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Hey baby

Equal Writes

by Jordan Kisner

I’ve been living in New York City for two months now, and I think I’m about to break down and join a gym. Not because I want to lose weight (though the availability and affordability of New York pizza hasn’t done me any favors there) but because I need an outlet for blowing off some steam: several times a week, I arrive home from my daily commute (2 different subways and several city blocks) ready to scream.

When I moved here I was not prepared for the catcalling.

Men of all shapes and sizes, men of all ages, races and avocations are getting their daily jollies catcalling at any and every woman they see walking down the street. “Hey baby,” “How you doing, sweet thing,” “Can I get your number,” are well worn pages in the book of street-side pervert tricks, and I personally dealt with three or four of these stunners this afternoon. Truthfully, I find these a welcome alternative to the experience of a man boldly undressing you with his eyes as you walk down the street, his tongue out and his head bobbing. This has happened to me four times so far this week. This evening, two men on the subway today got in a loud argument about my ass.

Never has my body felt less my own. Never have I felt more physically powerless.

I’m not alone here. A friend recently rounded on a man in the street who made a rude gesture at her and asked for her number, yelling “Has any woman ever given you her number? If so, I want HER number.” My roommate was followed and harassed by a man for several blocks. I myself have taken to fantasizing about punching these men in the face. The rage that these encounters inspire is so much a reaction to feeling helpless, a futile attempt to mitigate the feeling that your body has been turned into a commodity of the lewdest kind without your consent.

Not surprisingly, none of the men who engage in this kind of behavior lead lives of much power or importance themselves. They are the kind of men who sit on the street corner in the middle of the day, or deliver freight, or sweep steps. (Note: I am NOT making an argument that men of only a certain income or class harass and demean women. We all know this is not true. I am pointing only to the pattern I’ve seen in men who catcall on the streets or subways of New York City.) These men, who have little substantive influence and –apparently—lots of time on their hands, can seize a modicum of power by exercising verbal and sexual dominance over any woman unlucky enough to walk in their sights. Conversely, the most empowered, successful, influential women in New York suffer the risk of being reduced to a sexual fantasy on every street corner.

The women of New York City, like the women of Cairo, are ready for a change.

54 thoughts on Hey baby

  4. I’ve been in NY for eight years. You don’t get used to it, you just learn how to tolerate it.

    But when I first moved here, the street harassment was the biggest culture shock. I had never experienced anything like it, and it was awful. One nice thing about getting “older” is that it slows down. Or maybe I’ve just perfected my bitch-face.

  5. It’s really true…I thought every big city was the same, but I don’t get it NEARLY as much now that I’m living in Chicago. Whenever I come back, I remember how bad it is. I’ve also found that guys are less likely to cower in New York when you give them the finger–“well then fuck you cuntbag!” is the more common response. Not cute.

    But yes, HollaBackNYC is awesome, especially now that camera phones are getting to be pretty good quality.

  6. I suppose I should be grateful that I’m a woman living in NYC and I don’t get catcalls. Mostly it just makes me feel fat and ugly.

  7. I agree about Chicago — I’ve been surprised at how mild the street harassment is here. Even in “shady” neighborhoods, and even after dark, I’m rarely bothered. I wonder what accounts for the huge difference?

    The New York situation sounds awful. Fuck those guys. Sorry, ladies of NYC, and know that we’re with you.

  8. thanks for posting this. on occasion i would try to describe my experiences of new york street harassment to friends who couldn’t really understand the awful impact of the event- how dehumanizing it is. i’ve never experienced anything quite like it anywhere else in the states (although italy is another story…). i agree with Jill- i never got used to it, but i learned how to minimize my reaction. regardless, i’ve always wished i had more recourse. i love hollaback, but want the harassers to have more direct and consistent repercussions for their actions so they’d be less likely to harass in the future. hey… a girl can dream. (sigh…)

  9. I suppose I should be grateful that I’m a woman living in NYC and I don’t get catcalls. Mostly it just makes me feel fat and ugly.

    It probably just means that you don’t look easily intimidated. Cat-calling is really about power, not attractiveness. I’ve noticed that when I go out feeling very confident and I’m moving in a way that exudes that, I get cat-called less. When I’m having an off day, I get it more. I’ve also watched men cat-call other women on the street, and it has very, very little to do with who is conventionally attractive or not.

    And @Ellen re: shady neighborhoods — another observation I’ve made is that I get cat-called far less in “shady” neighborhoods or deserted areas than I do in, say, midtown at rush hour. Again I think it has to do with the power thing — men want to take you down a peg, but I don’t think most of them actually want you to feel endangered. They just want to have control over the situation. When women are walking home at night through desolate areas, the control aspect is already tilted pretty far in the man’s favor.

  10. And yet people from big cities inevitably stare at me like they’ve been poleaxed when I tell them I live in Oklahoma because it’s a) cheap and b) FRIENDLY. And not in the “Hey baby! Come share my magical penis!” way.

    We have our share of sexists. Of course we do. I’m not saying I’ve never been randomly harassed while going about my business, but I will say that in 32 years it’s happened to me definitely over a dozen but probably less than two dozen times — and often it comes from skinny teenage boys who just aren’t all that threatening. It’s not something that happens every day. I am glad that is not something I have to deal with, and sorry that anyone else has to deal with it.

  11. I live in the South, and I’ve never seen this happen. Of course, I’ve seen men stare at women, and ride their car up on a curb, and say things to one another if a woman walks by, but never have I seen anyone call out or whistle or anything of the sort.

    Honestly, I think it makes you look like a hard-dick idiot.

  12. Two words ladies: Liquid Bullet. Punishes lowlifes for rude behavior and makes you feel better in one easy installment.

  14. Henry dear, we women never pay any attention to any man who addresses us as “Ladies”.

    Is there any term for women that does not piss off at least some of them? Girls? Women? Females?

  15. I suppose I should be grateful that I’m a woman living in NYC and I don’t get catcalls. Mostly it just makes me feel fat and ugly.

    This is an interesting indicator of the cultural acceptance of catcalling. In latin cultures, this behavior is fairly widespread and accepted. It is also nonthreatening (in that cultural context) and men often give grandiose compliments to women strangers. Someone I knew moved from a South American country to Florida and was very disturbed when she stopped receiving this attention and was forever checking herself to see if something was off about her appearance. She much preferred the attention she received just by being there. On the other side, of course, someone from Alabama traveling to Rio might be completely disturbed by the attention she receives.

  16. It’s interesting you should say that, Leftie, because I was just thinking about my own experiences with catcalling in Kiev vs Amman. In Amman, people mostly offered me money to have sex with them and such, very crudely, or else it was even worse. In Kiev or, for that matter, Moscow, it’s usually “can I get to know you?” which isn’t nearly as threatening and usually considered a compliment (not always, though, depends on the situation).

    So depending on geographic location and the individual, I can take it in stride, or at least not feel like someone is trying to very much humiliate me.

    I do wonder why NYC is particularly bad about this kind of stuff. I’ve never even lived there, but notice it whenever I pass through.

  17. I don’t understand why men don’t understand that this is a problem. They start spouting “thought crime” when women speak up about street harassment. Perhaps if it stopped at thoughts it wouldn’t be a problem. But that our culture teaches men that all women are for the visual consumption of men, that it’s perfectly alright to fantasize about any woman that you see, and that it’s women who have a problem with this. It’s hard to articulate without sounding crazy- but I don’t want to be in someone’s head. I don’t want someone to be casting me in whatever pornography film plot they’ve got in their heads. And when I as a woman say this out loud, people argue that it is not my place to want these things- that we can’t control what is in other people’s heads (which as we know, leaks out of their mouths, and colors their interactions with all women, but the only way to stop these behaviors is to stop the thoughts that motivate them, which is apparently infringing on the freedoms of these men, so I guess we can’t do anything).

  19. “I myself have taken to fantasizing about punching these men in the face. The rage that these encounters inspire is so much a reaction to feeling helpless, a futile attempt to mitigate the feeling that your body has been turned into a commodity of the lewdest kind without your consent.”

    Thank you so much for this post! I have tried to explain how angry and degraded I feel after being stared at, yelled at, or followed by men on the street. It feels wonderful to know that you all understand!

  20. It would be my guess that men who DO have power don’t resort to catcalling as their method of harassing women.

    That hasn’t been my experience. They may catcall or yell vile crap from their BMW’s as they drive by is the difference.

    Two words ladies: Liquid Bullet. Punishes lowlifes for rude behavior and makes you feel better in one easy installment.

    Or, you know, results in the harasser chasing you down and assaulting you. Or you getting grief from the cops. Honestly, I love the tips from the peanut gallery. Just do X! I’ve got news for you–doing X, Y, or Z doesn’t always work, and sometimes has nasty blowback for you if you do it. (Here’s an example: in Japan, there’s a really big problem with gropers on the train. The folks who say that you should just smack the guy, or complain to cop or transit official, or chew him out, haven’t actually seen what often happens–the women are assaulted by the groper, and/or blamed and pilloried by those in authority. So seriously, STFU.)

    Is there any term for women that does not piss off at least some of them? Girls? Women? Females?

    Is there ever a forum about women’s issues where hyper-defensive men don’t freak out and squeal because a woman said she didn’t like something?

  21. I got the worst harassing behavior in Chicago. Like, really scary harassing behavior, including a carful of men following me slowing down an empty street just after dark yelling extremely crude things. Nothing I’ve experienced in New York has been quite that intense, though it is more pervasive here.

    Lately, giving harassers the finger has been my favorite response. It works best if I do it very unemotionally – not even making eye contact. They do tend to start shouting obscenities at me, but personally, I find that satisfying. Anything to mess up the payoff they’re getting from that little power trip…

  22. Sheelzebub, I can’t speak for anyone dealing with gropers in Japan; I haven’t been there. I did have to deal with one on a packed subway in New York; everyone was packed in like herrings, and you couldn’t see anything.

    I didn’t say anything, either. I just reached down, grabbed the finger, and bent it until I felt it break.

  23. I’m a little reluctant to offer this as a coping mechanism, but maybe it will help some people (or even one person) to get through the daily gauntlet.

    As an experiment, I went through my daily routine, and got NO HARRASSMENT AT ALL. The only difference in my appearance: a grey wig. It was even a really sharp grey wig, attractively styled. It was like putting on a Cloak of Invisibility: my clothes were the same, my makeup was the same, but men did not see me. At least on me, grey hair was the signal that This Is Not A Sexual Being. I actually don’t believe the thought was articulated that clearly by the people I passed, but the resultant behaviour, or lack of it, made it clear to me that I wasn’t hitting on the radar: men just didn’t see me.

    I don’t wear a grey wig on a regular basis; and I don’t think it’s right that women should have to do anything in order to avoid being harrassed for merely appearing in public and being female. I certainly don’t approve of the unspoken but eloquently demonstrated dismissal of women who appear to be middle-aged or older. I’m just saying: This was my experiment, and this was the result; perhaps other women would like to try the same experiment for themselves to see what results they might get.

    I don’t know if wearing a grey wig is any more of a compromise than wearing headphones even when not listening to music, or pretending to be on the phone, or wearing a headscarf in the hope of warding off unwanted attention. I DO know most of us have had enough of the unwanted attention, and this might be a way for some of us to deflect some of that attention.

    (N.B.: The wig, as I recall, was on sale, and was about $12.00, which also made it an affordable experiment – the only kind I’m in a position to make!)

  24. Thanks for writing this. I’ve been very frustrated lately. I’m now harassed daily in Somerville and Cambridge, just outside Boston proper. Something has changed in the last month, as this has never been a problem for me before. I’ve been under enormous stress, and that’s made me think that I’m putting off a victim aura that puts me in the sightlines of these skeezballs. I came up with this to say to the homeless guy who asked, “Why are you so sexy?” : “Please don’t talk to me like I’m a thing instead of a person.”. The guy who shouted at me that I should try smiling more, well, I gave him the finger. The guy who stared at my ass at a bus stop and then told me he liked my boots? A glare.

    I’m close to punching them too, and I go to the gym several times a week. Julia Child recounts that the advice for women in Paris after the war was to knee the guy in the balls and shout YOU ARE EXCUSED, SIR! I kinda like that one.

  25. Hey ladies!

    Thanks for the shout outs on HollabackNYC. If you haven’t holla’backed yet, please join us. Hollaback turns the lens back onto the harassers and – speaking from personal experience – is totally empowering. It also helps other women know they are not alone. You’d be shoked at the number of emails we get from women thinking that they are the only ones – and it must be their fault.

    We’re in the process of fundraising to launch Hollaback 2.0, so stay tuned.

    xoxo

  26. The other day I was catcalled by preschoolers — there’s a daycare facility near my neighborhood grocery store; their play yard comes right up to the sidewalk, and three little boys were sitting right behind the chainlink fence calling out “hey, baby” to any woman walking by or waiting for a bus. They got a response from a couple of others walking by, so obviously some people found it adorable. I found it disturbing. (This is in a fairly progressive Midwestern college town, by the by.)

  27. This drives me crazy. I posted about it awhile back on my own blog. I can’t even across my back yard without getting harrassed. When I’m with my male partner, it obviously never happens. Which is even more infuriating, because then my boyfriend doesn’t witness this shit happening every freaking time I leave the house alone and realize the magnitude of the problem (he believes me and thinks it’s disgusting, but does every boyfriend of a female?). And it also implies that, while they don’t respect me enough to leave me the hell alone, they respect him enough not to bother his property. You know, me.

  28. Ugh. I live in NYC too, see this happen to women and it really bothers me. Open question: If a woman is being harassed by some lowlife, is another guy intervening and saying to leave her alone welcome intervention or just a bigger headache? I honestly never know what to do when I witness it.

  29. Lance– good question. For my two cents, I’d be fine with someone else intervening and telling the guy to bugger off, so long as there was no quid pro quo to it. Like, don’t try to talk to her after unless she wants to talk to you.

    Anyone else?

  30. Lance, the support of other men on the street would be awesome, IMO. Yelling “shut up and leave her alone, assholes!” would be just fine. Or flipping them off. Whatever you can do that isn’t unsafe. Public shaming from outside parties is an excellent way to fight harassment because it carries more weight.

  31. That is a good question, Lance. I would personally be uncomfortable if another guy stepped in — it feels a little Knight in Shining Armour. I think I would appreciate it, though, if other men would glare at harassing men, to let them know that their behavior isn’t acceptable, instead of ignoring it, going along with it or laughing. Treat it the same way you would treat someone who was taking up two subway seats when an elderly person with a cane was standing — give dirty looks, etc, to make it clear that it’s not acceptable behavior.

  32. Lance, I’ll repeat what someone else said at another blog in response to a similare question:

    speaking only for myself, anyone who publicly says that I do not deserve to be treated like this is someone I consider an ally. Of course, there’s a difference between, “Hey, asshole, act like an adult,” and “Don’t you know how dark and scary it is out here for poor defenseless women!” but in general, if you’re willing to stand up for me, I take that as a sign of respect, not of paternalism.

  34. “grandiose compliments to women strangers”-but this is the thing. it’s not a compliment if the “complimenter” gets upset if she doesn’t respond positively. Which wasn’t my experience in Spain, for example. Yes, there were grandiose compliments, but if I just kept walking, there was no “stuck up bitch-you’re not too good for me”. Maybe that was a function of how long I was there-I didn’t live in spain, just visited. but that’s a key difference

  35. It happens all the time in NYC, especially in the outer boroughs for whatever reason. When I’m walking home from the subway. I’ve dealt with for most of my life living in nyc but I always get that insane rage to punch them in the face. I have as far slapped one of them, and gotten into raging profanity fight. I feel better after it, but I know its the reaction they want. I’m going to have to check out that hollaback website.

  36. I have never been cat called.

    I was once groped while walking alone through harvard sq. at night a few winters back in heels and a suit. Yeah I dont think dude was expecting me to hip check him so hard he fell over and them for me to throw his bike at him. I walked right up to him and said “If you made me miss the last bus I am coming back and finishing this. fucker.”

    In NYC some kid called me a fat ass. I just said “I know, juicy aint it. Now fuck off, before I call you mom.”

    Those are the only 2 times I have ever been harrassed … I have had guys approach me and chat me up. But never did they get pissed off.

    I asked guy friends about this, becasue I had no idea why I was never bothered on the train at 1 am, even if I was coming back from some where in slightly revealing clothing, or obviously sad, or lost or happy or even drunk. They all universally said

    You walk like you OWN the world. You walk like you own yourself. You walk with power and grace, no one is gonna fuck with you.

    Maybe you peeps should instead of bitching about catcalls, learn to walk with some power. You can never feel powerless without giving someone the permission to make you feel that way.

  37. Wait. So if we get cat-called, it’s our fault for not walking with enough power? Are you for real?

    Was it your fault you got groped? Was it your fault that some kid called you a fat-ass?

  41. Holy shit B-Rex – victim blaming much? Maybe you should tell those women who get raped that they just weren’t “owning it”

    I don’t enjoy cat calls… it isn’t about what’s even being said – its that men have the space to single a woman out and make a comment about her body. Could you imagine a group of women, eating their lunch on a park bench while screaming at male passers-by “nice legs, honey!”

    It is a big deal, B-Rex. The fact that cat calling continues to exist (regardless of what your ’empowered’ reaction is to said cat call) is the issue.

  42. Groggette — I actually thought of that, which is why I said that my hypothetical person was taking up two seats. (That is, they were rude not for appearing to be able-bodied and taking up a seat, but for taking up two seats unnecessarily when someone else appeared to be in need).

  43. “Or, you know, results in the harasser chasing you down and assaulting you. Or you getting grief from the cops. Honestly, I love the tips from the peanut gallery. Just do X! I’ve got news for you–doing X, Y, or Z doesn’t always work, and sometimes has nasty blowback for you if you do it.”

    Maybe. Sometimes acting to preserve your dignity has repercussions. Doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do. Eh, what do I know? I can’t imagine any police officer giving you a problem for hitting a dude who’s being aggressive with you with liquid CS though, unless it’s illegal in NYC.

    “I would appreciate it, though, if other men would glare at harassing men, to let them know that their behavior isn’t acceptable, instead of ignoring it, going along with it or laughing. Treat it the same way you would treat someone who was taking up two subway seats when an elderly person with a cane was standing — give dirty looks, etc, to make it clear that it’s not acceptable behavior.”

    Honestly, if a dude isn’t willing to say something then why bother? Glaring at some guy probably won’t be any less confrontational than saying something to him. Also, your train guy? He’s getting told to move, and he’s moving or getting snatched up. I guess mileage may vary on that one.

    Sorry about the “ladies” thing ya’ll. Didn’t know that was an issue. My bad.

  44. After living in Italy for a year in college, NYC is nothing (I’ve been in the city for 5 years). But I tell you what, those piece of shit cat-calling Italians pretty much ruined my experience. When I was in the south of Italy for a couple of months it got so bad that I just refused to leave the house after dark. I’d love to go back there now with a few expletives for them.

  45. I should clarify that I don’t think all Italians are pieces of shit. But I do think that all Italians (and anyone else for that matter) who cat call are.

  46. No, It wasnt my fault I got groped or called a fat ass. But I didnt internalize it either. That was my point.

    No, you didn’t internalize it. You externalized it, you pushed the leftover contempt and anger onto other women, who haven’t done anything wrong. That’s no better than internalizing it, and don’t pretend it is.

    Shoving it right back in men’s faces is fantastic, but don’t throw the leftovers at us.

  47. “No, It wasnt my fault I got groped or called a fat ass. But I didnt internalize it either. That was my point.”

    No, you didn’t internalize it. You externalized it, you pushed the leftover contempt and anger onto other women, who haven’t done anything wrong. That’s no better than internalizing it, and don’t pretend it is.

    Hey, but now she totally is one of the guys! It’s awesome! All she has to do is show her contempt for other women and she’s in the club! (Where she’ll be totally safe, I’m sure. Turning on other women to curry favor with misogynist assholes always works out really well for women, yanno? 9.9)

    Regarding standing up for women on the street; I’d probably really appreciate it if a guy told off another guy who was giving me grief. But then he has to *not* talk to me or approach me afterwards. Then it’s too much like one bear scaring off another bear so it can eat the kill (even if it’s intended to be comforting.) You can be pretty sure I’ll appreciate the help even if you don’t get your knight-onna-white-horse moment, and hey, it’s certainly possible that I’ll approach *you* to say thanks anyways. 🙂

  49. “I can’t imagine any police officer giving you a problem for hitting a dude who’s being aggressive with you with liquid CS though, unless it’s illegal in NYC.”

    Henry, I’m glad you can’t imagine it, but trust me–women LIVE this. We don’t have to imagine it, and don’t need the advice from men who don’t deal with it on a daily basis.

    Maybe you peeps should instead of bitching about catcalls, learn to walk with some power. You can never feel powerless without giving someone the permission to make you feel that way.

    Well aren’t you a special fucking snowflake, B-Rex. Oddly enough, I’ve been told that I was targeted by catcallers BECAUSE I walk like I “own the world” and so they “naturally” met the challenge I presented. Stop acting like a victim-blaming douche maggot. FFS, women saying street harassment pisses them off isn’t giving the catcallers permission to make us feel powerless.

    Oh, and BTW? I know of women who got assaulted and who got in a shitload of trouble for getting physical with a groper. Again, fuck off with your super-special superiority complex. And this comes from someone who chased a groper (who was on his bike) and have kicked the crap out of gropers. Difference is, I don’t tell women they ask for it by not walking with power or that they’re victim-tripping for feeling crappy with having to deal with this shit in the first place. Do kindly shove your judgemental bullshit where the sun doesn’t shine.

  50. “I can’t imagine any police officer giving you a problem for hitting a dude who’s being aggressive with you with liquid CS though, unless it’s illegal in NYC.”

    Henry, theres two things you need to know. First, your privilege is showing. Maybe you’ve had nothing but positive experiences with police and can’t imagine them being assholes, but I’d be willing to wager you’re of the race and class (not to mention gender) that the police are expected to serve. In Chicago, at least, I can all but promise you that if you’re a woman who maces someone you’ll end up in county unless there was absolutely no ambiguity in the situation (and even then…). Thats before we even consider that a male cop looking at a maced cat-caller is pretty likely to see using mace as an overreaction, especially if he’s made cat-calls himself.

    Second, not too many years ago I was the victim of an attempted mugging involving CS spray as a weapon. While it wasn’t pleasant, I also wasn’t mugged and was able to defend myself. Its not a magic bullet that will put a large, aggressive man in his place and let the little lady walk off with her honor (or whatever the fantasy you’re having is). So hows about when you hear women who have lived through this say that a violent reaction is dangerous to them, you sit down and listen rather than explain why they’re being foolish and why you can save the day?

  51. “Regarding standing up for women on the street; I’d probably really appreciate it if a guy told off another guy who was giving me grief. But then he has to *not* talk to me or approach me afterwards. Then it’s too much like one bear scaring off another bear so it can eat the kill (even if it’s intended to be comforting.) You can be pretty sure I’ll appreciate the help even if you don’t get your knight-onna-white-horse moment, and hey, it’s certainly possible that I’ll approach *you* to say thanks anyways. :)”

    Well, that certainly sounds equitable!

    In fact, why don’t we just invent social rules to apply to people we’ve never met, then get offended when they don’t follow them?

    Clearly a more constructive approach is to get really, really angry, and then write a blog about it. That’ll show them!

  52. When I moved to NYC, I was already fat and in my thirties. I assumed there wasn’t much street harassment here, because I didn’t experience it the way I did in other cities. Eventually, I figured out that I’d aged out of it.

    You girls are really going to miss the attention when you stop getting it.

    Not.

    One of the wonderful things about aging (one of the only wonderful things) is the downturn in street harassment. I had an interesting moment a couple months’ ago: I walked by a group of young men outside a bodega, late at night, and realized that ten years ago I’d have crossed the street to avoid them, to avoid the combination of rage, fear and humiliation I’d always feel when getting catcalled and groped. Now I can just sail on by, invisible.

    And as to the invisibility of middle-aged women: I haven’t found it that extreme in other contexts. I have young male co-workers chat with me, even though I’m past “fuckable” – decent guys are willing to be friendly with women they’re not attracted to, because generally speaking, people are social creatures who enjoy other people’s company. I frequently have friendly conversations with men who work behind the counters at delis and stores. What I don’t have any more is that “power” that young girls and women are supposed to value in lieu of real power – no one flirts with me, or acts overly chivalrous, or stops in their tracks to ogle me. But since this kind of “power” never translated into any real power or financial gain, but only the expectation that I should appreciate and expect sexual come-ons and subsequent anger at my rejection and the expectation that I should show proper appreciation for the supposed (and unrequested) perks that my youth and prettiness brought , it’s not a “power” that I particularly miss.

    So, to the younger women here – if you ever have an inkling of doubt when someone says “you’ll hate it when the compliments stop” – chances are, you won’t. It’s quite freeing to transition from being seen as a piece of ass to being just a pedestrian. I suspect it might be sort of like what life is like for boys and men. It’s almost like being a human being!

  53. Pingback: On Catcalling « FemBot

  54. Thanks for this post. I experienced this when I spent a summer in India, and was traveling as a single woman. When I lived in Boston, I experienced some catcalling a few times, and once had the displeasure of encountering a public masturbator, but it was nothing like the constant hassle of being a younger woman on the streets in India. I had men follow me around, make hissing noises at me, proposition me, try to get me to get in their vehicles, masturbate in front of me, etc.

    I haven’t encountered much street harassment in the U.S., and similar to the original post, I felt unprepared for what I experienced in India. It’s a conversation I’ve tried to have with other female friends in the U.S. — do you eventually get used to it, or develop a thicker skin? Honestly, it rattled me so much that I would have second thoughts before I traveled there alone again. And it makes me feel like I’m a chicken — I am proud of the fact that I’ve traveled alone in many places, and I feel like a confident solo traveler who keeps her wits about her, but I felt like I had no shield to deflect any of the hassling in India when I was traveling alone.

    In the U.S., I’ve also occasionally experienced some homophobic street harassment, which is terrifying. Rude “lesbian” gestures, carloads of men yelling “fuckin’ dykes!,” groups of men yelling “that’s not a dude, that’s a chick!,” etc. All of the homophobic harassment I’ve encountered has been from groups of men — never single individuals.

    I despise street harassment so intensely – I think I visibly ID as queer to most people, especially people who live in cities/towns with lots of queer folks, so when I am harassed on the street I am flooded with a fear that this situation is going to balloon into an assault of some sort – a hate crime, sexual assault, etc. If it is strictly catcalling, I find it easier to shake off in the U.S., and easier to be indignant about, but the homophobic comments make me feel paralyzed with fear.

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