Can Americans Care For Their Families Without Losing Their Jobs?

15 thoughts on Can Americans Care For Their Families Without Losing Their Jobs?

1. That sounds pretty cool. As a European, I find American work conditions mind-boggling even for the relatively privileged white middle-class people I know in the US.
   I can only begin to imagine the pressures that (for example) a single working-class mom must be facing.

2. As I write this on a Sunday night (having been here all day, and having spent literally the last 14 days and 20 of the last 21 days doing so) I know: I am not alone.

   Pretty much everyone I know is either stressed about finances (if they don’t have work) or stressed about family time and overload and such (if they do have work.)

   Frankly, in this economy the concept of work/life balance goes by the wayside: If one actually HAS a paying job, and a client/boss who can keep the paycheck from bouncing.. then, dammit, one works. And one doesn’t complain.

   Bad economies make most discussions about the pros and cons of overworking a bit embarrassing. Who wants to be the one complaining that he’s overworked, knowing all the people struggling for unemployment? Who wants to complain that she never sees her family because she works so much, when plenty of her friends are forced to take any job they can, even with a brutal commute?

   Believe me when I say this; I agree with the premise here. The work/life balance in the US sucks ass. But it is a tricky time to be focusing on that, I think, economy-wise.

3. Sometimes you can get what you need. It helps to have a plan, thought out in advance, and all objections covered in advance before you broach family accommodation with your employer. This has always worked for me (I was a single parent and my kids are grown now…now I’m dealing with parent issues). You can ask for the moon as long as you have a plan; you might not get it, but you might get some of what you need.

4. Believe me when I say this; I agree with the premise here. The work/life balance in the US sucks ass. But it is a tricky time to be focusing on that, I think, economy-wise.

   I agree with what you’re saying about the embarrassment, but I’m not sure that’s how it has to be framed. Have you seen all those articles about how Americans get less sleep than, well, they need? We’re working beyond capacity, have been for a long time, and somehow we aren’t seeing the benefit. It’s like healthcare: we’re spending an unaffordable amount of money, have been for a long time, and still we aren’t seeing the benefit. Something is wrong somewhere: we need to solve that problem so that everyone can have a feasible life.

5. I mean, you can think of it as one woman whining about having no meat while her neighbor prays for a crust, but…why is this our new conceptual metaphor for work? Why are we conflating work with income, let alone with wealth?

6. I could have wrote the first paragraph of this blog post. That is my reality, and it hit home. And I happen to work for a company that boasts of having family/work balance, and likely hits the mark better than most companies.

   I have a kid right now complaining of a loss of hearing in his right ear. I know it is probably swimmers ear, so we are using an OTC drug on it, but I also know that it is not clearing up as quickly as it should and he should go to the doctor. The kid has health insurance, so cost is not the issue here. In my head, I have this elaborate calculation going of the time I have already taken off these past few months for illnesses, for both me and the kids, and doctor’s appts, and what not, and seeing if I will tip the scale by adding one more day. I have more than enough accrued PTO, but whether or not it earns me a raised eyebrow is the question.

   I am the breadwinner in this family, and I need this job. And there are probably 100 people that would take it and not have kids with ear issues or IEPs or whatever, or have someone else in their family who can take the lead on those issues.

   One thing I realized that seemed to improve my image with my company was that you can’t tell them what you are taking time off for. If I have to, say, take a day off because I need to take my son to his biannual appointment with the developmental pediatrician (takes a day in travel and parking and such), or if I have an IEP meeting (this happens several times a year) then I just say that I need a personal day. If I mention that this is for a family thing, it seems to come off as a liability. It is not quantifiable, just a feeling I guess. But if I just leave out the details (never lying, just giving the minimum information), they can imagine I am at the spa all day and this seems to be less of an issue for them.

   Very stressful.

7. For the last almost four decades, productivity has risen while real wages have largely stagnated, and the US wealth structure has stratified upwards heavily. Ordinary Americans who couldn’t make ends meet maintained their lifestyles by credit card borrowing, borrowing from retirement accounts, borrowing against houses. When those all maxed out, we hit a huge, deep recession. I think this is a massive reset, where the economy has to shrink to that which can be sustained on what Americans really make. And as the American place in the world slips from its artificial post WWII pinnacle, our outsized access to resources will ensure that our relative position will slide for decades to come.

   There’s no good solution. Just when the American people are starting to get more populist, big business’s share of political power is at its maximum, with its tentacles deeply into both parties and the federal judiciary. Anything getting better is a matter of generational change. I hate to say that, but I think it’s true.

8. @Piny Well, isn’t income the reason why we work? It is for me. I am certainly not able to work just because I want to work. Are you? If you are, congratulations.

   @ Jodie Having a plan in this economy may not be as easy at it sounds. I think employers are less decent human beings now than they were back in the day when my Dear Mother and Dear Father were employed. I think the workplace environment and demeanor of supervisors are desensitized to the needs of human beings, and it really doesn’t matter whether or not one works in corporate, public or non-profit sectors.

9. I think what Piny’s saying is that it’s OK to put some focus on work-life balance and good working conditions, instead of just being slavishly grateful for having a job, any job at all.

10. Frankly, in this economy the concept of work/life balance goes by the wayside: If one actually HAS a paying job, and a client/boss who can keep the paycheck from bouncing.. then, dammit, one works. And one doesn’t complain.

    Bad economies make most discussions about the pros and cons of overworking a bit embarrassing. Who wants to be the one complaining that he’s overworked, knowing all the people struggling for unemployment? Who wants to complain that she never sees her family because she works so much, when plenty of her friends are forced to take any job they can, even with a brutal commute?

    Oh, I agree with you in principle – I’m one of very few people in the office with kids, and none of the other parents are women, nor are their children as young as mine. So the last thing I want to do is stick out. But, doing my best ‘grumpy old man’ here, that’s how they getcha. Employers will cite the economy and the tight job market as a way to keep you quiet. So while we’re afraid to speak up because there are ten people right behind who’d snap up my job in a heartbeat, we quietly lose benefits and work/life balance fades…

11. I also agree that the employers play a part in the “getcha” game. But they’re not necessarily lying to you. There really ARE a lot of people lining up in the hopes of getting your job.

    Also, I think it is really crucial not to lump “employers” into a single ball. Smaller businesses are really different from multinational corporations.

    I know (and represent) a lot of individuals who are in trouble, or close to it. I also know (and represent) a lot of businesses, of varying sizes. I’ve also been an employer myself. Frankly, there’s no easy answer. The rapid spread of globalization has made competition anything but local, and a lot of businesses are also really struggling as well.

12. Truly a struggle. The hardest part is trying to make the individual sell. You have to use the outpouring of statistics showing the increased productivity and retention rate by providing flexible work options. Toss me an email if you need ideas…we have quite a corporate package as we work with corporations to provide a resource for their employees who would benefit from flexible work options.

13. @Piny Well, isn’t income the reason why we work? It is for me. I am certainly not able to work just because I want to work. Are you? If you are, congratulations.

    I just love the smell of toner.

    Unemployment in our country is getting up towards one in five. I understand that I may have been unclear, but that’s not the kind of assumption you want to provoke some stranger on the internet with.

    This is what I was saying–not quite what Sheelzebub thought, either:

    Work is what is taken out of you, taken away from you. It is your time and effort and heartache. It is the hours you have to spend doing for your employer, away from your home and family and whatever else.

    Income is what you get back in exchange for your work.

    Income is not the same as work. The two seem to bear less and less relationship to each other with every passing year–even in the same profession. Even in the same job.

    We as a society have been conditioned to see work as the same as income: to think of ourselves as enriched by work, which is not the same as income. To feel lucky that we have work. To feel valued because we have more work. To feel successful because we have harder work. Most of us noticed long before this latest deterioration that we were feeling a little less safe, a little poorer. What was the solution? More work! We didn’t have enough work. We needed to increase productivity, to retrain: to work harder, work better.

    And now we’ve gone so far into this twisted idea of compensation that it’s considered bad form to complain about having too much work and too little income because other people have no work and no income.

    When your employer gives you your former coworker’s work and keeps her income, something tangible has been taken from both of you. Both of you are poorer. Both of you are being asked to strain an overburdened household much further.

14. The hardest part is trying to make the individual sell.

    “Individual sell” is part of the problem. This is a structural, collective problem. I have yet to meet a person for whom this is (or has never been) a problem. Not one.

    And frankly (this being a feminist website)….how does a woman in a male-dominated field make an “individual sell” to male employers who have stay-at-home wives? This is not a problem in their world. Work/family balance? That’s what you have a wife for. I work in an industry that is one percent female. I was the first woman to get pregnant in my Local. You know, some hurdles I’ve crossed. But others….it’s going to take a hell of a lot more of us crossing them. Two words: critical mass.

    Look. I’ve managed to cross the barrier that says, “women don’t belong here.” Or “women can’t do this work.” But there are other, more subtle barriers. Now, it’s not necessarily “women can’t do this work.” Now, it’s, “sure, women can do this work—very unusual, very rare, out-of-the-ordinary women.” And you know what that looks like at ground level? It means that the less your life resembles a typical male life, the more you aren’t the “rare” woman…..the more that hurdle starts being raised.

    “Individual sell.” Sweet bedda matri. If it was that simple, just a matter of finding the right words and right statistics, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. For Christ’s sake. I’ve worked for employers who damn well knew what the cost of their sexism was. They didn’t care. They paid (and pay) for their sexism the same way they pay for membership in their exclusive country clubs. They consider it a cost of doing business.

    They would rather lose good employees than see their world change. Even if it costs them money. It’s about control. It’s about power, and who they are willing to share it with.

15. So glad to hear that there will also be a focus on work/family balance for men. If parental leave and caregiving time for families is something that only women take then women will, still, be primarily responsible for these things, and will shoulder both the increased workload and decreased income that comes along with that.

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