October 2005 – Page 11

Jesus On The Dashboard

Below, when I posted on the dashboard Jesus I absolutelymusthave, Julia asked,

Wasn’t there a song a few years ago where the Jesus on the dashboard was really a flask?

I don’t know whether or not it was a flask, but that would make a lot of sense. One of my favorite guilty pleasure bands is a metal outfit that bridges the span between jam rock, metal, hard rock, and stoner rock, all the while managing to at least seem a bit intelligent and intertextual in their lyrics and riffs. And yes, they’re just a tiny bit catchy. And a tiny bit X-Files.

Clutch‘s song, Spacegrass, indeed has a lyric that very plainly says “Jesus on the dashboard,” in a song about being drunk and high on a country drive that feels vaguely spiritual. But you can’t stop at that lame description. Listen for yourself.

These three songs should be listened to in order. Keep in mind this CD came out in 1995.

Clutch – Rock n’ Roll Outlaw
Clutch – Escape From the Prison Planet
Clutch – Spacegrass

UPDATE It appears Julia was looking for a different song, but since I went ahead and posted on blasphemous Jesus songs, I figure I’ll offer a few more.

Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon – Plastic Jesus
Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper – Jesus at McDonald’s at Midnight
Drive-By Truckers – Too Much Sex (Too Little Jesus)
Tom Waits – Chocolate Jesus
Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus (acoustic)
Jack Johnson and Mason Jennings – Plastic Jesus (Nothing’s Sacred Anymore)

The first two songs on the update list may be improperly labeled — somebody let me know.

Lumpy

It is absolutely impossible to get a decent picture of Doug. He’s either darting around like he has rabies or his white fur reflects the camera flash and he glows like Jesus’ halo. This picture would have been close to his actual color and shape, but goddammit, it came out blurry so you can’t see his fat rolls.

Doug, bless his little, rabid heart, is the least graceful cat ever.

Stopping Short of a Gay Ban

The Vatican is in the midst of drafting a document on gay clergy: if there is proof of chaste life for at least three years, gay men may be eligible. What determiner are they going to use? A sniff test?

The document, in the works for at least three years, updates Vatican policy, which had held that gays or men with homosexual tendencies should not be ordained, regardless of whether they can remain celibate.

The new document permits candidates who have lived a chaste life for at least three years before their admission to a seminary, said the senior official, who requested anonymity because the document has not yet been released.

The official confirmed a report in leading Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera on Friday listing the reasons for not admitting gay candidates, which include men who publicly show their homosexuality and those who reveal an attraction to what the document described as the gay lifestyle.

Apparently part of their decision is based on the “ambiguity” of the term “homosexual.” I get it, I guess, but I’m still waiting for a definition of “gay lifestyle.” I am fairly sure it has everything to do with lip synching.

UPDATE Great commentary at Rhetorically Speaking:

To put it another way, it’s hard to ‘love the sinner and hate the sin’ if you’re admitting that there may be no real separation between the two.

Yet Another One Of Those Things I Must Have

I’d really like it on my desk at school. Nothing starts a conversation like a vengeful unicorn.

Something about this is very appealing.

via Rawr

UPDATE See here for blasphemous Jesus songs.

Swallow Whatever You’re Drinking

Seriously.

via Bloodless Coup

Ensler and I

I love it when people assume that I heart Eve Ensler because of the name atop the blog. I read the book and saw the play. Some say it’s powerful. Eh.

So while I’m down with the nation-wide charity performances held every Valentine’s Day, I quite prefer a different look at the beav.

Friday Random Ten, 2nd Ed.

Lauren is still cooler than me. But week after week, I suck it up and let my uncool dad-music show:

Janis Joplin – Summertime
Neil Young – Sugar Mountain
Red Hot Chili Peppers – This Is The Place
John Legend – Refuge (When It’s Cold Outside)
Puff Daddy and the Family – It’s All About the Bejamins (remix)
Ben Lee – Catch My Disease
Bikini Kill – Rebel Girl
Indigo Girls – Gone Again
The Fugees – Fu-Gee-La
Rolling Stones – Let’s Spend the Night Together

Linguistic Humor for Liberals

Language Log:

Suddenly everyone is a linguist. The latest to join the parade is Ann Coulter. In her 10/5/2005 column, “This is what ‘Advice and Consent’ Means“, she offers the most creative socio-syntactic theory that I’ve encountered since Derek Bickerton suggested that our hominid ancestors developed language in order to scavenge dead elephants.

That paragraph had me laughing out loud.

I Build Things.

Moment of pride: Today, I built a bed:

bed

I am not what you would call either “domestic” or “handy,” so this is a proud moment.

This also means that I’m no longer sleeping on a mattress on the floor. It’s a good thing. The bed looks a little messy, and the pillows used to be white until I washed them in warm water with the red sheets, but like I said, not domestic. At least they’re a pretty color pink…

Over the past month, I have also built some drawers:

drawers

And a desk:

desk
(excuse the mess).

And by “built,” I mean “purchased in pieces and screwed together.” But still. Applause, please.

In other news, I’m having serious computer issues. Word to the wise: Do not allow NYU ITS to touch your computer, they will break it. My computer randomly shuts down, then tells me I had a massive system meltdown. Tonight, the screen started flashing on and off, and now the mouse pad barely works. Lemme tell ya, it’s a huge pain in the ass. So there’s a good chance that it will break further, and I won’t be able to post. If I’m absent all weekend, that’s why. If any of you are good at fixing computers (I think there’s something wrong with the wiring; it’s making a weird noise, and I think it’s shorting out or something) and want to fix mine, let me know. Or if there are any Dell representatives reading this and would like to replace my machine for free, I would be happy to accept that offer.

Captain Destructo, Old School

You can tell the children to put their toys away, but they don’t listen until something like this happens.

After I showed Ethan what happened to his precious Lego gas station, he is adamant about putting his stuff away. What I didn’t tell him was that Mama didn’t stop Doug from killing the gas station, she ran to get the camera so she could post pictures to her blog.

Heartless, selfish Mama.