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Birthdays and Bowling

Ethan and his father took up bowling a few years ago. I thought it would be a passing phase, as I never saw E’s dad as a bowling kind of guy, but it stuck. This year they took me bowling for my birthday. I slid all over the lane in my bowling shoes, accidentally throwing the ball down the aisle, and generally pissing off the old men in the next lane preparing for a very serious league night. Ethan beat us both.

When I was a teenager, my friends and I went bowling every weekend. We’d pile into my car, load up on caffeine and nicotine, and pass the time until curfew at the saddest bowling alley in town. One of my friends, a very dedicated pothead, would smoke before we picked her up and turn into bowlista extraordinaire. With red, squinty eyes and an exaggerated twist of her wrist, she outbowled us all. A strike every time. Being the sore loser that I am, I insisted that once we began to fit in at the bowling alley it was time to give up the sport, thus ending my short affair with bowling.

Today my son has his own bowling ball and an average that sadly bests his parents’.

It only made sense that Ethan requested a party at the bowling alley, thereby ending our annual family-only party. Let be me clear: I’m not too big on other people’s kids, not after the age of one and not before fifteen. But, as always, I worry about the parents. Will we fit in? Will we be snubbed again? Can I finally score Ethan some playmates?

This year I say screw it. It’s my boy’s birthday and if he wants to go bowling, goddammit we’re going bowling.

But part of me is stuck in my childhood birthday anxieties: If we invite them, will they come?


11 thoughts on Birthdays and Bowling

  1. Maybe you just need some motivation for bowling. How about a mixed drink per pin knocked down. Your average will go up until you run out of money!

    As for the anxiety part, look at it this way. They’ll have to wear those same bowling shoes! How much better can they think they are if they’re wearing those shoes? Better yet, make them bowl and you just watch THEM make spectacles of themselves.

    BTW, I like bowling. I’m just not any good at it and (in my present old age), it hurts just a little too much later on….

  2. True, but you wouldn’t care. You’d be having a grand ole time from the alcohol regardless!

    Okay, one mixed drink per 5 pins knocked down (gives Ethan a chance to practice math)! 🙂

  3. Do what my mother did – hire the wild-eyed homeless person that sat outside the bowling alley to come and attend my party, while she got sloshed in “Captain Nemo’s Bar” adjacent to the lanes. I learned a lot that day about the “coming apocalypse,” but the crazy fucker vomited in my street shoes.

  4. I threw a Halloween party that was very sparsely attended (partly due to people not being able to get through the Village Halloween Parade to get to the NJ trains, partly because one guest was on jury duty and had been sequestered), so I don’t do many parties anymore.

  5. Today my son has his own bowling ball and an average that sadly bests his parents’.

    Hell, I could beat you too if I got to bowl in the bumper lanes. Actually, I lie. I bumper bowled when I was a kid and I still sucked.

  6. Happy Birthday to Ethan! And your last line made my heart hurt – which is crazy b/c I don’t know you or your son – guess b/c reading about him and seeing his pictures that he seems like such a good natured and awesome child that of course other kids should like him!

  7. Some will come and some won’t—do you think it will matter to Ethan? Not in the least. He will have a ball, be excited as hotshit and love you and his dad for letting him have this event!!

    Enjoy the moment and quit worry about the other parents.

    Happy 6th Birthday, Ethan!

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