Says… this guy. Why is it different? Because men cheat for sex. Women cheat for True Love. Obvs.
But let’s start at the beginning:
In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.
Even truer! This is a true fact — ladies who mess around damage their relationships more than men who mess around. How do I know that this is a true fact? Because Sexuality Expert Ian Kerner tells me, with absolutely no evidence to back it up. Definitely true, though.
In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.
He’s noticed, you see, and what he’s noticed is incredibly precipitous. Which is totally fair and a really great way to prove a point. I mean, I’ve noticed that over the past few years, my friends and I have dated a lot of very pretty men, and that the relationships at some point become unsustainable. Therefore, I think it is fair to conclude that very pretty men make relationships unsustainable; so while female attractiveness can definitely be harmful, male attractiveness is often the death knell to a couple’s relationship. PROVE ME WRONG.
It’s often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.
I mean, duh. Penises have, as they say, “minds of their own.” Whereas women’s minds are just so weird, right guys? LOL, who even knows what women are thinking like ever? Because PMS. You know what I’m talking about. And as an actual woman myself, I can tell you that there’s, like, a really cute and romantic cobblestone pathway between the heart and the vagina, and it’s basically physically impossible for a woman to let you try to make a baby with her unless her heart engorges her clitoris with love. LOVE. Otherwise that shit just locks up like a vise and not even in the fun way. So yeah, Ian Kerner, totally speaking to my own personal experiences here.
He goes on to say that men cheat because they’re in “the wrong place at the wrong time” — aka WITH FLOOZIES — and that men who cheat often say that they have satisfying sex lives and want to stay in their relationships. So if you’re a lady who doesn’t want your dude to stray, it’s a good idea to just keep him away from floozies. Which is pretty easy, since floozies are easily-identifiable by their short red dresses and suggestive MySpace pages. Also they are the only women who actually like sex. (The only other explanation for this contention that “men don’t want to leave their relationships and are totally satisfied with their sex lives” is that men who cheat on their wives may be huge fucking liars who might not tell their therapist the absolute truth, and also may be narcissists who don’t want their wives to leave them. But that seems a little far-fetched, right? Probably just totally normal, happily-married men who tripped on a stripper heel and fell into some floozy’s vagina).
But if you’re a dude and you don’t want your lady to cheat, the best option is to keep her inside and limit her financial independence:
While there aren’t any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it’s on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.
With so many women in the workplace. How many? So many!
But wait, you said that way more men than women cheat with people they met at work? Like, more than half of men who cheat do it with someone they work with and therefore know and therefore probably are not just randomly fucking at a bar because they’re bored and in the wrong place at the wrong time and you know how men are and a penis is as penis does or whatever? Oh.
Man, look at the problems we have with so many men in the workplace these days. Someone should write about that.
(Thanks, Kate, for the link).