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FNTT Season 7: the Smashmortion round

Jill

Background on Feministe’s Next Top Troll is here. Today we bring you trolls who have very strong opinions on the abortion issue. Let us show you them:

1. Daniel de Culla:

I want all women to abort. They only give birth motherfuckers & sheasses bastard¡

2. peterp:

I’m struck by the self serving attitude of many of the posts here, proclaiming so much concern about the woman’s life…and none at all about the innocent entity whose shot at life is ended by abortion. I’d call not having a life a bit more impact than having a life and having it changed by engaging in sexual activity.

3. Mr. Rj – The Conservative Traditionalist:

Well, I find this very interesting. I would like all of you feminists to think about this one thing here. If your mother aborted you, you would not be here today and you would not be able to fight sexism.


50 thoughts on FNTT Season 7: the Smashmortion round

  1. I voted, but presumably it doesn’t count as if my mother had aborted me, I wouldn’t have been able to do so.

  2. Oh man…this was a tough one….

    peterp’s charming yet very confusing line of:

    “I’d call not having a life a bit more impact than having a life and having it changed by engaging in sexual activity.”

    I have to keep re-reading it to understand it and make some sense of it. Not havinig a life vs. having a life and having sex in that life? If that is what IT is trying to say…I’ll take having a life with sexual benefits anyday. But I don’t think that is what it meant….. So confused….the meaning eludes me. So he got my vote.

    But not before really pondering Mr. RJ’s poignant statement that had I not been born I would not be able to fight sexism. For THAT is the entire purpose of my existence? Well here are some more tid bits….had I not been born I wouldn’t have had to see my dad beat my mom growing up. Had I not been born I would not have had to endure his alcohol-filled verbal abuse. Had I not been born they would not have been able to disown me and their grandchildren because they did not approve of how I was raising them. So many happy-feelies for having been born. Had I not been born, I just simply would not exist.

    Maybe we should poll the nonexistent to see if they’re as pissed off as Mr. RJ would lead us all to believe they are.

  6. If my mom had aborted me, I maybe would have been president or found a cure for cancer!

    (Sadly, she didn’t and I’m just a lowly office drone.)

  8. I went with peterp for his use of the word “entity” which immediately made me think of alien life forms.

  9. Definitely Mr. Rj, because I feel that he left the comment expecting the reaction “OMG, I so never thought of that, what truth he speaks!” Which was my reaction, only dripping with sarcasm.

  10. I went for Daniel de Culla because of the total incoherency of his statement, the large number of spelling and grammar errors in just a few short words, and a heart-warming level of misogyny. But I have a question: What are “sheasses”?

    The other two were big yawns, pulling out two of the most common and uninteresting tropes spit out by forced-birthers. Like other commenters have said, questions like RJ the conservacowpie just make me laugh.

  11. Definitely Mr. RJ. if my mother had aborted me I wouldn’t be here, but if she had *not* aborted some ten years before she had me, I wouldn’t be here either. (There are sound medical reasons I am an only child….)

    Therefore, RJ and your ilk, FUCK YOU. I am grateful my mother had the chance to choose, both when she chose abortion and when she chose to carry to term. BOTH choices were necessary for me to exist today.

  12. I’m having a difficult time choosing this round. Daniel de Culla is obviously just baiting, and the other two are boring. I’ve heard both those “arguments” so many times — ho hum. I’ll ponder some more, but I may just sit this round out.

  13. GallingGalla: as far as I can figure out sheasses are female mules. I love Deculla, a good incoherent rant is priceless.

  14. Daniel de Culla: He thinks women only give birth to “motherfuckers”, and since he was once born to his own mother, that makes him a motherfucker. Trolls who accidentally insult themselves are the best.

  17. Bushfire: Daniel de Culla:He thinks women only give birth to “motherfuckers”, and since he was once born to his own mother, that makes him a motherfucker.Trolls who accidentally insult themselves are the best.  

    This.

  18. De Culla is also the first troll I’ve seen advocate human extinction (seeing as he says all women should abort). Assuming I’ve not missed a predecessor, that distinction earns him my vote.

  19. Tough one here. Mr. Rj made SUCH a compelling argument, but I had to give it to peterp for basically saying that it’s a woman’s own fault for having teh secks. Close one, though.

  20. De Culla, though I think that’s going to be difficult on, say, the seventy-year-old women who haven’t managed to fit in their abortions yet.

  21. Mr RJ…

    Think about this, Mr. RJ. If all the mothers of sexist people like you aborted, then we feminists wouldn’t have any sexism to fight!

  22. AtheistChick: Mr RJ…Think about this, Mr. RJ. If all the mothers of sexist people like you aborted, then we feminists wouldn’t have any sexism to fight!  

    Exactly.

  23. I voted for Mr. de Culla for coining the phrase “sheasses bastard¡.” I’m totally giving birth to one of those! where do I sign up?

    (though Mr. RJ did garner points for invoking the “women who have abortions and women who give birth are two TOTALLY different populations” trope)

  25. RJ, because OHMIGOSH, having me fight sexism is TOTALLY why my mother got knocked up in the first place!

  26. Brennan: I went with peterp for his use of the word “entity” which immediately made me think of alien life forms.  

    Yeah, I immediately thought of The Crystalline Entity from STTNG and Patrick Stewart saying crystalline to rhyme with “wine.” Otherwise, he and RJ were pretty boring. I liked de Culla for the pithy incoherence, but I wondered: Can he really be considered a specifically antifeminist troll if he wants the whole human race dead?

  27. Mr RJ made me laugh out loud. Good job I’m alone in the house so nobody can hear me snorting. I’m a big fan of “Well what if YOU were aborted? You wouldn’t like that would you?” posts.

  28. I’m going with RJ on this one. I always like the old “well what if YOUR mother aborted YOU?” trope, and he gets bonus points for apparently assuming that not being able to fight sexism is the worst thing we could think of. Traditionalist, indeed.

  29. I find Mr Rj very interesting. I would like Mr Rj to think about this one thing here. If your common sense had aborted your comment, you would not be laughed at here today and you would not appear to be a total dimwit.

  30. A very hard choice, but I have to go with de Culla. Apparently there are two kinds of people, the motherfuckers and sheasses bastardi, who came from women who didn’t have abortions, and other wonderful people like himself, who seem to have come from somewhere else. There were times when I was pregnant, that I very much would have preferred that second choice, if only I had known how to go about it.

  31. I gave it to RJ because I have a soft-spot for “What if YOU were aborted?! You’d REALLY give a shit about all this if you didn’t exist, wouldn’t you?!” anti-choice arguments. But upon re-reading, I’m starting to wish I’d voted for Daniel de Culla. ‘Bastardi’ made me giggle.

  32. I went with peterp, just because he sounded so disappointed in all of us. Daniel was a VERY close second.

    I have to admit, I was surprised at the lack of exclamation points. Usually, anti-choice posts include a lot of them.

  34. RD: Meh, boring.  

    I have to say, I too am a little disappointed. I mean, we’re talking shmushmortion here, people, and THAT was the best these trolls could do? None of these amateurs deserve to be FNTT; I guess their mothers might just as well have aborted them.

  35. Absolutely agreeing with EAMD and the others on that thought – really, in approximately six months, there weren’t any better anti-choice troll selections than this? What fun is that? Schmabortion should bring out better trolling than this.

    Going for Daniel, as that was the only one that couldn’t have been cut & pasted from any comment thread even remotely tangential to abortion. On its own, it stands as a delightfully incoherent little bit, and would be a strong contender even if the other choices weren’t so meager.

  36. Mr. Rj because OMG that “argument” is so oooooooold I’d almost forgotten people still ascribe to it. uuuuuuuugh.

    Also, if my mother had had an abortion when she was carrying me, that would’ve been her right. She was the one who already had a life at the time and…. OMG I’m not even going to try to explain this. Again. -_-

  37. Daniel De Culla almost had me there with his word-soup nonsense, but in the end, I had to go with RJ. You’ll always win me over with the “what if your mom had aborted you?” argument. Well, if she had… I probably wouldn’t ever know about it.

  38. Almost had to go with Daniel, because “bastardi” is now my new favorite word, but I had to give it to peterp because I am still trying to figure out how never having been born at all makes a greater impact than being born followed by ANYTHING AT ALL.

  39. Granny T: There were times when I was pregnant, that I very much would have preferred that second choice, if only I had known how to go about it.  

    lol *snort*

  41. Florence: If my mom had aborted me, I maybe would have been president or found a cure for cancer!(Sadly, she didn’t and I’m just a lowly office drone.)  

    Usually, the abortion controversy just makes me angry. (Mostly angry that it’s a “controversy” at all.) But that made me laugh. Best turn-the-cliche-inside-out post I’ve ever seen. Well done.

  43. What RJ says sounds like the typical “That baby could’ve grown up to cure cancer!” argument. To which I say, gee, that mother–had she not been forced to carry her pregnancy to term, dropping out of school to do so–could have gone to med school and, um, cured cancer. So.

  45. Scientists everywhere were delighted by the announcement that the cause of Troll Syndrome had been discovered. A previously unknown bacterium, Sheasses bastardi, has been linked to the chronic condition.

  46. Mr. Rj, for that condescending tone. I am properly ashamed, Mr. Rj. My lowly female brain has never once considered that I could have been aborted, too! This changes everything! What would I have done without such a stern talking-to?

  47. rj is my pick for insinuating that if the government had control over our reproductive systems, there would be more feminists to fight against sexism? Huh? What?
    Thankfully, my mother brought me into this sexist world! Just great.

  48. RJ, for making me laugh.

    If my mother had had an abortion instead of carrying me to term, I obviously would not be around to give a damn.

    Oh SNAP – if my parents had decided they didn’t want kids and my mom had stayed on birth control, I ALSO would not be around to give a damn.

    And man, I really don’t give a damn.

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