NEWSFLASH: When a person acts too smooth to be real, s/he probably ain’t bein’ real.
The Guardian reports on a new book, The Game, that teaches nerds how to pick up women by being manipulative and smarmy. The author, Neil Strauss, is lauded as the hero of “the secret society of pick-up artists” and a man who teaches the reluctant virgins among us how to be master PUAs themselves.
Take the key PUA tactic of ‘negging’, in which, tapping into female insecurity, you offer a woman a line that is both compliment and insult: ‘I like your skirt. I just saw another girl wearing the same one a moment ago.’
…The PUA alphabet turns out to be a dizzying cacophony of mind games, all designed to make a woman feel intimately connected to him, painstakingly mapping her psyche for manipulation.
Strauss reveals his interesting methodology: he read “The Second Sex” before writing this book, attempting to map women’s insecurities in order to turn empowerment against women to get them to spread like butter. Charming.
Emmy at Gendergeek tears this article apart, perfectly summing up my feelings on the matter:
reading this stuff makes me cringe because the stereotypes that surround sex and relationships are so tired. Specifically, the idea that men are on some continual quest (successful or otherwise) to have meaningless intercourse while women are perpetual engaged in husband baiting. For men, human sexual relationships are a ‘game’ which they can win if they outwit their opponents. Women, on the other hand, are required to follow the rules. In these kinds of characterisations, it’s men who have all the power; to seduce, to get what they want. A false dichotomy between male desire and female submission has always been a feature of our culture’s representation of sex.
I never played games and can’t imagine being dishonest with other people’s feelings just to get laid. I’ve seen friends and acquaintances play these games and get burned and humiliated in the process — what manipulation like this reveals is a startling amount of insecurity. If you don’t feel good enough to meet people with your own merit, you manipulate them into liking a facade, a sad interpretation of what you wish you were.
The best pick up line? Shake my hand. “Hi, my name is…” Treat me like a human being. Avoid seeing women as conquests and men as competition. I’ll take a directionless, listless lad over a smarmy womanizer anyday.
I find it telling that Neil eventually fell for and married a woman who wouldn’t submit to his manipulations. Reportedly, his tactics and his old buddies only annoy her.
More at Moment to Moment
See also, How can I become cool? Please do not follow most of the offered advice.