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Why be religious?

In recent threads about religion, some people have asked, simply, why? Why be religious? Why put in all of the effort to redefine a feminist Judaism? Why maintain an association with these historically and presently oppressive institutions?

For me, there’s a few reasons that stand out in my head.

First, there’s a sense, for me at least, that I’m not choosing Judaism, per se. I believe in the Jewish God, the Shechina, HaShem, Avinu Malkeinu, Shadai, the God of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah. And I can’t really change that belief because, for me, it’s an internal Truth. And, because I believe in the Jewish God, I follow Judaism. Unlike some religions, which have a focus on spirituality, the predominant focus in much of Judaism is in ritual and community practice. Oh, sure, there’s philosophy and mysticism (Kabbalah!) and focus on becoming a better person (Mussar!) and so on. But, my Jewish practice is in keeping kosher, in wearing tefillin, keeping Shabbat, in praying with a community, in learning Torah, and more, all of which require or are augmented within a community structure.

Which brings me to the second reason: community. When I was at camp, we learned a cute song.

“Wherever you go, there’s always someone Jewish.
You’re never alone when you say you’re a Jew.
When you’re not home, and you’re somewhere kind of new-ish,
the odds are, don’t look far, ’cause they’re Jewish too.”

And, for me at least, it’s largely been true. I’ve done a decent amount of traveling, and, almost everywhere, I’ve found people who want to meet me because I’m Jewish and I’m new in town. I’m invited for meals or board games. I’ve been invited out for drinks and met some awesome friends. It’s insta-community. Along those same lines, I’ve been astounded at the support that my Jewish community offers. A couple of my friends have been really sick recently, and it’s been incredible to see the community mobilize around them. And, in my eyes, that’s enormous. As activists, we talk so much about supporting people who are marginalized, and some of the best work that I’ve seen towards this end is through my synagogue. My ill friends were brought food and volunteers ran their errands. They needed volunteers to manage the volunteers. Furthermore, my synagogue offers consistent quiet support to members in the community who have fallen on hard times and may need some meals or financial help. So, when activists talk about how damaging religion is and how we should do away with it, I really worry about that train of thought, because this kind of grassroots support is exactly what we’re trying to facilitate. It seems like throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Of course, this kind of community comes with a price. There are expectations of conformity, particularly in very religious communities. And there’s very real misogyny, homophobia, and xenophobia in many religious communities that make them toxic for some members. But I think that’s where feminist religion steps in. How do we preserve the good things about religion, while excising the bad? It’s a hard question, and I understand why some people might argue that we can’t.

Lastly, is a resistance to a kind of imperialism. I feel frustrated when people talk about how I should just embrace spirituality, over religion, because my spirituality comes from my religious practice. It’s a very Christian idea that thoughts and emotions, not actions, are what’s important for spiritual practice. I feel frustrated when people try to separate out my religion from my culture, to say that the culture is acceptable but the religion is not. They’re so tightly knit for me. and, again, I feel like it’s a very Christian, Western idea that they can be easily separated.* So, for the non-Christians in the room, discussions of the compatibility of feminism and religion can be particularly loaded. It’s frequently white, Christian-raised folks who ask this question in the first place. Though someone may have rejected their Christian upbringing, they may still hold onto ideas and prejudices that they didn’t even know were there, because there is privilege that comes with being raised in a Christian household.

So those are my reasons. Now I’d like to hear yours! Why are you a feminist Buddhist? Or a feminist Pagan? Or a feminist Sikh? Why are you a feminist Muslim? I want to hear your stories!

I do also want to hear from Christian feminists, though I’d really like to center non-Christians for this conversation. I feel like every religion thread on Feministe turns into Why-Christianity-Sucks and I’d really like to hear from minority religious practitioners, for once. So, Christian Feminists, feel free to add, but try to keep your privilege in check.

For those of you who disagree with my premise that religion and feminism are compatible, I would prefer not to have that discussion in this thread. Please respect that decision. Feel free to ask questions, but try to respect the identities of everyone posting.

I’ll be monitoring this thread pretty closely until 8:30 Pacific Time, at which point I’ll decide to either leave things open and unmoderated in my absence or close the comments for Shabbat.

*EDIT: As many people have pointed out, this sentence is not quite right and unfairly erases atheist Jews. I sincerely apologize for it.

The Politics of “Hello”

One of the stumbling blocks I repeatedly have over discussions of street harassment is that much of the time, on paper, it’s doesn’t look like harassment. Hell, much of the time what makes me uncomfortable isn’t harassment.

Much of the time, what makes me uncomfortable is hello.

Hello doesn’t get a lot of attention in discussions of street harassment. And why would it? When women get to hear gems like “I can smell your pussy” (that’s a link to Clarisse Thorn, not a link to l’eau de pussy) or even the cries of “beautiful, beautiful” that might seem like compliments but that take about two seconds to deconstruct as male occupation of public space, hello seems relatively harmless. Hello seems innocent, polite, open—even welcomed in a sea of harsher interactions. Hello seems friendly.

But as many women in urban spaces well know, hello isn’t always as friendly as it seems. I’m not talking about the kind of hello that helps build community; for example, hello has a history of functioning as a sort of verbal handshake in tight-knit urban neighborhoods—particularly neighborhoods largely consisting of traditionally marginalized people. Hello can serve as an understated way of saying: I see you, and you see me, and we’re in this together. (I should make it here that I am talking about urban environments, not rural or suburban ones in which it may be common to greet one another even if you’re strangers.)

That’s not the hello that bothers me. I’m talking about the hello that has an undertone of You, Woman, owe me, Man, your attention—an undertone that’s usually so subtle as to be difficult to define, leaving me wondering if I’m just being a misanthropic New Yorker who can’t play well with others. I’m talking about the hello that slides up and down the scale, the echo of a wolf whistle, its tone indicating what its denotation cannot. I’m talking about the hello that happens just as I pass a man on the street, the hello that is not a greeting but a whisper, the hello that puts me in a position of reaction—to turn my head in good faith to acknowledge the existence of a fellow human…or to hurry past, knowing full well that there’s a good chance it’s not my human existence, but my female existence, that’s being acknowledged.

The potency of hello relies upon its seemingly benign face: It’s a worldwide greeting, after all, and few of us want to live in a world where we can’t acknowledge one another’s existence. But the word itself originated as a call for attention (from the Old English holla, meaning to stop or cease), not mere politesse—and when directed from Anonymous Man to Anonymous Woman, you’re not always sure which hello you’re getting.

Therein lies the problem of hello: It’s not like I can’t be bothered to mutter a singular word to my fellow citizens, right? Nor do I believe that my presence on planet earth is such a gift to humankind that anointing a passerby with a mere word of my precious attention is some great act of grace on my part. Unless a hello was one that was spoken directly at my breasts with a wolf-whistle slide, whenever I sail by a hello-man without returning the greeting, I often have a moment of: What, you’re too good to say hi to him? At the same time, over the years I’ve learned that sometimes hello indicates you’re willing to have a longer conversation—and that often that longer conversation quickly enters the realm of what is unquestionably street harassment. (And even street harassment can bring conflicted reactions, as I examined at The Beheld earlier this year.)

So hello leaves me unsure, constantly second-guessing myself, not wanting to be all “uppity” but not wanting to leave myself open to uncomfortable situations. When I hear a vulgar comment on the street, I know how to react (or, rather, not react). When I hear hello, I feel caught. For as much as hello is a greeting, hello can also draw the lines clearly. Hello can mean: I am a man, you are a woman, and I am saying hello to acknowledge not your humanness but your womanness. Hello can mean: I feel I have a relationship with you, even though we’re total strangers, and the entire extent of that relationship is that I am in a role in which I am allowed to try to start a conversation and your choices are limited to appearing to ignore me or to play along with this conversation you made no indication of wishing to start. Hello assumes a familiarity; hello asks for acquiescence.

Sometimes I’m happy to acquiesce, even when I sense that it’s the kind of hello that wouldn’t happen if I were a man. (I asked some New York men about hearing hello on the street, and men who live in primarily Black areas said they exchange hellos in the neighborhood—other than that, it was a rare occurrence, I’m guessing about as frequent as when a woman I don’t know says it to me. Which is probably annually, not daily as with the hellos I’m addressing here.) My neighborhood is home to a bevy of elderly Greek men, and if returning their hellos means that I can bring a smidgen of joy to their day…well, in my personal calculus, the cost-benefit analysis of a silent schooling on the politics of public space loses out to a shared moment, a mutual smile. One skill I’ve cultivated over years of having a friendly, open, female face is sensing loneliness in people, and soothing that loneliness for a split second with a hello feels somehow morally compulsory.

And, of course, it’s that moral compulsion to be a “good girl” that has put me, and a lot of other women, in situations where we’re easily cornered, badgered, harassed, and endangered. I’m not arguing that a simple hello is harassment, but I also know that it’s often not simple or benign. And even when it’s nothing more than an old Greek man putting in a bid for a morsel of attention, I’m tired of—literally, I am emotionally exhausted by—feeling as though I need to parcel out attention to people merely because they’ve asked. And because it’s not people but men who make up the vast majority of the askers—and women their answerers—it becomes a feminist issue.

So, Feministes, I ask you: What is your reaction to hello?
What cues do you look for that indicate how simple a simple greeting really is? Do you say hello to strangers? Do you say hello back to them? What are the dynamics of hello in non-urban environments, or in urban environments that don’t live as publicly as New York?

So long, farewell, aufwiedersehn, adeiu!

Well it’s been two weeks, and here I am, one hand on the doorknob, the other clutching my valise. It’s time for me to hit the road, but I have so enjoyed being here! My only regret is that I haven’t had the time to interact as much as I would have wanted on other people’s posts, but I’ve certainly been happy being in the mix, even if I didn’t get to say so very often. It’s quite the group of writers gathered here!

I’m grateful to the women of this space for providing it — to me for two weeks, of course, but mostly to the folks who come by and read every day. There are very few places in this world in which some of these conversations can be held. I’m grateful that the doors of Feministe are open, the space available, and the dialogue on-going.

Please do come visit me at my rambly blog, Emily L. Hauser In My Head, where the topics range from abortion to good books, Israel/Palestine to heat waves, childhood and parenting to love and loss. Please also swing by Angry Black Lady Chronicles, where I crosspost regularly. Angry Black Lady and her roving band of Merry and Angry Bloggers tend to talk a lot about politics (when we’re not, you know, talking about other stuff). And if you’re on the Twitter, come see me there, too!

Thanks again, to one and all — and of course: Shabbat shalom!

I like boys. But also girls. But also boys.

I’ve been married to my husband for almost two years now. Mr. Shoshie is awesome and supportive and I love him very, very much. But sometimes I wish that we hadn’t gotten married so soon.

Well, actually, I wish that we hadn’t started dating so soon.

Let me back up.

I’ve liked girls pretty much as long as I’ve liked boys, meaning, about as long as I can remember liking anyone. I mean like liking anyone. But I didn’t come out as bisexual (well, actually pansexual) until I was 21 or so. I was never afraid of what my friends would say. I have wonderful, accepting parents who love me regardless of sexuality. I went to a fairly liberal high school and had a good number of queer friends. Then I went to a pretty queer friendly college. So it wasn’t really fear or concern that kept my mouth shut.

It was that…and, well, this is kind of embarrassing…it was that I really thought I was heterosexual until I was 21 or so. Being heterosexual was always presented as the default. Then, if I didn’t like boys, then I could be homosexual. Easy peasy. Like one of those flow diagrams.

Question 1. Do you like boys? If yes, then you are heterosexual. If no, then proceed to question 2.

Question 2. Do you like girls? If yes, then you are homosexual.

So, for the first 20-odd years of my life, I never got to question 2. I liked boys, so clearly I fit into the first category. Even though I had multiple crushes on girls. As many or more than I had on boys.

It took me a long time to learn how to date, being the wonderfully awkward person that I am. But, with some trial and error (OK, mostly lots of error), I figured out how to date boys. And it turned out that I actually got pretty good at it. But then, somewhere along the line (thank you, “But I’m a Cheerleader”!) I realized that oh, that attraction I had towards women? Well, just because I liked and wanted to date men didn’t mean that I couldn’t also like and date women.

Revolutionary, I know.

Of course, by the time I got this figured out, I was dating a couple guys simultaneously and was all sorts of confused because I was about to graduate college and start grad school and even though there were totally cute ladies who were flirting with me in the college coffee shop I felt so completely overwhelmed that I didn’t think I could really go on any more dates ’cause oops no time.

Then I moved cities. And, shortly thereafter, I started dating my now-husband. So at present, I’m a pansexual woman who has never even kissed another woman. Even though I love my husband so much I can’t even begin to describe it, I feel a bit of sadness sometimes. And anger when bisexual people are erased (I’m looking at you, Glee). I feel like something important has been stolen from me.

I feel like my sexuality is this weird, awkward thing that sits quietly in the corner until someone assumes that everyone there is straight, and then it has a big ol’ awkward party. It’s become a big question for me, whether or not to come out to people that I meet. Because, at this point, what difference does it make? What does it matter who I’m attracted to? Mr. Shoshie and I are monogamous, so I’m with one person for the foreseeable future. But then, sexuality does come up occasionally and then I feel weird because here’s this person that I’m friends with, that I’ve known for a year, who knows so much about me, but doesn’t know that I also like people who aren’t men. And who I find attractive shouldn’t be a big deal, but somehow it is anyways.

So I’m coming to you all, awesome Feministe readers. Are these my own special insecurities, or have any of you felt the same weird conflicting emotions? How have you dealt with it? How do you avoid getting your identity erased when it’s not readily apparent? Assuming a person is in a safe environment, do they have a responsibility to be open about their queer identity? What about for passing privilege, in general? I’ll be honest that, while I’ve thought a lot about these things, I haven’t done a ton of reading, so these thoughts are maybe a little too convoluted and undeveloped. But I’m really curious how you all have navigated these kinds of issues, so have at it.

It’s Ramadan. How ’bout those Muslim feminists?

In honor of Ramadan (which began this week), and the fact that I have but a little time left with the lovely folks of Feministe, I thought I would aim once again for the overlap in my life’s Venn Diagram.

To your right! The circle labelled “reads a lot of books.” To your left! The circle labelled “academic and professional obsession with matters Middle Eastern.” Up above! The circle labelled “thinks a lot about women’s issues.”

Boom! Right there in the middle, where you would find the book I blogged about on Tuesday, Teta, Mother and Me, you will also find this: Paradise Beneath Her Feet: How Women Are Transforming the Middle East, by Isobel Coleman, senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Affairs (which I first reviewed when it came out in 2009).

The public discourse among non-Muslims regarding the Muslim community tends to be shaped by stereotypes, possibly most powerfully when the conversation turns to Muslim women — they are hounded, we tend to think, and quite possibly cowering. The very real problems with which Muslim women grapple appear rooted in the nature of the religion, and, we assume, are thus powerfully immune to real change.

By way of counterargument, Paradise Beneath Her Feet presents an engrossing, seemingly counter-intuitive take on the question of women’s advancement in the Muslim world, showing that Islamic feminists are successfully arguing – from within the texts and traditions of their faith – that gross gender inequality flies in the face not just of the spirit of Islam, but also its laws.

Opening with a global examination of the dilatory consequences of gender discrimination – higher infant mortality, lower incomes, even lower agricultural output – Coleman then takes an exhaustive look at the “gender jihad” under way across Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and Indonesia (an indication, in fact, of the inaccuracy of the title — this is not so much “how women are transforming the Middle East” as it is “how women are transforming the Muslim world”). Over the years, the shape of the effort has changed, as Muslim feminists learn from the mistakes of the 20th century — efforts to impose change from above (anti-veiling laws, for instance) are now understood to have “sow[ed] the seeds for decades worth of Islamic backlash,” ultimately setting women back as they struggle to move forward.

Today, Coleman argues, those engaged in the jihad for Muslim women’s rights are trying to work “with the culture, rather than against it,” frequently succeeding where few thought it possible, as they attempt to build “a legitimate Islamic alternative to the current repressive system.” Her findings reflect the countless interviews she’s conducted, with activists who’ve been fighting for decades alongside those born in the meantime, as well as years of comprehensive research. She doesn’t attempt to paint a rosy picture — the challenges are real, and they are immense — but Coleman does present a convincing argument that Muslim feminists have the potential to shape the future of Islam.

********************

A few links for anyone looking for more on Islam:

1. The BBC has great background information on Islam (and all kinds of things, really!) on their website, covering all the bases in brief articles — here’s the one about veiling (hijab).

2. Muslims respond to extremism – a brief compendium that I put together, with links to more information if you want to go deeper.

3. A Gallup poll finds that Muslim Americans “are by far the least likely among all religious groups to justify targeting civilians, whether done by the military or by ‘an individual person or a small group of persons’.

4. A short list of Muslim American heroes that I compiled in response to the wave of Islamophobia that has swept the US in recent years.

5. To learn more about Ramadan, click on the links at the top of the post. They’ll bring you to the BBC & a great, brief video by The Guardian (check out the Indonesian drummers!).

Model behavior

It’s a story I’ve recounted as a humorous anecdote, but it’s certainly got an edge to it: During my harrowing tenure at a fashion publication that shall remain nameless–realistically, some devils actually wear as much J.Crew as anything else–I had the job of asking one of our stylists to book a few older models. We’d had a few surprisingly young business-chic models and mothers-of-the-bride, but the precipitating event was a story about smoothing bras, illustrated by models in their mid-teens who had neither back fat nor, frankly, breasts. The conversation went something like this:

ME. [Stylist], I need you to start booking some older models for some of our shoots.

STYLIST. Older? You mean, like, 25?

ME. …

STYLIST. Because their skin usually doesn’t photograph as well as the younger girls.

Which was the point at which I realized I was not merely old but ancient for the fashion industry.

Now that I’m no longer a slave to fashion in a nearly literal sense, I can look back on that and laugh. But it’s also a sign of the emphasis on youth in the industry: While the look is, for the most part, overt sexuality, the models themselves need to be damn near prepubescent to provide the breastless, hipless bodies that slide effortlessly into high-end designer clothes, and the clear, poreless skin that photographs to the satisfaction of editors and stylists. And that’s nothing that anyone with any level awareness hasn’t noticed.

This is a topic that’s already been discussed before, even on this hallowed blog, with the release of French Vogue’s December 2010 issue. It featured a truly creepy editorial spread of young models (not “young” as in “their skin photographs well”; “young” as in “no, you can’t bring your My Little Pony to the shoot”) dressed in grownup clothes and makeup and laid out as Cadeaux–“gifts”–for, one assumes, the reader.

Read More…Read More…

The War on Information

Anna Lekas Miller is a freelance writer and rabid feminist based in NYC.
Someone in my life (male) wrote to me, and told me that though he liked my language he questioned whether I truly meant to describe a lack of access to sexual health information as a “war” on women. He thought that it was too strong a word, and implied that I was lazy in my final choice of language. With all due respect to him, I wrote this response to let him know that I most certainly fucking do believe it is a war on women.

Things about me which please me (and even occasionally make me proud).

The other day I wrote about things I do of which I am ashamed.

This shame is based in my personal, and particular, experience with patriarchy and my understanding of feminism, and it’s real, but it’s dawned on me in the meantime that it might have been useful to note that I don’t exactly live my life soaked in shame or guilt. I have moments. The third and fourth things on the list plague me to a greater or lesser degree fairly regularly, but I don’t walk around in a morass of self-loathing. Mostly, on most days, I’m pretty ok with myself.

But if I think about it, expressing shame or guilt — while honest and I think even important (we can’t deal with something until we admit to ourselves that it’s a problem. Hello, daughter of the 12 Step Programs here!) — is hardly revolutionary. In fact, it’s kind of part-and-parcel of the Judeo-Christian (I cannot believe I just used that term) worldview, and — even more problematically — part-and-parcel of Western social norms and mores for women. We talk about what we’re doing wrong all the time, frankly.

What would be revolutionary, perhaps, would be to talk about what we do right.

This came to me yesterday after wandering around at Eat The Damn Cake, through the posts of ETDC blogger Kate & her guest blogger, Anna. Kate has a regular feature at the end of each post that she calls an “Unroast”; in each one, she expresses love for some part of her body or appearance. Recently this has included “Today I love the way I look in baggy shirts” and “Today I love my ankles. They’re an almost exact combination of my parents’ ankles,” both examples indicating a certain looseness and creativity to the idea which I love.

The attitude behind the Unroast (and, frankly, the attitude behind the blog’s name) leads me to visit Eat The Damn Cake frequently. I have even written in response to Kate’s work in the past, but yesterday, it was guest blogger Anna’s posts that really grabbed me.

Anna was veryvery pregnant as she wrote the posts in question, grappling with the reality of moving as a veryvery pregnant person through the world, and these are the two bits that made we want to go out in search of her to ask her to be my lawful wedded wife. The first is from We are already normal (a very pregnant post), the second from We owe it to little girls (emphasis Anna’s):

Women’s bodies. Want to know what normal is? Look around you. Working women. Mothers. Students. Friends. Teenagers. Grandmothers. We are normal already.

and:

Our attitudes influence more than just ourselves. If we’re going to change our body culture, we have to change our habits. Even those that are socially reinforced, even those that can be pleasant and bonding, as negative body talk so often can be.

And finally, we get to my point (which I swear, I have):

If I’m going to speak publicly about my feelings of shame, I should also choose to take the rather more revolutionary step of tooting my own horn. And thus, hereunder you will find a list of things about me in which I find pleasure, and even, occasionally, pride.

1. I have genuinely taken on-board the notion that if an article of clothing doesn’t work on my body, the problem is not my body, but the article of clothing. This seems small at first glance, but I think it’s actually kind of big. That moment, that moment when you stand in front of a mirror trying to take some piece of clothing (that you have been assured is gorgeous and all-the-rage) and make it look “right” on your own body and it’s.just.not.working — that moment is a moment of such deep intimacy with ourselves, a moment in which it is perilously easy to further swallow the lie that all bodies must look like one kind of body in order to be worthy, a moment in which it is so easy to get angry with our very flesh — it took me more than 40 years, but I have finally reached the point that when I start to hear those voices, I tell them to shut the fuck up, and I mean it. And I’m proud of myself, because it wasn’t easy.

2. I regularly contribute to the social dialogue about women’s rights, women’s bodies, and the fact that — given that we make up half the world — these are not “women’s issues” but human issues. In fact, there are days when I act like this is a job. I’m not particularly aggressive in my approach (often leading with versions of “I see why you’re saying that, but…”), but I am dogged. I write, I tweet, I confront, I question. I am part of the process by which society is undoing its assumptions about rape, women’s autonomy, our reproductive rights, and the essential human right of all people to make their own choices and live their lives precisely as who they are.

3. I am raising my children to be aware, thinking feminists. Our family talks all the time — at the dinner table, in the car, while watching TV — about how the world treats people, what society’s expectations are, and whether or not those expectations are fair or just or even reflective of the reality that we see around us — and the husband and I see the fruits of this labor all the time.

For instance #1: The girl recently complained that a very cool construction toy she’d gotten for her 8th birthday had no pictures of girls on the box, and when she found one on the instructions, she noted, with sarcasm positively dripping from her voice, that the model had built a princess crown “because all girls ever do are princess things.” For instance #2: The boy prepared this speech in honor of Martin Luther King last year for school (when he was all of 11), writing: “I have a dream that one day no one in this world will be able to push you down, regardless of any stereotypes. I have a dream that in all 50 states Muslim Boys and Muslim Girls and homosexual boys and homosexual girls and rich boys and rich girls and poor boys and poor girls and all of the boys and girls of America will join together and nothing in the world will be able to stop them.”

It matters that our girls and boys grow up to be feminist adults, but it also matters that they be feminist children. We need only look at schoolyard bullies to see the impact that children can have on people’s lives — loving, caring, egalitarian-minded children can help heal the world. And of course as their parents, it matters very deeply to us that the boy and the girl gain the tools they’ll need to shake off the world’s damaging messages. I am proud of the way that I am raising my children.

4. And finally, in the spirit of the Unroast: I love my hair. It’s long, of a vaguely once-was-blonde-now-is-brown color, streaked with bits of silver here and there and now that I’ve stopped using shampoos with Sodium Lauryl Sulfate has returned to the kind of softness and luster it had for almost all my life. It feels like a crown on my head, particularly when I wear it loose, and I love the way that makes me feel.

Welcome to the Dollhouse: Men and Beauty Products

Back when pretty much the only men wearing makeup were either rock lords or Boy George, I privately came up with the guideline that if any particular piece of grooming was something women generally performed while men generally didn’t, I could safely consider it “beauty work.” Nail polish and leg-shaving? Beauty work. Nail-trimming and hair-combing? Grooming. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a useful guide in helping me determine what parts of my morning routine I might want to examine with a particularly feminist—and mascaraed—eye.

That rule has begun to crumble. Americans spent $4.8 billion on men’s grooming products in 2009, doubling the figure from 1997, according to market research firm Euromonitor. Skin care—not including shaving materials—is one of the faster-growing segments of the market, growing 500% over the same period. It’s unclear how much of the market is color products (you know, makeup), but the appearance of little-known but stable men’s cosmetics companies like 4V00, KenMen, The Men Pen, and Menaji suggests that the presence is niche but growing. Since examining the beauty myth and questioning beauty work has been such an essential part of feminism, these numbers raise the question: What is the increase in men’s grooming products saying about how our culture views men?

The flashier subset of these products—color cosmetics—has received some feminist attention. Both Naomi Wolf of The Beauty Myth fame and Feministe’s own Jill Filipovic were quoted in this Style List piece on the high-fashion trend of men exploring feminine appearance, complete with an arresting photo of a bewigged, stilettoed Marc Jacobs on the cover of Industrie. Both Wolf and Filipovic astutely indicate that the shift may signal a loosening of gender roles: “I love it, it is all good,” said Wolf. “It’s all about play…and play is almost always good for gender politics.” Filipovic adds, “I think gender-bending in fashion is great, and I hope it’s more than a flash-in-the-pan trend.”

Yet however much I’d like to sign on with these two writers and thinkers whose work I’ve admired for years, I’m resistant. I’m wary of men’s beauty products being heralded as a means of gender subversion for two major reasons: 1) I don’t think that men’s cosmetics use in the aggregate is actually any sort of statement on or attempt at gender play; rather, it’s a repackaging and reinforcement of conventional masculinity, and 2) warmly welcoming (well, re-welcoming, as we’ll see) men into the arena where they’ll be judged for their appearance efforts is a victory for nobody—except the companies doing the product shill.

Let’s look at the first concern: It’s not like the men mentioned in this article are your run-of-the-mill dudes; they’re specific people with a specific cultural capital. (Which is what I think Wolf and Filipovic were responding to, incidentally, not some larger movement.) Men might be buying more lotion than they did a decade ago, but outside of the occasional attempt at zit-covering through tinted Clearasil, I’ve seen very few men wearing color cosmetics who were not a part of a subculture with a history of gender play. Outside that realm, the men who are wearing bona fide makeup, for the most part, seem to be the type described in this New York Times article: the dude’s dude who just wants to do something about those undereye circles, not someone who’s eager to swipe a girlfriend’s lipstick case unless it’s haze week on fraternity row.

“Men use cosmetic products in order to cover up or correct imperfections, not to enhance beauty,” said Marek Hewryk, founder of men’s cosmetics line 4V00. Sound familiar, ladies? The idea of correcting yourself instead of enhancing? Male cosmetic behavior seems more like the pursuit of “relief from self-dissatisfaction” that drives makeup use among women rather than a space that encourages a gender-role shakeup. Outside of that handful of men who are publicly experimenting with gender play—which I do think is good for all of us—the uptick in men’s cosmetics doesn’t signify any more of a cultural shift than David Bowie’s lightning bolts did on the cover of Aladdin Sane.

Subcultures can worm their way into the mainstream, of course, but the direction I see men’s products taking is less along the lines of subversive gender play and more along the lines of products that promise a hypermasculinity (think Axe or the unfortunately named FaceLube), or a sort of updated version of the “metrosexual” epitomized by Hugh Laurie’s endorsement of L’Oréal.

The ads themselves have yet to be released, but the popular video showing the prep for the ad’s photo shoot reveals what L’Oréal is aiming for by choosing the rangy Englishman as its new spokesperson (joining Gerard Butler, who certainly falls under the hypermasculine category). He appears both stymied and lackadaisically controlling while he answers questions from an offscreen interviewer as a young woman gives him a manicure. “That’s an interesting question to pose—’because you’re worth it,’” he says about the company’s tagline. “We’re all of us struggling with the idea that we’re worth something. What are we worth?” he says. Which, I mean, yay! Talking about self-worth! Rock on, Dr. House! But in actuality, the message teeters on mockery: The quirky, chirpy background music lends the entire video a winking edge of self-ridicule. When he’s joking with the manicurist, it seems in sync; when he starts talking about self-worth one has to wonder if L’Oréal is cleverly mocking the ways we’ve come to associate cosmetics use with self-worth, even as it benefits from that association through its slogan. “Because you’re worth it” has a different meaning when directed to women—for whom the self-care of beauty work is frequently dwarfed by the insecurities it invites—than when directed to men, for whom the slogan may seem a reinforcement of identity, not a glib self-esteem boost. The entire campaign relies upon a jocular take on masculinity. Without the understanding that men don’t “really” need this stuff, the ad falls flat.

We often joke about how men showing their “feminine side” signals a security in their masculine role—which it does. But that masculinity is often also assured by class privilege. Hugh Laurie and Gerard Butler can use stuff originally developed for the ladies because they’ve transcended the working-class world where heteronormativity is, well, normative; they can still demand respect even with a manicure. Your average construction worker, or even IT guy, doesn’t have that luxury. It’s also not a coincidence that both are British while the campaigns are aimed at Americans. The “gay or British?” line shows that Americans tend to see British men as being able to occupy a slightly feminized space, even as we recognize their masculinity, making them perfect candidates for telling men to start exfoliating already. L’Oréal is selling a distinctive space to men who might be worried about their class status: They’re not “metrosexualized” (Hugh Laurie?), but neither are they working-class heroes. And if numbers are any indication, the company’s reliance upon masculine tropes is a thriving success: L’Oréal posted a 5% sales increase in the first half of 2011.

Still, I don’t want to discount the possibility that this shift might enable men to explore the joys of a full palette. L’Oréal’s vaguely cynical ads aside, if Joe Six-Pack can be induced to paint his fingernails and experience the pleasures of self-ornamentation, everyone wins, right?

Well—not exactly. In the past, men have experienced a degree of personal liberalization and freedom through the eradication of—not the promotion of—the peacocking self-display of the aristocracy. With what fashion historians call “the great masculine renunciation” of the 19th century, Western men’s self-presentation changed dramatically. In a relatively short period, men went from sporting lacy cuffs, rouged cheeks, and high-heeled shoes to the sober suits and hairstyles that weren’t seriously challenged until the 1960s (and that haven’t really changed much even today). The great masculine renunciation was an effort to display democratic ideals: By having men across classes adopt simpler, humbler clothes that could be mimicked more easily than lace collars by poor men, populist leaders could physically demonstrate their brotherhood-of-man ideals.

Whether or not the great masculine renunciation achieved its goal is questionable (witness the 20th-century development of terms like white-collar and blue-collar, which indicate that we’d merely learned different ways to judge men’s class via appearance). But what it did do was take a giant step toward eradicating the 19th-century equivalent of the beauty myth for men. At its best, the movement liberated men from the shackles of aristocratic peacocking so that their energies could be better spent in the rapidly developing business world, where their efforts, not their lineage, were rewarded. Today we’re quick to see a plethora of appearance choices as a sign of individual freedom—and, to be sure, it can be. But it’s also far from a neutral freedom, and it’s a freedom that comes with a cost. By reducing the amount of appearance options available to men, the great masculine renunciation also reduced both the burden of choice and the judgments one faces when one’s efforts fall short of the ideal.

Regardless of the success of the renunciation, it’s not hard to see how men flashing their cash on their bodies serves as a handy class marker; indeed, it’s the very backbone of conspicuous consumption. And it’s happening already in the playground of men’s cosmetics: The men publicly modeling the “individual freedom” of makeup—while supposedly subverting beauty and gender ideals—already enjoy a certain class privilege. While James Franco has an easygoing rebellion that wouldn’t get him kicked out of the he-man bars on my block in Queens, his conceptual-artist persona grants him access to a cultural cachet that’s barred to the median man. (Certainly not all makeup-wearing men enjoy such privilege, as many a tale from a transgender person will reveal, but the kind of man who is posited as a potential challenge to gender ideals by being both the typical “man’s man” and a makeup wearer does have a relative amount of privilege.)

Of course, it wasn’t just men who were affected by the great masculine renunciation. When men stripped down from lace cuffs to business suits, the household responsibility for conspicuous consumption fell to women. The showiness of the original “trophy wives” inflated in direct proportion to the newly conservative dress style of their husbands, whose somber clothes let the world know they were serious men of import, not one of those dandy fops who trounced about in fashionable wares—leave that to the ladies, thanks. It’s easy, then, to view the return of men’s bodily conspicuous consumption as the end of an era in which women were consigned to this particular consumerist ghetto—welcome to the dollhouse, boys. But much as we’d like to think that re-opening the doors of playful, showy fashions to men could serve as a liberation for them—and, eventually, for women—we may wish to be hesitant to rush into it with open arms. The benefits of relaxed gender roles indicated by men’s cosmetics could easily be trumped by the expansion of beauty work’s traditional role of signaling one’s social status. The more we expand the beauty toolkit of men, the more they too will be judged on their compliance to both class markers and the beauty standard. We’re all working to see how women can be relieved of the added burden of beauty labor—the “third shift,” if you will—but getting men to play along isn’t the answer.

The Beauty Myth gave voice to the unease so many women feel about that situation—but at its heart it wasn’t about women at all. It was about power. And this is why I’m hesitant to herald men spending more time, effort, and energy on their appearance as any sort of victory for women or men, even as I think that rigid gender roles—boys wear blue, girls wear makeup—isn’t a comfortable place for anyone. For the very idea of the beauty myth was that restrictions placed upon women’s appearance became only more stringent (while, at the same time, appealing to the newly liberated woman’s idea of “choice”) in reaction to women’s growing power. I can’t help but wonder what this means for men in a time when we’re still recoiling from a recession in which men disproportionately suffered job losses, and in which the changes prompted in large part by feminism are allowing men a different public and private role. It’s a positive change, just as feminism itself was clearly positive for women—yet the backlash of the beauty myth solidified to counter women’s gains.

As a group, men’s power is hardly shrinking, but it is shifting—and if entertainment like Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and the Apatow canon are any indication, that dynamic is being examined in ways it hasn’t been before. As our mothers may know even better than us, one way our culture harnesses anxiety-inducing questions of gender identity is to offer us easy, packaged solutions that simultaneously affirm and undermine the questions we’re asking ourselves. If “hope in a jar” doesn’t cut it for women, we can’t repackage it to men and just claim that hope is for the best.