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People not to marry

Jill

Cardboard sign advertising the sale of an engagement ring

This guy.

His name is John Jannuzzi, and while I am sure he is a totally nice human being and will be a great husband, his blog was inspired by a commercial for Jared Jewelers (which in fairness he says he won’t shop at) and you know if you marry him your first dance will be to a U2 song. Probably that Ross & Rachel one.

This, on the other hand, is more like it.

32 thoughts on People not to marry

  1. I expected this to be terrible, but the entries I read were pretty good. I don’t see what about this makes him a bad bet as a future husband.

    1. It doesn’t make him a bad bet — I’m sure he’ll be a great husband for someone. It’s just cheesy as hell. “I WILL Hold your handbag if you ask me to, but I will not enjoy it.” “WE CAN DRINK Wine until we pass out on each other.” “OUR WEDDING Will be a tasteful affair, the kind of wedding people will remember in the best way.”

      I’m sure he’s a totally nice person, but blah, boring and uncreative. The To My Husband girl, on the other hand…

  2. Ok, in fairness, the Jared Jewelry commercial inspired the blog because he didn’t like it. And he said he wouldn’t be purchasing a ring like that. I read through the blog and truly it wasn’t that bad. He doesn’t seem like a raging misogynist.

    1. And no, he’s totally not a misogynist, but I reserve the right to make fun of cheesy people even when they are not misogynists.

  4. Yeah, this is a bad post. You’re too harsh here. You don’t want a guy who is “cheezy” and you want to be like the girl at To My Husband. What kind of partner fits in between?

  6. Yeah, this is a bad post. You’re too harsh here. You don’t want a guy who is “cheezy” and you want to be like the girl at To My Husband. What kind of partner fits in between? GLP

    Considering the woman at To My Husband seems to have the same opinion of To-My-Wife-Guy as Jill does, maybe your comment is confusing. And misspells cheesy. Also, this post isn’t harsh at all.

  7. Yeah, it’s a bit cheesy but if that’s his worst quality I’m sure many women wouldn’t mind.

    But if that turns you off, then no, don’t marry that guy.

  8. Sure, some of it’s cheesy. But it also includes entries like:

    I WON’T Come riding on a White Horse, with a waffle maker, “tikets to the that thing you like” and a bouquet of roses. However, I don’t expect you to be waiting at the door when I get home cooking dinner while holding my dry cleaning and crap.

    ON THE STREET It’s icy, grab my hand. If I go down you’re coming with me.

    PLEASE Respect the perimeter of my underwear drawer.

    Given some of the stuff men post on the internet, this guy sounds like a downright catch.

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  10. Awww, Jill, this is cute…so I love cheesy and romantic, sue me ^_^ But I do like To My Husband better.

  12. I guess his comments weren’t as annoying as his lack of adherence to the rules of English grammar. What’s with the commas, buddy?

  13. Eh. I thought he was kinda funny. I also thought the response blog was funny. I kinda want to set them up. . .

  14. The “To My Wife” guy seems like the type of person who would interpret “May your life be interesting” as some sort of curse.

  15. Sheelzebub– I propose we find out their identities, set them up on a blind date, watch as they fall in love and mock each other on their blogs and film it all for our romantic comedy. It’ll be a blockbuster hit!

  17. They are both about as exciting as toe jam, they seem perfect for one another. I’m with Sheelzebub and Ozymandias 🙂

  18. I like Ozy’s idea as well.

    The response blog is good for some giggles. I may pass the link along to my partner, who will probably roar with laughter. We may end up quoting passages to each other at random times for laughs.

  19. Is “boring” a feminist issue? JW, since I’m pretty boring myself and I am a feminist woman. Or is it ok for women to be boring, just not men?

  20. I wonder if it’s not so much about the cheesiness or blandness of the posts as it is about the “this is what women like” attitude? The vibe I get from it is almost an “I’m still going to control our relationship under the guise of treating you like a ‘princess'”. I get bugged by things like “You’d better like pancakes, because I’m making them for your birthday breakfast.” what if I don’t like pancakes?

  21. I would totally make out with that guy once I found out why this is his hobby instead of anything else.

    I will say this: I really like that they’re thinking through what they want out of a marriage and are willing to tell the world (even if through internet identities). This is probably something I should do before I date someone all serious and like. Probably without the internet part though.

  22. Neither of those sites are particularly thrilling. “To My Wife” is sweet, but presumably his wife would like some of the say-so as well… and I’m not fond of the gendered insults and shaming language on “To My Husband.”

  23. Astrid Chelonian: Is “boring” a feminist issue? JW, since I’m pretty boring myself and I am a feminist woman. Or is it ok for women to be boring, just not men?  

    I think boring is okay for either gender, but if you make a blog that showcases how boring you are, you will probably be made fun of. 😉

    I thought the “To My Wife” guy was pretty sweet, but I like boring romance. I like other areas of my life to be interesting, but I’ve had enough “interesting” romances that I don’t mind a bit of cheesiness in that regard. I could see my partner doing something like that guy, if he were the blogging type. We do lots of interesting things but our everyday romance is not exactly the stuff movies are made of, but it keeps us happy so who cares?

  24. The response blog sounds like she’s talking to an actual husband. I liked the original better. He seemed sweet, but cynical enough to balance it out.

  26. Yeah, the response blog has a LOT of gendered insults. Could we not whole-heartedly embrace it just because she’s a lady, making fun of someone who’s kind of a Nice Guy, and sort of acerbic? I mean, it doesn’t mean her politics are A-OK just because she isn’t cheesy (I admit some of the posts are funny… but that doesn’t mean it’s a model for us all).

  27. Sometimes I’m a sucker for cheesy. I think “To My Wife” is kind of cute. Not a guy I’d date myself (mostly because it would make my boyfriend mad), but probably someone I’d set a friend up with. He tips to the side of heteronormatively romantic, but his comments about piggyback rides and farting in bed would indicate that he has a sense of humor about it.

    I think the cheesiness of TMW makes TMH seem that much more cynical (but funny) and kind of harsh. Everyone has their preferences–I think I’ll go with TMW, but YMMV.

  28. IF YOU’RE GOING TO WEAR SWEATS TO THE RESTAURAN I’m telling the hostess who seats us to bring you some crayons and a cartoon placemat.

    I will say this is demeaning, and last time I checket humiliating someone because of a dress is domestic violence. I will not accept this behavior (more commonly used agains women) Just because the target is a man.

  29. IF I HATE SOMETHING OF YOURS
    so much that I’m tempted to “accidentally” let it fall behind the washer & dryer, I promise to first buy you a replacement to ease your separation anxiety.
    ????????????????????????????????????

  30. I don’t know what to add. I am afraid of reading the guy posts. If this woman is the good one, my brain will explode if I read the bad one. I guess the guy demand his wife to be Shakira, as the wife demand his partner to be Paul Rudd. If that is the case I have a proposal: Send them both to the moon. Meaning Hydra.

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