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FNTT Season 7: the Post-Racial round

Jill

image of six black ducks and one yellow duck

Background on Feministe’s Next Top Troll is here. Today we offer you trolls who are so enlightened, they know that skin is just, like, a color, man. Vote below the fold.



1. Jamie Frank:

I am a white American male who has dated a variety of foreign women along with American women. I will say the foreign women got the American women beat. It isn’t because foreign women are weaker or subservient then the strong independent American female. Foreign women are better lovers and better in relationships, and generally have more class. Foreign women are more in tune with their partners vs American women who are only in tune with themselves. It’s true American women are self centered and selfish. I am seeing more and more guys venturing out to foreign women to get away from the angry selfish American female.

2. Alex:

I think the most legitimate solution is to realize that all stereotypes — racist, sexist, and otherwise — have an element of truth in them, and then to engage in the bawdy humor with your relatives because, lets face it, racist, bigoted, and sexist humor can be a tremendous amount of fun. In the end, there’s really nothing wrong with a little racism behind closed doors.

3. Joe:

Why do you complain about whiteness when you live in countries founded and fought for by whites? Maybe you should stay in your own countries with your beautiful people.

4. Murgo:

It depends what is deemed racist. Certainly, some on here have a much more sensitive trigger to declare a statement racist, when in reality, it is not. It may not be “politically correct” or even “sensitive” but does not necessarily cross the racist line.

Regardless, I think the reaction of the person in the email above was a bit hysterical. Jeez, get a grip. I’m mean that honestly.

5. Comrad:

Oh, believe me, I sympathize with you on having a medical preference. I only go to white doctors if I can manage it. I just don’t want someone looking at me as though I was a representative of a colonialist tradition and looking down on me for a racial privilege that I may or may not benefit from. If I have to go for a specialist, I will, though.


61 thoughts on FNTT Season 7: the Post-Racial round

  1. Joe. Simply because his ignorance of history is blatant – and his assumption that we live in multiple countries. I can only be in one place at a time, Joe…..

    BUt it was a close one with Alex who loves to hoot and holler with his family over racist jokes. What a perfect group THAT must be to have such disregard for everyone else. No dog poops on THEIR lawn! Of that I can be sure….

  3. I’m voting for Comrad, because even though he can’t spell his own name he’s at least self-aware enough to recognize he’s an opportunist when it benefits himself. I value mindfulness in my trolls.

  4. I was going to vote for Joe, but then I was so amused by Comrad’s “I only go to white doctors.” How exactly does he accomplish this when going to an unfamiliar place? “Doctor White, who could be whiter than that? I’m safe! … oh CRAP he’s black!”

  5. Alex for: “because, lets face it, racist, bigoted, and sexist humor can be a tremendous amount of fun. In the end, there’s really nothing wrong with a little racism behind closed doors.”

    Tremendous fun indeed! Of course there is nothing wrong with that.

  7. This was tough! And by the looks of things it looks like this is going to be a really close race for all our trolltenders.

    I went with Alex though, for not considering where this mysterious “Element of truth” behind racist humor came from.

    Also, that picture of the ducklings is just adorable.

  10. In the end I had to go with Alex for suggesting off-handedly in the end, “what’s wrong with a little racism behind closed doors?” in the same tone of voice you might suggest, “what’s wrong with two consenting adults making love in their own bedroom?”

    Yeah. Totally the same.

    Wait …

  12. Jamie Frank, because he is an enlightened man. No, not all women are the same; there is a VAST difference between the American women and all of us foreign women from 194 other countries. But within that category… yep, all of us are pretty much the best lovers ever. That’s why we never get divorced abroad.

  13. I’m going with Alex, for the “what’s a little racist humor among buds?” attitude. I mean, most of the people I know seem to have this attitude, but they never actually say it out loud like that.

    Comrad comes in for a close second, but the whining about how oppressive it is to have White privilege is a little done. (Which is why I skipped over the others–I’ve heard the “American females aren’t shit, long live ‘foreign’ women,” “Hysteria!” and “I don’t actually know jack shit about history but you people should go back to your own countries–OH YOU MEAN YOU ARE ABORIGINAL and THAT YOUR PEOPLE ARE FROM HERE? WELL FUCK ME.”)

    And may I say. . .these trolls are very articulate. And clean. That’s so rare for racist trolls. They are a credit to their trolly race.

  14. Comrad–for being willing to sacrifice his health for the cause. Well, unless he has to see a SPECIALIST. Because they’re special.

  15. Wow, all of these are so great, it was really hard to choose. Jamie Frank went straight to the “Men don’t like American women because American women are SELFISH,” Alex used the classic, “Stereotypes wouldn’t exist if they weren’t true” bit, Joe is clinging to his revisionist history, Murgo admits that racist and bigoted jokes are totes hilarious, and Comrad is afraid that non-white doctors will maybe kill him?

    I went with Comrad, for his, “I’m only racist because THEY were racist first/Being racist is good for my health” spiel.

  16. Ooooh. This one’s the toughest so far…

    Murgo almost got it for strategic use of “hysterical”. Comrad was tempting too, simply for the perplexing nature of his fear and the lolz that came from imagining the exchange. (“Hi Comrad, how have you been feeling lately? Oh, you have stomach cramps.. have you COLONISED ANYWHERE LATELY?”)

    Ultimately though, Joe’s incongruous combo of “fuck off we’re full” sentiments and exoticisation got my vote.

  17. I had to give it to joe for the imperialist bullshit, and for the obvious miss on the fact that colonized peoples are living in their own beautiful homelands and that black americans aren’t mainly because white people kidnapped them to be slaves. I am also assuming “fought for by whites” in the case of the US means founded by whites genociding native americans and kidnapping and enslaving black people. Oh, and that people of color are exempt from the draft and from paying taxes that go to the army.

  18. That was hard! I liked Jamie for using “self centered and selfish” (as if they both need to be said and aren’t actually the same thing) and Mungo for creating an arbitrary continuum from sensitive to politically incorrect to racist, but I ultimately went w/ Comrad for saying he’s looked down on because of whiteness.

  19. It was tough, but I went with Murgo for implying that ze is the sole arbiter of what “cross[es] the racist line.” I’ll be sure to run everything I say past hir in the future to be sure I’m safe.

  20. @Li: “Hi Comrad, how have you been feeling lately? Oh, you have stomach cramps.. have you COLONISED ANYWHERE LATELY?”

    I LOLed.

  21. I am afraid that those are arguments I have heard before, so they are bringing nothing new to the troll table. I would like some ingenuity and piquancy.
    I voted for Comrad for only liking white doctors.

  22. I was going to go with Joe’s “Isn’t it nice that we’re all a little bit racist?”, but Comrad’s very special message just captured my heart – there’s something wonderful/horrifying about a troll who sympathizes. All in all, heart-warming. In the sense of flames on the side of my face.

  23. Alex, for the notions that there isn’t anything wrong with racism as long as it happens behind closed doors and that racism isn’t bad because it has “an element of truth”. Absolutely disgusting.

  24. After spending a few minutes trying to think of a statement or joke that was racially insensitive but not racist, I voted for Murgo.

  25. Comrad wins it for me. “I feel guilty about my race oppressing black people, so I’ll oppress black people to avoid feeling guilty”

  26. Had to go with Comrad. Just because I have dealt with enough doctors in my life to know that the color of their skin has jack-all to do with their professional competence. It’s almost as if doctors were people!

  27. Although I really liked Murgo’s “racist comments aren’t really racist, and if you think racism is racist then you’re hysterical,” I finally had to vote for Joe, because he is SO confused. Even though many of the people who write about whiteness on this blog are white, Joe wants to “send us back to our country”, a line usually reserved for POC. The result is that the colonizers would have to move out of the colonized country, leaving the indigenous people in peace. So Joe’s comment kinda turns in on itself in a beautiful way.

    So, Joe, I’ll let you know when I move back to England to be with my beautiful people!

  28. Jamie Frank. It’s a personal thing. J’adore American men who have found all American women wanting and have turned to “foreign” women to get their needs met. Jamie just brings an extra dimension to it by unabashedly classing all “foreign” women in the world as a single group with the same characteristics. Golden!

  30. It’s a close one between Alex and Joe. In the end, though, I have to go with Joe. Alex was pretty trollish, but the whole “stereotypes are really actually true” bit is pretty unoriginal. I mean, how many times have we all been told to lighten up about those trememdously fun bigoted jokes? Joe though…epic historical fail. So he wins.

  31. I’m torn. Alex’s comment reads like satire. I’m not sure whether this makes him more vote-worthy or less.

  32. Bit of a weak round, this. Everything’s a letdown after pyromaniac clowns.
    But I think I shall have to go with Alex, he of the undoubtedly charming Family Of Bigots and their weekly invitation-only Bigot-Offs.

  33. I wanted to vote for Conrad because he is So Very Progressive and really needs a cookie for that, but I am a softy for a hypocrite. Thank you, Murgo, for informing us that although everything is subjective, we’re wrong.

    Oh, and I love the Freudian slip in announcing that s/he is mean. Lolz.

  36. I have to go with Comrad, just because he’s so thoughtfully appropriated the concept of privilege and assumed it means being sneered at.

  37. “…lets face it, racist, bigoted, and sexist humor can be a tremendous amount of fun. In the end, there’s really nothing wrong with a little racism behind closed doors.”
    Couldn’t stop laughing/crying. Alex, do we work at the same place?

  39. This was hard as all of them actually seemed a little bland. But Jamie Frank got it just for the phrase “guys venturing out to foreign women.” This little image just unavoidably popped into my head of a lone guy in the prow of a tiny sailboat far out at sea, his hands shading his eyes from the sun, scanning the horizon carefully for foreign women .. or maybe using an old-fashioned spyglass.

  40. I had to go for Jamie Frank. Of course, I have also been visiting “Boycott American Women” multiple times a day to look for new posts because it makes me LOL so much, so maybe I have a problem.

    Latest one “its is true that its a growing trend among the women to act like tryant like cunt flaps.”

  41. I just couldn’t pick. They’re all so special in their own ways.
    1. Jamie Frank has been dumped by one too many angry selfish American females and realizes he will never have another date unless he goes international.
    2. Alex is a real family man. What better place to engage in some bawdy bigoted humor than with your relatives behind closed doors?
    3. Joe thinks non-white people are beautiful. He just wants them to stay in their own countries.
    4. Murgo is sincere, and I mean that honestly.
    5. Comrad realizes that if he needs to see a specialist M.D., he won’t get a white dr.

  42. Comrad.

    Pretty weak trolling here. Murgo’s post might actually have been totally reasonable if calling the referred post “a bit hysterical” was fair (which is at least theoretically possible).
    While the other ones were all somewhat offensive they are far from the unhinged ramblings we have seen from other contenders.

  43. Wow! This was hard, primarily because I just couldn’t get my head around the idea that these might be real. Every time I read them the sarcasm font went on and I sort of laughed because these must have been written tongue-in-cheek, right? Right??!!! I am sickened to share this planet with such dolts. Ugh!

  44. Murgo, for his complete lack of understanding of the word “racism,” attributing it to some kind of wishy-washy cultural sensitivity, as though it has no precise set of meanings.

  45. I’ve got to agree that everything is a let down after pyromaniac clowns.

    I’m going with Alex, for the casual “behind closed doors it’s ok because we all do it because it’s true. amirite?” thing.

    But damn, Comrad’s fear of anti-colonialist doctors is a so-close second.

  46. For some reason, the vote button ain’t working – just hanging up on oascentral.com. But my choice is Comrad, for twisting the language of social justice around to serve his racist ends.

    Though Joe is a close second, just because we all had so much fun with his “Maybe you should stay in your own countries with your beautiful people” bullshit.

  47. I had to give it to Comrad. Yes, Comrad, everything everyone does is about YOU. No one has their own lives or nothing, it’s just all about Comrad. Win.

  49. Jamie, because he and he alone recognizes that both the man and the woman in a het relationship should be “tuned in to” the man.

  50. gogobooty: I voted for Jamie Frank, connoisseur of women. He knows his shit.  

    I was waffling back and forth and then saw this comment and I knew I had to vote for Jamie, too. The others were close behind, though. (I mean, honestly, who wouldn’t want to go to a white doctor?… you know, because they’re so… uh… privileged?)

  51. Comrad, for the head-tiltingly bizarre privelege. Murgo helped me check off a square on my bingo card with “hysterical,” though!

  52. Just reading these is making me cringe.

    I guess all the trolls make me cringe but the familiarity of these from verbal conversations is saddening.

  53. Pidgey: Comrad wins it for me. “I feel guilty about my race oppressing black people, so I’ll oppress black people to avoid feeling guilty”  

    Exactly. I voted for ‘Comrad’ as well 🙂

  55. The sad thing about this round is that they all sound sincere. Yikes. Jamie Frank for me. Do you think he set up the boycott American women blog?

  56. Florence: @Li:“Hi Comrad, how have you been feeling lately? Oh, you have stomach cramps.. have you COLONISED ANYWHERE LATELY?”I LOLed.  

    I voted Comrad for this reason!

  57. Comrad, for his enlightened acknowledgement that he “may or may not” benefit from racial privilege coupled with the lengths he seems to be going to avoid thinking about it. Unless he needs a specialist.

  60. I just have to say thank you for these troll contests. I may be a bit triggered at first, but then reading the mockery makes me feel less triggered, braver, and makes me ready for the next troll I encounter. Really, its educational.

  61. How come Murgo got so little love? I know he’s not super-funny, but he cover more bases than any of the other ones: not only is he racist, he also brings in traditional sexist arguments about us all being too sensitive and hysterical.

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