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Rove, Rove, Rove

Lauren

[UPDATE: TalkLeft is on top of things, including a primer for those who don’t fully understand the implications of the case and speculations on the resignation of Karl Rove.]

If you thought you could get away without hearing about Karl Rove on this website, you were wrong. Alas, no breaking stories here, but how can I let this one go by if even Faux News is reporting against one of its own? And with the “liberal blogosphere…aflame with animosity toward Karl Rove” I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to jump on the dogpile by heavily quoting someone else.

Aunt Jenna believes there are more than two paltry reasons that Rove (allegedly) leaked Plame:

1. Rove knew Plame was in terrible danger, and he had to warn her somehow. He gave her information to the press as a way of getting the message to her immediately. She got out safe, didn’t she? She’s home now, giving interviews to Vanity Fair, all thanks to Karl.

2. Rove was in love with Plame, and gave her name to the press as a way of trying to cause friction between her and her husband. it’s not very Christian of him, trying to break up someone’s marriage, but a man in love is a difficult creature to reason with.

3. Valerie Plame was actually a very clever double agent, and Rove “accidentally” leaked her name in a patriotic gesture, risking his liberty to remove a danger to the US that could be dealt with in no other way. See, she probably covered her tracks so well, he knew there was no way to bring her to justice. We’ll probably never know the true extent of the treachery of Valerie Plame.

4. Rove has an evil twin.

5. Once, a long time ago, John Kerry saved Karl Rove’s life – possibly in the Mekong Delta. Rove swore eternal loyalty, so when a deranged Kerry maliciously leaked Plame’s name to the press, Rove knew that he had to step in and take the fall or Kerry’s career would be over. He owes the man his life, for chrissake! That trumps any partisan politics.

6. Rove was secretly in love with Joe Wilson, and was trying to get his wife out of the way. Once again, not very Christian, but you know what homosexuals are like.

7. Goddamn MSM! Always out to get Republicans!

8. Robert Novak, Judith Miller and Matthew Cooper tied Rove to a chair, attached electrodes to his genitals, threatened him with vicious dogs and Koran desecration until he gave up the name of every CIA agent he knew. Why a presidential advisor would need to know names of CIA agents is beyond me, but I trust the president and if random staffers know crucial details of our intelligence-gathering apparatus, I’m sure that’s nothing to worry about.

I would just like to point out that in 20 minutes or so, I came up with eight possible Rove defenses. Eight. And I’m not even a paid political commentator like May. Not naming any names, but I think The Corner is not getting their money’s worth out of some of their contributors.

No doubt! I thought we could join Aunt Jenna and extend a hand across the political divide to help The Corner concoct more excuses for Karl Rove. Leave yours in the comments.

18 thoughts on Rove, Rove, Rove

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  2. Karl Rove has not accepted the Truth of Scientology and the evil Thetans (is what they’re called?) in his brain took over his speech centers and made him out Valerie Plame.

  3. Break-up revenge: Rove was jealous of all the time Bush has been spending with Tony Blair and decided to take the whole damn ship down with their failed relationship.

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  5. I think the reason Bob Novak is getting a pass on this is because everyone is just horrified he’ll tell the real story:

    He and Karl Rove were in bed together, another in a long string of hot, steamy, downright dirty nights of rolling, tumbling gay sex. As Rove approached the point of no return, he accidentally shouted “Valerie! Oh Valerie! Valerie Plame, you’re a spook!”

    Before Rove could think of what he had just done, Novak was already out of bed, underwear on, and one foot into his slacks.

    And of course, the rest, as they say, is treason. Oh no, wait, that first bit was treason. The rest is just plain history.

  8. He’s cleverly trying to distract us from the Downing Street Memos. It’s the Rovian equivalent of slipping us a Mickey.

    (Although I’m willing to sink my teeth into Rove’s ankle anytime!)

  10. I shudder to think what Rove’s evil twin would be like. If Rove had a twin, I would think that Karl himself would be entitled to that moniker.

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  12. For Rove, outing covert agent is just politics as usual. If he hadn’t outed Plame, the terrorists would have already won. He had to out Plame—for the sake of freedom.

  14. My question is, what prefix can we append to “gate” in order to properly name this scandal? Rovegate and Karlgate are just plain ugly. Valeriegate doesn’t even have the ring that Monicagate had. In true-blue hyperbolic form, Ted Rall suggests Treasongate, which has a nice sound but probably won’t become coin of the realm among the MSM. I’ll bet you Rove beats this, because without a good name for the scandal, why, I’ve practically forgotten about it already!

  15. Whoops, sorry about the sloppy use of “append.” The sentence should read “…what prefix can we prefix to “gate” in order to…”

  16. I’ve always referred to it as “the Wilson-Plame affair”. I’m actually really tired of the suffix “-gate”, but since it is part of the lexicon now, how about “intelgate” or “Rove leaked the name of a covert CIA agent to get back at her husbandgate”. Somehow, I don’t think RLTNOACCATGBAHHgate is going to catch on.

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