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Help Your Desperate Blogger

I need your help for my upcoming teaching practicum. Please bear with me while I explain.

Instruction on grammar and usage has become a requirement for all English classrooms K-12 through NCLB, instruction that was often avoided by many Language Arts teachers before it was nationally mandated. Even after the mandate, teachers remain intimidated by strict grammatical rules, parsed sentences, and categorical terminology, and have little recourse but to turn to dry, pre-fab curriculum. Students hate the worksheets and lose respect for learning grammar — never mind the negative message sent by teachers afraid to approach the material — and teachers remain safe behind the authority of the all-knowing book o’ answers.

Explanations of grammar and usage should be a natural, fluid part of teaching reading, writing, and literature, with a focus on everyday usage and function that is not isolated to the written word alone. Ultimately, because our goal (in my particular classes) is to make better writers of the students, the written word must have significant focus. Though it will not be a singular focus, this point may be pressed by putting the differences between descriptive and prescriptive forms on the table, in addition to offering concrete explanations pertaining to venues in which these uses of the language are expected and appropriate. [The key is to teach Standard written English while not putting down non-Standard English speakers, as one’s style of talking is often heavily tied to identity.] One way that this can be done is modeling shifts from the spoken word (non-standard) to situationally appropriate uses of the written word (formally standard).


One cannot hand out worksheets on grammar and expect improvement in student essays. Because research shows that active, contextual explications of grammar are most beneficial to students, I will model revisions by taking a raw source and molding it into something more formally acceptable in front of, and with help from, the class. The overall goal is to identify where meaning breaks down, why it breaks down, and how to change it.

Daily Oral Language (DOL) is a long-term, repeating lesson in usage that not only turns students into editors, but also into researchers. They are encouraged to observe their world to find real-world examples of questionable grammar and usage and discuss and revise them as a class. Though DOL is generally used in elementary and middle schools with the above-mentioned pre-fab curriculum, this method has been revised for an older classroom to allow greater discussion for grammar and usage in context. Some of your children have probably been exposed to this method in a different form.

Still with me? Here is where I want help from you.

I need to have a slew of examples on hand to use in class for days when students have not contributed their own examples. These should preferably be oral phrases written down verbatim, phrases that are acceptably sensible in conversation that are obviously not formal Standard English.

For example:

Governor Perdue of Georgia I thought did a — showed some leadership by saying we’ve got to — anticipating a problem, here’s what we need to do to correct it. There’s going to be some — by the way, and here’s what we have done and will continue to do.
— George W. Bush, praising the Georgia governor’s energy policies, Washington, D.C., Sep. 26, 2005

There are many ways this sentence could be revised (ahem) to rebuild the breakdown in meaning. If you’re a brave soul, try it in the comments.

For another example, one of my friends adds the phrase “and stuff like that” to the end of nearly every utterance. This is an example that doesn’t require traditional revision. Instead we could discuss what function this oral tic serves, if any. Comparable examples include the recent studies released on the functions of like and dude. See this amusing post for more.

Another example that happened in real time, as my professor modeled a DOL lesson for us, occurred as she explained how DOL can be a venue to discuss socio-linguistics. As she wrapped up her thoughts, she said:

It is a safe environment in which for you to do that.

She slowed about halfway through the sentence as she realized what she was saying, in part because we all whipped out our pens and scribbled the phrase into our notebooks.

Though I would prefer the examples to be oral, I will gladly accept others. My friend Chuck, a linguist, has written several posts on his blog from which I will pull examples.

In one post he writes about the gender implications of the uni- in unisex.

In another post that I still bounce around my head, he writes a note to the mailman on how to handle a delivery:

My note said to “Please leave the package in the plastic bag under the doormat.” I suspected that this would be an interesting test of the interpretation of constituent structure, because as I wrote the note, I realized I was introducing a delightful ambiguity in the meaning.

…If the delivery person interprets my message as 1a., in which the PP “under the doormat” modifies the NP “the plastic bag”, the package will be left in the usual location next to the door, but inside a plastic bag, which I left under the doormat.

If, however, the delivery person were to interpret the message as 1b, the PPs are treated as basically conjunctive (i.e., [in the plastic bag] *and* [under the doormat]), which makes the second PP locative not for the NP “the plastic bag”, but of the NP “the package”. The unambiguous result of this interpretation would be that the package and the plastic bag are both left under the doormat.

…When I got home, the package was indeed in the plastic bag. And under the doormat.

If you have gotten this far and are still remotely interested, you are clearly a dork like me.

Any suggestions, pointers, resources, and examples are appreciated, though we need to lay off the Dubya quotes — he’s just too easy. Feel free to out your spouses, your kids, your boss, your friends. Skewer song lyrics and political speeches, and make fun of people on daytime television. No one is sacred, not even me.

Hopefully I have made this clear enough to solicit more than one or two comments. Because the comments automatically close after fourteen days, future examples can be emailed directly to me.


34 thoughts on Help Your Desperate Blogger

  1. One thing that came up for me a couple of days ago was the spelling of the plural of roof. A common spoken pronuciation rhymes with “hooves.” However, the correct spelling is “roofs.” Interestingly, the Newenglander who corrected my spelling was unaware that anyone pronouced it “rooves.”

  2. Here’s one I still recall from my very long ago T.A. days:

    Republicans wear their hair no longer than their ears.

    What do you think about the ‘might have could’ construction which is common in southern Indiana and points south, as in:

    I might have could gone to the store if I had enough time.

    If someone can get you transcripts of testimony or depositons, those are a great source. I know that when I read a transcript of testimony I had given, I was horrified.

  3. I don’t know if this would exactly fit but something else you might do is to have a discussion about the common usage of “hopefully” versus the grammatically correct usage.

    And I’ve got another one I just remembered (as this was oral, I’ve added punctuation for clarity):

    Honey, I’m just sitting here on my big bed, got my cigarettes, my beer, and my picture of you and, honey, I think it’s great.

  4. “Whenever I was at your house last time.” My cousins say this all the time.

    Also the proper use of the word “anymore”, which seems to have completely illude people anymore. (God, that is painful…)

    Well Anyways, for my father I will also mention, that the word “Anyway” is never plural.

    I also remember that my my hs english teacher spent a whole class on the difference between “take” and “bring”. And it’s funny because it was necessary.

  5. My wife is just starting her second year of teaching high school english. She’s still fresh from the front lines that you’re about to enter. The good news is, she loves it. I hope you do, too.

    As for your specific question, I asked her about it, and she suggested you check out the Simpsons for fun examples of bad grammar that can be re-worked.

    Also, I assume that you, as a wordie, have a copy of The Deluxe Transitive Vampire. It won’t give you everything you’re looking for here, but it’s a great resource for getting your head around how particular constructs work and don’t work.

  6. Your plastic bag example, read without context, admits of a third reading: that the reader will be bearing a package or packages, one of which is identified by the modifier “in the plastic bag,” and that it is this particular package which must be placed under the mat. In most circumstances, context would preclude this interpretation.

    Yes, these are indeed the skills for which I am paid the moderate bucks. Legislators, fear me.

  7. The example that has annoyed me for years is Paul McCartney’s Live and Let Die, when he sings

    But if this ever-changing world in which we live in
    makes you give in and cry

    It’s just like he started a sentence and didn’t quite know how to finish (suffering from mixed feelings about ending sentences with prepositions), but since he sang it a jillion times there seems to be no excuse. There’s a theory that he’s singing “in which we’re living,” but I don’t buy it.

  8. Hey! Linguistics! 🙂
    Some oft-quoted study found that the worst sentences were generally uttered in contexts where people are trying to sound smart: academic conferences. And it seems to me that such sentences (much like the Bush example you cited) are a good place to find examples because who doesn’t get a kick out of correcting someone famous? Perhaps interviews with movie stars would be a good context…
    Anyways. Cool project. I will be paying attention for good examples for you over the next few days.

  9. Do you know of Language Log? They use current news articles, sound bites, and such as a jumping-off point for discussions in linguistics – for example, at the height of the Star Wars E3 hype, analyzing Yoda-speak. Is that the kind of thing you’re looking for?

    Governor Perdue of Georgia, I thought, showed some great leadership ability by anticipating a problem and saying, “Here’s what we need to do to correct it.” That’s what we too have done, and what we will continue to do. I think. I’m confused. Can I go home now?
    — George W. Bush, praising the Georgia governor’s energy policies, Washington, D.C., Sep. 26, 2005

  10. I doubt Jill intended to do so, but she left you a great example on the front page of “I can totally related.”

    (This is not meant to make fun of her in any way, shape, or form. I happen to think you are both fabulous.)

  11. Hmm. Not sure if this would be what you’re looking for, but my boyfriend is bringing home all sorts of delightful new verbal tics. (It’s pretty funny, because he was raised by a college professor, and he was always the guy that corrected my grammar. Used to drive me nuts.) Now that he’s teaching in an inner-city school, he’s picked up many of the expressions that his students use. Like calling me at 5pm and saying:

    I’m about to leave out the school.

    Hehe. Actually, that one is pretty interesting, because I think you could argue the incorrect grammar is almost better than the ambiguous proper grammar–since “leave” connotes either “forget” or “exit,” his students clarify which one they mean.

  12. And also, just about any television show. “Do you want me to come with?” TV shows in general give you good examples — scripted or reality, both.

    After Language Log, try Semantic Compositions and Tenser, said the tensor, which also often do some pop linguistics sort of stuff.

    I think the reference Parodie mentioned was referred to in ‘The Language Instinct’.

  13. The Yoda-speak example mentioned above is a great tool for analyzing basic word order of a language. This *might* be too linguistic-y, but it may also dovetail nicely with the subject-predicate-direct object lesson:

    English has SVO basic word order:

    Jeff pushed the cart.

    Japanese (as an example) has SOV basic word order:

    Jeff cart pushed

    Some languages have other examples of basic word order. What kind of word order is Yoda using when he sees his friends in trouble and orders his troops to protect them:

    Around them a perimeter create!

    —-

    Gosh, this is kinda fun 🙂 Shall we do one about “fuck” next?

  14. “What it is, is…” I like this example, because in a sense, it *is* grammatical–“what it is” is rendered as a noun phrase–but the problem is obvious: why use “is” twice in a row? Then you can talk about the logic of the thing–someone starts a sentence by wanting to focus on the *explanation* as (false) subject (which is the same reason people wind up using passive voice, by the way); and the difference between oral and written use is that when you get to writing it down, you have a chance to “revise” the thought by saying, for example, “the problem is…”

    Plus the explanation, I think, does a good job of moving away from the “right / wrong” paradigm to the question of *usage*–in casual spoken speech, “what it is, is” works fine, everyone understands it; but in writing, it’s just awkward as hell.

  15. “What it is, is…”

    This is called a “cleft construction”, or specifically, a “wh-cleft”, and there’s something else called a “pseudocleft” that I’m not prepared to discuss as far as the differences among them 🙂 But as I understand it, a cleft is basically moving an entire S(entence) into a topic position. It serves its purpose in spoken language exactly as Bitch, Ph.D. describes: Topically-relevant stuff comes first so the listener knows what’s important.

    On a related note, spoken language also runs “that”s together: ‘Wasn’t it that that we were supposed to use?’ or something… Just a thought.

  16. Speaking of “gorram” – there are lots of instances in Firefly of verbal interestingness. Didn’t Kaylee say something along the lines of “I ain’t had nothing becleft my nethers in a year that had no batteries!” Take the little buggers to see “Serenity”.

    (Or the big buggers, it being 11th/12th grade.)

  17. I second the suggestion for the “Eats, Shoots and Leaves” book. It’s loaded with examples of “incorrect” grammar in everyday life. I used just the title example in my DOL one day (I teach middle school), and my students really seemed to latch on that as a concrete, common-sense example of how grammar (well, commas anyway) affects your writing. There were a lot of “Oooooooh”s going on, which is always a nice thing to hear.

  18. Here in Australia we say: yeah no. An example:
    “I though the girls in the film seemed a little weak”.
    “Yeah, no, the female characters certainly aren’t perfect”.
    It indicates agreement with a negative statement, if that helps. It’s an odd little regionalism and I do it all the time.

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