Gaga 3:16 March 1, 2010 Jill Hot damn I love her. Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.
A quibble because I agree heartily with her sentiment– I love me some Lady Gaga, but there is a whiff of the conceit of the young superstar here: “If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” For a woman in a fickle business that worships youth, she is slightly misguided in not realizing that she WILL wake up one morning and her public WILL say that it doesn’t love her anymore. But that happens with or without a man.
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams.” Um, and some women are lesbians, and choose to follow women. Or their career. Or, both. 🙂
From her lips to pre-teen girls ALL OVER THE WORLD! If Lady Gaga continues to be fun and awesome, I promise not to be part of that fickle crowd. I, for one, like her DESPITE her youth, conventional good looks and mass appeal!
I’m kind of with Maribelle on this one. Even if you don’t happen to have a career that involves fame, odds are pretty good that at some point you’ll be laid off. You’ll be put under a manager who’s an idiot. Your job description will be restructured to the point that what motivated you in the first place will be entirely gone. I’m all for teaching young women that they can do much much more than play second fiddle to a guy. But they can also do much more than just define their lives according to their careers.
I’m kind of with Maribelle on this one. Even if you don’t happen to have a career that involves fame, odds are pretty good that at some point you’ll be laid off. You’ll be put under a manager who’s an idiot. Your job description will be restructured to the point that what motivated you in the first place will be entirely gone. But job =/ career. I think her point is that pinning your hopes on another person is not healthy or sustainable. Instead, young women should look for what inspires and motives them, and should follow that. I think that’s why she’s using the words “dream” and “career” interchangeably.
And for some women a guy is their dream (or at least being a wife and housewife is) and for some their dream isn’t their career, that seems to conflate career with dream. And for some, as mentioned above, their career may leave them (modeling, athletics,etc.). Following dreams is great, but dreams shouldn’t be dichotimized. I get that it is a contrasting message to the one commonly tauted, but is still over-simplistic and dichotimizing.
As someone who HAS been laid off, and who IS working a very horrid job now, I still agree with her–and following your dream doesn’t mean having the Blackberry and the big-ass career.
Obviously, if Lady Gaga interprets her career as being a pop icon, it may be that tastes will change, she will age and the public will move on. But then, I’m reminded of Lou Reed’s answer when asked how long he could be a rock musician. I’m paraphrasing here, but he said that being a rock musician was being a musician, and it was possible to be a musician forever. I can’t tell if Lady Gaga is primarily interested in being a cultural phenomenon and provocateur, or if she’s a musician first — certainly, she’s good enough that the latter is plausible, even for those of us who don’t love her music. It may be that she likes but does not need the roar of the crowd, and it may be that she can make music that gives something back to her for decades to come. I didn’t hear any announcement that Bonnie Raitt, for example, was retiring.
I can see what other people in this thread are saying, but I still think this is a wonderful thing for her to have said. Given how much society still tells young women that what they need in life is a man to be with (or even just that having a partner of any sort is the single most important thing you can possibly do), it’s really useful to have someone in the public eye, that girls look up to, saying “do what you want, forget everything else.” In fact, today this was something I needed to hear. I’m going through a breakup and realizing how much I was too involved in the relationship and not enough involved in myself, this makes me remember why I want to focus on myself for a while, and why being in the relationship I was in was bad for me.
Maribelle, I know your assertion that (hers is a) fickle business that worships youth is mostly true. But there are notable exceptions, including one whom it may be said she models her own career after, Madonna. Cyndi Lauper, Joan Jett and others come to mind as well. If your art’s good, you can make it.
I think, to be fair, we all sometimes put our full measure of self-esteem in someone else rather than ourselves, though it’s much more prevalent in women than men, and far more insidious.
It’s entirely possible to walk hand in hand with a partner while being a trailblazer in your career. There are so many endless possibilities of what a person can use to define their own sense of success and a career in a recession alone just doesn’t seem like the best bet.
I don’t know about you, but my career has been far more reliable at giving me positive, encouraging feedback than my boyfriends, and this despite having to change careers and having major setbacks.
Also, if your ambition is to have a family with kids and so on, financial independence is certainly not so horrific.
Better than the standard boys > * message young girls tend to get from society at large, but when I talk to my nieces about this stuff, I try to encourage them not to see it as an either/or choice. They can be strong, independent women who pursue their dreams while simultaneously having loving, mutually supportive relationships. In fact, they should insist on both. Anyone who says it’s one or the other is, in my opinion, teaching them to settle for less than they deserve.
“For a woman in a fickle business that worships youth, she is slightly misguided in not realizing that she WILL wake up one morning and her public WILL say that it doesn’t love her anymore.” And yet Yoko Ono (for one) still seems to be able to go out and kick ass while living her dream.
Defining your self through your career seems just as flawed to me as defining it through a significant other. Gaga is a corporate product though, so I guess it’s not surprising she would equate self actualization with career advancement.
Yoko Ono has a vast fortune produced by her late husband to fall back on, she’s hardly a great example. Having said that, it’s somewhat of a step in the right direction, though there’s still the implication that as a woman you should have to choose. Well men mostly don’t, women shouldn’t have to, and that’s the kind of message I’d like to see public figures like Lady Gaga put out there. That following your dreams and following a fulfilling relationship isn’t a zero sum game.
Actually, while John produced the initial capital through his work with the Beatles, he wasn’t that ridiculously wealthy (thanks to bad business deals and careless spending) until Yoko took over the finances and got hardcore into business, and made him millions that he otherwise would not have had, and which he had nothing to do with the production of. Because John knew absolutely nothing about money and couldn’t even handle cash without getting confused, while Yoko taught herself how to make multi-millions buying and selling cows. So, you know. But it’s really neither here nor there, because Yoko was always going to keep doing whatever the hell she wanted regardless of whether or not she had even met John and regardless of exactly how much money she had at her disposal. (It’s true that Yoko’s family was filthy rich, but they had also disowned her for many years because they disapproved of her work.) Much love to preying mantis and ebbflow, though! It’s a rare (and very happy!) day where I’m not the first to step in with the Yoko reference, and especially where I’m not to step in in her defense.
Yoko Ono has a vast fortune produced by her late husband to fall back on, she’s hardly a great example. Could this still be judging a woman by her connections to a man? Does the fact that she does have this fortune invalidate the fact that she’s pursuing her art/music on her own terms? Must women be completely isolated from men to be worthwhile? I do appreciate your (and others’) comment that women shouldn’t be forced to choose between meaningful relationships and a meaningful career. On a different note… THERE’S A glittery silver LOBSTER ON HER HEAD!
Why are people thinking she’s making it an either/or choice? She’s saying don’t give up your dreams for a guy, don’t give up your self for a guy, she’s saying follow your own dream. She’s not saying don’t have a relationship. More like… don’t make your relationship with a man the way you define yourself. What’s with all the “well, I have a career AND a relationship, so there, Lady Gaga” stuff in the comments? I mean, congratulations and everything, but it seems like a lot of people are responding to a straw-Gaga.
I must be reading something differently from her comment than most of the people here. I’m not seeing that she’s saying to choose career over a love life, but that you shouldn’t HAVE to make that choice, that any person who would make you choose isn’t worth having. I’m active in several writing communities. It’s shocking how many people whose partner gives them the ultimatum: writing or me, pick one. I constantly read posts about partners that belittle their dreams and tell them they won’t succeed, that they shouldn’t even try. It’s horribly sad, because IMO a real partner that cared wouldn’t be trying to hold the person they love back. And really, I think that’s what Lady Gaga is trying to say… don’t give up your dreams for another person. Usually, it’s not worth it.
In the article, she says that she once had a boyfriend who told her she’d never succeed and wanted her to fail. I think that bolsters the interpretation that she means if someone expects you you to choose between your goals and them, then choose your goals.
Ahem, didn’t Rachel Maddow wear a hat exactly like that the other night. It was made of aluminum foil, sans the antlers. Now there’s a woman forging a dream/career and fully engaged with a life partner.
I think I am reading “career” here in a broader sense, ie., your dream–whatever it is, and however it transforms over the course of your life. That’s why even Lady Gaga’s “career” will NOT wake up and leave her, because she gets to decide what that is, what she wants to do, at every turn. And in that sense, I read this statement more as–do what you want to do, don’t worry about pleasing others, men or women.
Good message overall, I think. But as to Gaga, she has a pretty mixed track record in my book. A certain ‘sexy dead girls’ video of hers comes to mind as particularly squik.
I’m struck by the defensiveness of some people here. Nonny, Eugenia, and Umami, I’m seconding your comments.
DaveP- “Defining your self through your career seems just as flawed to me as defining it through a significant other.” I’m not actually sure that’s true. My career is certainly something that I define myself through. Not my job, but my career. I’m a chemist. It’s how I see the world. I spend most of my day in the pursuit of scientific knowledge. It informs almost everything I do. Why wouldn’t it be an integral part of my identity? Nonny- That’s terrible! I feel so lucky that I’ve never experienced that in my relationships.
@Shoshie I’m gonna be a chemist too!! My boyfriend can decide any minute now that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But science will always be there for me. When I wake up in the morning there’s always some more quantum mechanics problems to solve.
Maribelle for the win! High achievement in any career involves risk, and working hard isn’t enough. Being smart isn’t enough. Love involves much less luck than work does (although it also involves more work than work does). Successful lawyers who haven’t compromised their careers for their families and friends are the most miserable people on earth. Achievement in this life is born out of human connections.
I love Lady GaGa so. effing. hard. From her lips to pre-teen girls ALL OVER THE WORLD! Amen to that! And now I want a shirt that says “Gaga: 3:16.”
@Dawn I want that shirt, too! Does anyone else think that she’s dressed like the Miike Snow album cover? http://feedbackloop.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/miike-snow.jpg
This If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore. does sort of make it sound like it’s an either/or choice. It reads kind of like “only silly girls believe in successful relationships” which is not so positive. It’s also not true. If she does mean follow your dreams at all costs, I agree with her 100%.
Seemed a reasonable quote to me. I’d never sacrifice career for a guy, and any guy that expects that isn’t worth the time I’d already have spent on him. Lots of marriages end in divorce. I wonder how many careers are as unsuccessful?
“This If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore. does sort of make it sound like it’s an either/or choice.” Generally healthy relationships don’t wind up presenting a fork in the road, though. If someone loves you and is supportive, you’re unlikely to have to pick either your dreams or that person. So you’re less likely to be “wondering which way to go” unless someone is pressuring you into a choice that’s kind of a sucker’s game.
I totally agree with you preying mantis. I read her statement differently at first and I think that’s where some of the criticism came from.
I think we need to differentiate between Lady Gaga’s job and her career. Right now Lady Gaga’s JOB is to be a sparkly, sexual, pop star. Her CAREER is music. Even if she loses popularity somewhere along the line, she will always because able to make music and perform, no matter how small the crowd. Hell, I make music and perform, and I ain’t no Lady Gaga. I make mere pocket change off of it, but I’ll always be able to do it.
While I agree with the sentiment in general that life isn’t all about love (not that this is even what she meant by this quote), I don’t particularly think her attention-seeking dress up games are all that much to look up to. Her music also contradicts this quote, but she’s probably not the one writing the lyrics. I bet more people know about the lyrics, “I’ll follow you around until you love me, paparazzi.”
@Val So you’re saying she shouldn’t be who she wants and dress as crazy as she would like? I wouldn’t consider that one song as a representative of her music. Sometimes songwriters write about characters. I have her CDs, and the other songs don’t really have the same sentiment. And I dunno what you think she meant by the quote, but I think she’s saying that if a dude makes you choose between him and your career, you should probably pick your career because he’s a douchenozzle anyway.
It’s kind of a fascinating quote, and I think it kind of sums up Gaga to a tee. Granted, she’s very young, but listening to her speak, I get the distinct feeling that she is much more “in love” with her fans than she ever has been with a romantic partner. I feel this is a perfect Gaga quote because she does seem to equate dreams with career with romantic love, and she’s done all that without having one romantic partner. @Val — Interesting song to pick as an example for this article. The song’s about whether or not you can seek both fame and love, and in Gaga’s words, “watching the ersatzes make fools of themselves”.
I like Lady Gaga and she’s a good influence on teen girls. That said. I’ve never felt heart-flutteringly happy about anything related to work/career/education the way I have about love. I just ain’t that competitive. That’s a fault in me, I suppose. I do have professional successes; I just have no love for scorekeeping. I’m not at the top, I’m a bit too lazy to be at the top, and the only times I’ve enjoyed my work were when for a moment I could forget about competition and just explore. Love, on the other hand, I’m very very good at. I’m a natural aesthete. I produce pages and pages of poetry.
I think Gaga’s quote is important because we still live in a society where it is accepted that a woman will compromise what she wants to follow a man in HIS success. It is much less common to see these roles reversed. That said, I truly believe that if you care for someone and are secure in yourself, you will want them to find happiness and success, whatever that means to them. In my experience, those who don’t encourage you to follow your dreams are typically insecure and afraid of losing you to your success.
