In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

… yeah.

Chally

‘Everything that can be invented has been invented.’ Perhaps you have heard this quote before, attributed to a Charles Duell, commissioner of the US patents office in 1899. This is a funny story, but it is not actually a true one. Still, sometimes I like to have fun thinking of all the things that had not yet been invented in 1899. You know, useful things. Amazing things. Inventions that have had a great deal of impact and importance in our lives.

Like… inflatable toast! You can buy 6 inch tall vinyl toast that you can blow up and carry around with you in case, um, you’re not actually hungry but you feel like having some toast on hand. It’s comforting!
A piece of the toast angled so that one corner is pointing at us. To the right, a piece of the toast in a plastic packet with its label above it. The label is a greyish toaster on a black background with toast popping out and the words 'INFLATABLE TOAST' on the front.
No, I don’t really understand, either. I don’t think there is anything to understand.

Hey! I am surely not the only one to have had the urge to smash her alarm clock into tiny little pieces and consider throwing it out the window and then climbing out after it and jumping on it until it is so much dust WHY WON’T YOU STOP THAT ANNOYING SELF-SATISFIED BEEP, ALARM CLOCK? Well, perhaps a clever novelty alarm clock would be the solution to that or, indeed, perhaps the source of the problem. Either way, allow me to present you with the Flying Alarm Clock.
A black dome with a digital clockface and a propeller shooting out the top.
According to the website, it ‘launches a flying propellor when the alarm time is reached’. You have to retrieve the propellor from wherever it has flown to and put it back on the clock base in order to stop the alarm going off. It sounds pretty great, but, were I to possess it, I might well crush it in my sleepy rage within a week.

Have you ever wanted a solar-powered bra? I sure hav- I mean, no, I didn’t think you did, of course not, who’d want that and what exactly would you be powering anyway? I’m glad you asked, gentle reader.
The green underclothing as decribed!
A solar panel attached to the Solar Brasserie powers a small electrical bulletin board which, ahem, I’m sure you could find some uses for. Apparently you can store liquids in the padding and there’s a means of inserting a straw, in case that is a thing you are inclined to do. Also, the cloth they use is organic, just so we all know.

Thus this post is concluded.

Posted in Fun

17 thoughts on … yeah.

  1. Now why couldn’t I have been the one to write the patent application for the solar message board/liquid toting bra?

  4. The flying alarm clock has one of the loudest and most annoying beeps I have ever heard. My friend has one and demonstrated it to us recently. If I accidently set it for when I didn’t need to get up (which happens fairly often) it would go out the window very quickly.

  7. @ Personal Failure
    I have thought this, actually!

    My nipples get unreasonably cold long before the rest of my body, which is rather painful.

    Coffee would solve all my problems! But then, it’s coffee, so it solves problems by default (what? “I like caffeine but don’t have enough in my system right now!” is totally problematic.).

  11. I always wanted a Nerf alarm clock so I could beat the living hell out of it.

    And I’m just glad the bra thing comes in such a pleasent green color. Black would be way too understated.

  13. Ruthie G: I think that’s why the alarm clock can fly: it’s in self-preservation. (I think the whole propeller-comes-off is just a subterfuge.)

    I saw an alarm clock I wanted to buy by the gross for family and friends: it was round, like a baseball, and you turned it off by throwing it! Now THERE was an inventor who understood the intended market.

    I always wanted to be able to store those extra Diet Cokes in such a manner that it looked as if I was nursing ON MYSELF. Because, really, who wouldn’t find that appealling?

  14. OMG. Sorry for the post/post, but I just realized what the Solar Bra is for: it’s so you can store and warm formula in your bra and surreptitiously feed your baby through the straw without being discovered and outed as a formula-feeder!

    …. It’s not?

  15. Isn’t the purpose of that toast to provide cushioning when you need to put your head on the desk for a quick nap?

  16. Given that I am the type of person who will turn off my alarm clock and then automatically go back to sleep, th flying alarm clock sounds like a great idea.
    Y’know, if I didn’t have so many breakables in my room. Or I didn’t think it’d get lost behind the bookcase.

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