward to the myriad misspellings of “avocado” that I’m bound to see over the next few weeks). And what in holy hell is a “touch-and-go woman”? (Sounds illegal). And doesn’t Facebook already list your relationship status if you want it to? Also, what does this have to do with breast cancer again? Most of these fruits aren’t even round!

Idea: If you want to raise awareness about breast cancer, don’t do this, because it is stupid and a waste of everyone’s time and is in fact really really insulting. Actually? Don’t focus on “raising awareness” about breast cancer at all. (You: “Hey, have you heard that there is this thing called breast cancer?” Everyone else: “Whaaaat? Tell me more! But let’s talk about fruit also.” No.) Perhaps instead, post some stats — like the fact that 1 in 8 American women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. Or link to an organization that works on finding a cure, or or that supports women with cancer, or that does a multitude of other actually productive things.

Go do that. Or, I don’t know, use Facebook to keep posting videos of cats. Because believe me, no dude is going to be sitting around reading Facebook thinking, “WHAT THE HELL IS WITH ALL OF THIS FRUIT wow you guys breast cancer is super important, let’s do something about that.”

54 thoughts on But years of reading lady-mags told me I’m a pear!

  1. Ah, slacktivism. What would the internet (and particularly, Facebook) be without opportunities for lazy, self-involved people to draw attention to themselves under the guise of drawing attention to something else?

    Also, isn’t October breast cancer awareness month…?

  2. Yes. This. Stupid. Thank you.

    But you know what? If they DIDN’T try to make it out to be some kind of Breast Cancer Awareness thing and just said ‘Hey let’s fuck with people and post fruit in our status for pure shits and giggles’, I might be inclined to play along.

    But because they try and make it out to be some crazy awareness thing (sorry.. you can’t say something is about Breast Cancer awareness when it has nothing to do with breasts, cancer or awareness) then I just end up hating the world. Because it’s stupid.

  3. Someone I know emailed me this ridiculousness. I just skimmed the email and hit delete. I do not readily participate in asinine FB “post this if you love me/hate cancer/consider me a friend/like sex/insert stupid reason here” I don’t like bully posts and this is exactly why…..

    Who gives a shit what my bra color is or if I love you? The first is nunya and the second…well, if you don’t know, don’t pressure me into telling you.

  4. Posting things that aren’t supposed to be understood seems counter to an “awareness” agenda.

  6. Perfect blog post, Jill. I made it my status message in gmail and 2 friends immediately commented on it. Ugh, that fruit thing was giving me a rash.

    And the fact that it asks you to define yourself by your relationship? Even more offensive than the stupid bra one.

  7. I’m starting my own game. I’m raising awareness of how happy people are to meander along after any Facebook meme that makes them feel remotely naughty. Everyone post your favorite pancake topping as your status–nothing else, just your favorite topping. Then forward this to all your female friends. It’s way funnier if everyone else is completely confused for two whole seconds, then decides they don’t really care and hides your profile because all you do is post random two-word status updates.

    Mine is “bananas.”

  8. Does this apply to dudes too? Because I’m an apple, but I’m definitely not engaged. (Well, I AM engaged in eating, hence the apple shape.)

  10. The hell does this have to do with breast cancer?

    At least now I have a heads-up for when my FB friends inevitably start posting this meme, so that *I* don’t have to spend days wondering, “Oh god, what is it this time what game are we supposed to be playing now.”

  11. What fruit is “single and celibate”? I know I can’t be the only person who noticed that these “statuses” are all based around the notion that every woman is either sexually/romantically involved with someone or wants to be. Or does “I’m single, uninvolved except with my vibrator, and perfectly content” come under “It’s complicated”?

  14. Yes, because “guess-what-I-mean, when-I-say-________” is a great stereotype to perpetuate. It will really reach men, who will be momentarily annoyed that they do not understand, then continue doing whatever else it is they do online.

  15. I think I’ll post a link to this article in the comments section of every stupid fruit status that I see. Memes like this just make me angry. There was one that went around a while ago, “change your FB profile pic to your favorite childhood cartoon to fight child abuse.” Nothing about actually doing something productive. Just more slacktivism and back-patting from privileged people who want to feel they’ve Done Something Good. I took the opportunity to link to the Donations page for the local domestic abuse shelter.

    I mean, sure, not everyone can contribute financially or with time. I get that. But cryptically changing your status/picture when you can do one or the other and then feeling like a massive philanthropist is counterproductive and stupid.

    Also: very tempted to post fruit that is not contained in the meme and make all my “friends” wonder what on earth pomegranate or lychee stands for. And then, when they ask, link to this article.

  16. I’m a dude. Thought I’d drop in and say that this is a fine website. Quality, cheeky writing about women’s issues, fighting to delineate the important matters from the ones people waste their time on.

    Keep up the good work.

  17. @Jill–

    Pomegranate: “In a publicly cutesy, privately kinky relationship. And no, the collar I wore to class on Monday is not just a fashion statement…”

  18. I just got one of those. Rather than respond with a fruit, I said:

    “Peaches! Pink! Red! Thong underwear! Coffee! On the table!

    There! Are you convinced yet that I care about breast cancer and child abduction? No? But I wrote a disjointed and completely unrelated word or phrase as my status update! Look how strong and powerful and caring I am!!

    STOP SENDING ME THIS BS. It’s insultingly stupid.”

    Now one of two things will happen: All of my female FB friends will tell me to lighten up and stop taking everything so seriously, or all of my female friends will flood my FB inbox with them because they think it’ll be funny.

  19. Thank you for this. I agree with the commenter who said that if it was just a silly fun thing it would be more appealing…in fact that’s exactly what I did with it. After getting the forward from about thirty people I put something in my status to the effect of “Cherry. Cherries are delicious. This has nothing to do with boobs, stop it.”

    All the “do this to raise awareness” memes are irritating beyond belief, really.

  20. If they get enough “banana” responses can they just switch it to penis cancer awareness? That seems sliiightly more relevant to the particular fruit at least. And then everyone can take “empowerful” photos of themselves sexily eating bananas. Yay. :p

  21. I don’t know, I posted black history facts all month long in my statuses and though many people “liked” my statuses nobody asked to “steal” any of them to pass the information aong. All the facts I posted were things youdidn’t learn in school. I fear that same thing woud ahppen with breast cancer stats. Facebook is supposed to be *fun* and *social* and for whatever reason most people consider serious things like little known but substantial back history facts and breast cancer stats to be….NOT fun or social.

    But then again, I did it anyway 🙂

  22. “like the fact that 1 in 8 American women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime.”

    You’re assuming we’re American.

    I get annoyed when people piss all over stuff like this. Yes it is silly but I can attest personally to the fact that people will stop calling you when they look at the fact that it’s scary. They won’t *ever* call you again and when you see their parents up the shops, they’re going to look fucking uncomfortable. This, at least, seems to inspire people to feel good about *thinking* about the disease and in my mind, that’s more likely to get them to check for lumps than a scare campaign. Scare campaigns do not always work too well, we’re too used to them now. I wish (I’m a statistician-lite) that just quoting a statistic worked but it doesn’t.

    I would rather laugh than cry about this. Let people have their memes.

    1. You’re assuming we’re American.

      …no, I’m not. I’m pointing to a fact and specifying the population I’m talking about. I’m not assuming anything about you.

  23. After some family drama this week, and now more of this “tee-hee sekrits from the boyz!” slacktivism, my lack of a Facebook has never been more of a relief.

    I go online to escape people I know IRL, and have a feeling that having to deal with them somewhere like Facebook would rip apart what remains of my sanity. At least this way I can pretend that certain people possess a modicum of goodness, something I couldn’t ever do if I witnessed their “England for the English” tirades in stark relief on my screen.

    Oh and I’m undoubtedly kiwi. “I’m hairy, I’m round and I have too many seeds. I apologise in advance if anything gets stuck between your teeth.”

  25. Hooray for speaking the truth, Jill, and calling this out for what it is. The very first time I saw one of these silly games, I went along with it (the where do you leave your purse one), but one of my friends–a survivor–pointed out that it doesn’t do a damn thing for breast cancer, and she was right. Everyone is AWARE of breast cancer, aren’t they?

    The other “slacktivism” thing I hate about Facebook is when people post things about various causes or illnesses (child abuse, cancer, mental illness, soldiers dying, you name it) and urge everyone to change their status. The implication is that you DON’T care if you don’t change your status.

  26. I got onto FB for one purpose only: for a volunteer effort for my church (for which purpose it was useless – everybody wound up communicating by e-mail, or hey! by phone! Remember phone calls? How quaint!). Period, full stop, end of story. Quite frankly, I wish FB would go away.

    But hey, let’s play silly memes! My fruit is ginkgo, meaning “go away, leave me alone, I’m asexual and NOT INTERESTED, and if you pester me, I’ll turn into a stinkbomb, just like ginkgo fruits do when you smush them on the sidewalk”.

  27. Marie – That’s one thing that’s always bothered me. I work in the marketing department of a major health system that has massive federal grants specifically for breast cancer research, and what do we do for Breast Cancer Awareness Month? Make shit pink and talk about self-exams. I noted in a meeting that while self-exams are important (making shit pink less so), everyone else was going to be talking about that, and why not talk about ongoing research into the causes of breast cancer, advances in treatment, the importance of funding research–y’know, stuff that sets our cancer center apart and that no one else will be talking about. Got lots of blank looks.

  28. Oh my God. I’m just in disbelief over how stupid this is. There is absolutely nothing connecting these things together. It’s like they’re floating in space. If I see any of this shit on my Facebook feed, I might go off the handle.

  30. Jill: …no, I’m not. I’m pointing to a fact and specifying the population I’m talking about. I’m not assuming anything about you.

    Doesn’t change how US-centric that statement is and that the facts mentioned on feministe are usually centered on that region, unless it’s an international piece or Chally is writing.

    The rest of my statement stands.

    1. Doesn’t change how US-centric that statement is and that the facts mentioned on feministe are usually centered on that region, unless it’s an international piece or Chally is writing.

      Feel free to point me to your own blog, where you do the good and hard work of covering every region of the world fairly and equally. Seriously, the internet needs you.

      And yes, a fact that specifies it’s about American women is, in fact, U.S.-centric. Why that is necessarily a bad thing in this particular context is unclear — perhaps you just know that the term “US-centric” tends to be ill-received on feminist blogs, and so you’re throwing it around to Prove Something? My suggestion was to post a statistic, and then I gave a statistic that will resonate with millions of Facebook readers. So yes, it is fun to point and yell “US-centric!!!” at a stat about women in the US, but it is awfully silly.

  31. Doesn’t change how US-centric that statement is

    No? The “American” qualifier isn’t really trying to sneak around you, yanno… If the sentence were American-centric it would say “1 in 8 women” and just assume that obviously American stats are universal.

  32. Iany: Doesn’t change how US-centric that statement is and that the facts mentioned on feministe are usually centered on that region, unless it’s an international piece or Chally is writing.

    The rest of my statement stands.

    I see an opportunity to add a new non-US blog to the feminist blogosphere. The community typically loves new voices with strong opinions.

  33. Cactus Wren:
    Or does “I’m single, uninvolved except with my vibrator, and perfectly content” come under “It’s complicated”?

    Cactus Wren, this comment actually just made my life.

    pop aristocrat:
    I’m a dude. Thought I’d drop in and say that this is a fine website. Quality, cheeky writing about women’s issues, fighting to delineate the important matters from the ones people waste their time on.

    Keep up the good work.

    Thank you very much! 🙂

  34. Cactus Wren: Or does “I’m single, uninvolved except with my vibrator, and perfectly content” come under “It’s complicated”?

    It possibly comes under “touch and go”.

  35. Feel free to point me to your own blog, where you do the good and hard work of covering every region of the world fairly and equally. Seriously, the internet needs you. And yes, a fact that specifies it’s about American women is, in fact, U.S.-centric. Why that is necessarily a bad thing in this particular context is unclear — perhaps you just know that the term “US-centric” tends to be ill-received on feminist blogs, and so you’re throwing it around to Prove Something? My suggestion was to post a statistic, and then I gave a statistic that will resonate with millions of Facebook readers. So yes, it is fun to point and yell “US-centric!!!” at a stat about women in the US, but it is awfully silly.

    Oh, come on… I am sorry for the derail, but that’s just plain annoying. Someone pointed to the fact that pointing to a national stat of breast cancer on a post that is about a (worldwide) communication platform and (indeed) fucked up campaign is US-centric, and the only thing you come up here with, Jill, is a snarky denial and “What about youuuuuu?!” Although a non-USian (and I stole that term from Chally…), I do agree that there are more important aspects to this campaign that need to be discussed (and I disagree with Iany assertion that breast cancer needs to be presented as a funny “feel good” topic to make people care… really?!), but it’s stuff like that – the almost arrogant brushing aside criticism of US-centricity – that show exactly what the problem with US-centricity is and make me stop reading this (normally beloved) blog for some time. Sigh.

    1. Oh, come on… I am sorry for the derail, but that’s just plain annoying. Someone pointed to the fact that pointing to a national stat of breast cancer on a post that is about a (worldwide) communication platform and (indeed) fucked up campaign is US-centric, and the only thing you come up here with, Jill, is a snarky denial and “What about youuuuuu?!” Although a non-USian (and I stole that term from Chally…), I do agree that there are more important aspects to this campaign that need to be discussed (and I disagree with Iany assertion that breast cancer needs to be presented as a funny “feel good” topic to make people care… really?!), but it’s stuff like that – the almost arrogant brushing aside criticism of US-centricity – that show exactly what the problem with US-centricity is and make me stop reading this (normally beloved) blog for some time. Sigh.

      It’s not brushing aside of US-centricity. It’s recognizing that it’s not invalid to use a statistic about American women if you point out that you’re talking about American women. It was one example of a statistic that people can use, with the suggestion that people find other statistics as well.

      And you know what I find plain annoying? The fact that on every single thread on this blog, someone has to come on and whine about how “you didn’t do this one thing exactly right!” And fuck that. Seriously.

  36. So she should have dug up how many women in Ghana have breast cancer and posted that as a statistic, just to Prove Something?

  37. Whenever these stupid memes come up, I try to post an actual action step people can take, signing up to be on the Army of Women email list. That’s the Susan Love project to create a list of 1M women willing to get notices about breast cancer-related medical studies, and willing to consider participating in the ones for which they are qualified.

    It is discouraging how many people will post pickle, on the kitchen counter, or black lace, but not sign up to be on an email list that could actually advance the cause of cancer research. But perhaps not surprising. http://www.armyofwomen.org is the link if you want to join.

  38. becky: I am sorry for the derail, but that’s just plain annoying. Someone pointed to the fact that pointing to a national stat of breast cancer on a post that is about a (worldwide) communication platform and (indeed) fucked up campaign is US-centric, and the only thing you come up here with, Jill, is a snarky denial and “What about youuuuuu?!”

    I imagine that pouring your time and energy into writing a blog like this just to have a bunch of folks come by to declare that UR DOIN IT RONG can get a little grating. And Jill is correct to some degree — it’s super fun to correct others’ politics, but are you contributing in some other fashion? If not, you’re just threadjacking.

  40. So she should have dug up how many women in Ghana have breast cancer and posted that as a statistic, just to Prove Something?

    “OMG, Ghana is such a weird little country no one has ever heard of, or gives a damn about, so why should we digg up stuff on that, right?! That’s a really good example of how ridiculous the anti-US-centricity argument is, right?!” Ugh…

    Anyway: I did not want to smash the entire post or the blog or Jill or anything the like; I was surprised and irritated by the tone of one particular reaction. Since you, Jill and Florence, explained that on every single post someone comes up with “you didn’t do THIS and THAT,” (and obviously I need to be more perceptive of concern trolling), I understand better where you’re coming from.
    In any case: /derail.

  41. Thank you for this! These things annoy me endlessly.

    If it makes a difference, I’m an Indian, and it got around to our inboxes by this morning, which would the night of the 8th for the Americans.

  42. How come I never see stupid-ass memes trying to raise awareness of the assault on abortion rights, or IPV, or the often atypical (i.e. not-man-like) presentation of heart disease in women? Breast cancer is a serious health issue, but it’s not the only issue. Statistically speaking, it’s not even the most important issue.

    Oh, but I forgot, boobs.

  43. Jill: It’s not brushing aside of US-centricity. It’s recognizing that it’s not invalid to use a statistic about American women if you point out that you’re talking about American women. It was one example of a statistic that people can use, with the suggestion that people find other statistics as well.

    And you know what I find plain annoying? The fact that on every single thread on this blog, someone has to come on and whine about how “you didn’t do this one thing exactly right!” And fuck that. Seriously.

    Yeah, basically. Also, becky: I didn’t come up with the term USian, it’s one developed by people in the Americas who are not from the United States of America.

  45. Thanks to Nonsequiteuse for directing us to the armyofwomen! I just signed up. I had my first mammogram at age 46 (was pregnant or breastfeeding for much of my 40s), and it was a horrific experience. My breasts are full of calcifications, so I had to have higher-level mammograms, an ultrasound, and a painful needle biopsy. It is all okay (after a stressful several days’ wait), but I have to go back in 6 months…and I have a feeling this is just the beginning, since my mammography is “complicated.” So I’m all for improving the research!

  46. Thank you for this! I recently ran across one of the many “re-post this” status updates about cancer in general. So, I posted a link to the American Cancer Society’s donation page. A little part of me wanted to be rude and tell the person that if they really cared, they’d have posted the same or similar link instead of spamming pointless faux “activism”, but alas it was not an option.

  47. Or donate actual time and money to curing breast cancer, because we already have plenty of awareness. Ask a random person on the street what breast cancer is and you’ll probably get a pretty reasonable answer about how common and how deadly it is. This facebook “game” is just another example of the “I’ll put a pink ribbon on it so I can say I’m helping” attitude toward breast cancer (and plenty of other diseases) that bothers me so much. Awareness is good, and necessary, but it doesn’t cure cancer.

  48. Nonsequiteuse:
    Whenever these stupid memes come up, I try to post an actual action step people can take, signing up to be on the Army of Women email list.

    Thank you very much for this – I wasn’t aware of the research and have now signed up 🙂 It is often difficult to know what can usefully be done (particularly when money is tight and so many charities are asking for money) – it is nice to have a practical suggestion!

  49. Slacktivism drives me nuts. Thanks for the link to Army of Women – I will certainly post this one each “fruit” post I get.

    Just wondering where I fit, as an engaged, bisexual, polyamorous woman? I guess I’m the whole damn orchard. Hooray!

  50. I would like to throw in my penny’s worth :D….

    I have been affected by breast cancer…i have lost a good friend and seen some go through a lot of ‘scares’ :(…

    But i also have a sense of humour. I donate to charities including ones such as breast cancer awareness but i do so annonymously and privately. I have no need to publicize the fact on facebook or anywhere else for that matter. But i did find the game amusing and thought i’d add my own foods etc ‘for a laugh’ and nothing to do with breast cancer. I’m not stupid and am a carer by nature and in my job. Dont judge me for playing a game…you know nothing about my life….and if you’re a ‘friend’ trying to demean me…well…you’re no friend at all.

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