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Feministe’s Next Top Troll, March Madness Edition: The SLUTS! Bracket

Jill

It’s March Madness, Feministe-style: We’re doing a troll run-off to highlight some of our all-time favorite comments and pick the winner of Feministe’s Next Top Troll, Season 4. This is Bracket One, the SLUTS! Bracket.

Potentially triggering troll comments below the image. Vote for your favorite of the SLUTS! bracket at the bottom.


James:

Let’s face it, the primary cause of single motherhood is fornication. Fornication is a sin, whether Liberals want to admit it or not. People like the Rev Al Sharpton, who are supposed to be preachers of the Gospel, would do more good for their people if they would preach the Biblical Gospel: repentance toward God and faith in Jesus Christ. As it now stands they preach the gospel of big government and entitlement. This is seductive to their followers but continues to create the misery that generally follows sinful behavior.

VERSUS

Truth?, whose email address is “loveboy1969”:

Maybe Obama will legalize prostitution. Think of the money the hookers will make and the money the baby killers will make! It could turn our economy around.

I mean we might as well start breeding as soon as they can so we can kill the babies and call it “choice” or (my personal favorite) “a women’s choice”. And the teenagers are how old? Here’s a choice, keep your legs together. Or in the case of rape, kill the rapist. Oh… I’m sorry, the baby’s not innocent are they. They are the guilty ones, how dare them to try to be born! YOU LIBERALS ARE SENDING AMERICA TO HELL! Honestly! Please move!

I don’t want you ungodliness (and please don’t tell me you are a believer like Obama does and murder babies) or your ignorance to rub off.

I guess we will turn the war on terror back on the babies of the women who can’t “Just say NO”. And my tax money will be spent on teaching young girls to sleep with every guy the meet and call it “Planned Parenthood”. REALLY? We are teaching them to be Parents? Let’s see. Kill your child, don’t get married and go get pregnant again and do the same thing. And YOU PEOPLE think the abstinence believers are wrong? UNBELIEVABLE.

Well the ignorance of America will be confirmed this week when we officially become an Obamanation.

Who will be Feministe’s Next Top Troll?

47 thoughts on Feministe’s Next Top Troll, March Madness Edition: The SLUTS! Bracket

  3. Hmmm, James doesn’t seem to be on top of his game, methinks.

    I vote “Truth?” for the wild-eyed, frothing-at-the-mouth ranting, rounded off with a thrilling baseless accusation for 3 points.

  5. They’re both extremely trollish, but James is just plain boring. “Truth?” is so over-the-top that this rant earns my vote.

  7. TRUTH takes it! Woohoo! Nothing like a good dose of concentrated crazy–like chewing an entire tin of altoids at once followed by a tall iced gin! WOW!

  8. I was gonna give James my vote for his completely unironic use of the “fornication”, but then at the end Truth gives us “Obamanation” and I am left undecided. Hmm…

  9. Anyone who believes we’ll breed for the sake of killing babies just for funsies has my vote!

  10. Katlyn, are you kidding me? I’ve already gotten pregnant and aborted 4 times just this year!
    You might just have to turn in your feminist card for that. *shakes head*

  11. Gotta go with with the underdog and vote for James. seeing the word “fornication” just makes me giggle, and we all know us girls like the ones who can make us laugh.

  12. My vote goes to TRUTH EXCLAMATION POINT for this entry’s many helpful suggestions on how to improve the economy and the country. A civic-minded troll if ever a troll there was.

  13. Truth has a question mark after their name because they don’t know what the truth is. They must stay up all night thinking up this stuff.

    Now I have to go take my temperature to see if I’m ovulating. If I am, then I’ll go get pregnant because I love having abortions. Seriously, show me a woman who doesn’t get pregnant every month so that a doctor can stick a vacuum in her vagina and suck out the contents of her uterus, and I’ll show you a woman who hasn’t yet lived.

  15. I voted for TRUTH? because with the question mark, it makes sound as if they’re not quite sure of what it is.

  16. Truth because unlike James who just capitalizes the word “liberal”, he puts it in CAPS. Way to go James!

    But I have to give James some points because all this talk about “fornication” and “sinning” just makes me hot and bothered.

    *waves fan*

  18. “call it “choice” or (my personal favorite) “a women’s choice”

    If there’s anything sillier than choice, it’s the idea that a “women” might get to have one.

    Truth for the win!

  19. FORNICATION. James gets my vote because I just love that word. It sounds like something delicious that you’re not supposed to do…but only because someone doesn’t want you to have any fun. And Obamanation has been done to death.

  21. Shit, James is getting his ass kicked. I should have made this a more fair competition by putting TRUTH? against someone more formidable.

    But just wait until tomorrow — I put my two favorites in a run-off against each other.

  23. “A women” and the idea that killing a rapist somehow creates a specific time warp that prevents pregnancy from occurring vs. James? No contest.

  24. Truth, because I have a soft spot for deranged fantasists:

    And my tax money will be spent on teaching young girls to sleep with every guy the[y] meet…

    Goddamn, why aren’t any of those classes in my neighborhood?

  26. James scored some early points, but in the end he could not stand up to Truth?’s use of Cruise Control. Next time, James, remember: your points will carry far more weight if you JUST TYPE THEM LIKE THIS.

  28. What ThickRedGlasses and TurboPixie said. Gee, “ungodliness”….can you get that from toilet seats?

  29. I’d like point out to James that fornication is the primary cause of motherhood in general. And fatherhood. And kids.

    My next bumper sticker project: Kids: Born Of Sin!

  30. Also, big fan of TRUTH’s “Honestly!” and “UNBELIEVABLE!” Dude sets up his own arguments and has no compunction about getting angry about his straw liberal-teen-Obama-lovin’-mamas.

  31. James started out so well with his “the primary cause of single motherhood is fornication” but everything after that just fell flat. Truth? was troll gold through and through.

  32. I think TRUTH wins because he highlights the little-talked-about fact that women (sorry, “girls”) get pregnant just by spreading their legs. No male is involved in this process. If we would just be abstinent by keeping our legs together, we would not get pregnant. Seriously, it drives me crazy how I get pregnant all the time when I’m washing my privates in the shower and my legs are apart. It’s important that he brings this important issue to light.

    Sluts.

  33. As a born-again-and-again buddhist, I full-heartedly agree with James. If only we blindly followed Jesus and our religious leaders the world would be such a better place- for white christian men. I imagine life as is must be really swell for James already being that he’s (likely) never had to think for himself or evaluate his own assumptions.

    If heaven is where I”ll meet James, I think I much rather chill in hell or keep coming back here, thanks.

  34. But they’re both so good! Mmm…Taste the guilt-trippiness!

    I think Truth?’s email address goes for the win, though. 1969, eh? Now that’s creative prophylactic thinking!

  35. Pingback: Today Sucks « Musings of a Misanthropist

  38. I’m voting for TRUTH?, for the mind-boggling implication that killing a rapist will cause his victims to be retroactively unpregnant.

  39. I love “here’s a choice…in the case of rape, kill the rapist”.

    [smacks head] “Dagnabbit! I went and let him rape me cuz I forgot I coulda just killed him!”

  40. Truth. His grammar had me LOLing. Senseless apostrophes, wrong use of the word ‘them.’ Either s/he’s about eight years old or just learned English.

    Plus James seems to be under the impression that I’m seducing him (sorry buddy.)

  41. Katlyn, are you kidding me? I’ve already gotten pregnant and aborted 4 times just this year!

    At least you can. The best I can do is masturbate and stamp on the sperm. (Which I hope takes the title of weirdest “What about the menz” ever)

    I’m adding my vote for Truth?, since he seems to subconsciously accept his questionable nature.

  42. TRUTH?. Because he thinks hookers can save the economy…and also for the caps lock abuse…

    @SunlessNick: lol

  43. I had to vote for Truth, for the question mark, the assertion that the only thing stupider than choice is letting women have one, and the all-caps YOU PEOPLE near the end (arguments are always better with the phrase “you people”).

  44. “so we can kill the babies and call it “choice” or (my personal favorite) “a women’s choice”. And the teenagers are how old? Here’s a choice, keep your legs together. Or in the case of rape, kill the rapist.”

    so we should kill the rapist, but not stop his precious seed? oh okay.

  45. Much as I love laughing at the word “fornication”, James hardly even sounds like a troll up against the 0ver-the-top-trollishness of the other guy. haha

  46. The reason I voted for Truth? is because of his use of political retoric out of context — we’re now conducting a “war on terror” against fetuses, and the slutz need to “Just say NO.”

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