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What do conservatives spend their time thinking about?

Jill

Amanda sends on this post, which provides Conservapedia’s most-viewed articles list:

1. Main Page‎ [1,897,388]
2. Homosexuality‎ [1,488,013]
3. Homosexuality and Hepatitis‎ [516,193]
4. Homosexuality and Promiscuity‎ [416,767]
5. Homosexuality and Parasites‎ [387,438]
6. Homosexuality and Gonorrhea‎ [328,045]
7. Homosexuality and Domestic Violence‎ [325,547]
8. Gay Bowel Syndrome‎ [314,076]
9. Homosexuality and Syphilis‎ [262,015]
10. Homosexuality and Mental Health‎ [249,14]

And just when I thought I couldn’t laugh any harder, I find this gem in the comments:

I don’t want to stand in denial of equal rights and all of that PC stuff but then again I do object to enrolling my five year old in the gay straight alliance. If you are going to promote something as beneficial to all of mankind than you best not attempt to shove it up my ass like it or not. That kind of thing sort of like, well, breeds contempt and reactionary behaviors.

And here I thought shoving things up my ass would breed Gay Bowel Syndrome,* not contempt and reactionary behaviors. If only my mandatory pre-school GSA had set me straight!

28 thoughts on What do conservatives spend their time thinking about?

  2. Closet cases. All of them. Someone should do a study.

    Eh, I don’t know if it’s that so much (although I’m sure there are more than a few). I think it’s more that they can’t go five minutes without sticking their noses in someone else’s sex life, and the idea that other people might be having good fun sex without guilt or shame really freaks them out. Notice how almost all the links are about something bad happening as a result of Teh Gay Sex? (Things that apparently don’t happen to the legions of straight folks who have anal sex, at least not if they’re married?). They have to convince themselves that there’s divine retribution for being gay, and that they’re further justified in leveling even more punishment when and where they can.

  4. I think it’s more that they can’t go five minutes without sticking their noses in someone else’s sex life, and the idea that other people might be having good fun sex without guilt or shame really freaks them out.

    How many government hours/dollars are spent soothing these types, whether they be self-denying closet cases or sick faux-prudes?

    Think about it. And weep.

  5. Did you ever see the list of the most viewed wiki pages?

    Interestingly, when I do it, it takes me to the German wiki site, where “sex” is #15, just above Luciano Pavaroti (#17). Deutschland beats them both at #8. Penis is 29 and vagina is 47. There are at least three references to Harry Potter in the top 100.

  6. In my lifetime, I hope to see words like feminism, patriarchy and objectification in the top 100, but I’m not holding my breath for it just yet…

    It’s hardly surprising that they seem to only associate STIs and other health conditions that may happen due to sex with Teh Ghey because they don’t exactly learn much from abstinence-only education. It’s probably only through anti-gay campaining that they even learn about sex at all. 😉

    But seriously, if you believed God was going to punish someone for a sin, wouldn’t the obious thing to do be to leave the sinners well alone and y’know let God do the punishing. That way, you dont’ get your hands dirty or sin yourself by treating people as less than human…Oh, right, fundies usually have a can-break-all-the-supposed-rules-if-it’s-supposedly-in-the-name-o’-God- and-get-out-of-jail-free’ card…how convenient.

  8. I’m pretty sure this isn’t legitimate. Someone wrote a blog about this somewhere. I can’t remember where to find it. Basically, it seems kind of improbable that almost as many people visit the homosexuality page as the main page, and a lot of the articles are stubs. Also, articles that one would think would be pretty popular (abortion, evolution) don’t make the top ten.

    Can anybody find that?

    Still, this would be pretty great if turns out to be true, I guess.

  9. Well… I just clicked the link over the Conservapedia (which is a legitimate and serious enterprise, believe it or not) and their own stat counter lists the same things that this post does. So if it’s illegitimate, it’s something wrong on their end, not liberals trying to make them look bad.

  10. Did you ever see the list of the most viewed wiki pages?

    I don’t think I even want to know why the 5th most-viewed page is Jon-Benet Ramsay. Ew.

  11. Consulting Wikipedia (!!) has led me to this. I guess that says more or less the same thing… So, yes, click-bots or something? I wasn’t saying that this didn’t have any basis in reality or whatever. I just didn’t think conservatives were that (comparatively) obsessed with homosexuality. Sorry about that.

  13. Amazing this technology, this is the closet thing to cracking their heads open and interviewing the rats inside.

  14. Conservapedia is an interesting read, if you like screaming “That’s not even wrong!” at the monitor, or just maybe having a laugh with some friends.

    That so much religious ideology is tied up into politics is pretty frightening to me, though. Especially religious ideology that was grafted onto the religion itself to legitimize hating those things.

  15. i dunno about closet (you can keep ’em thank YOU), but they do seem rather ummmm anally fixated, on the whole, do they not?

    i guess it makes sense if one’s head is that in such close proximity; still n all

  17. Gay bowel syndrome???? Do I even want to know?

    Not if you’ve eaten recently. It’s the invention of those folks who claim that gay men are disease-ravaged revenants doomed to die before 40.

  18. I’d also heard that these statistics may have been the result of a “click bot” attack. You can write a program that automates clicking on hyperlinks, thereby boosting the site traffic and making look like lots of people clicked on something. I wouldn’t be surprised if this were the case.

    Click fraud has been getting a lot of talk these days, since some people developed scams where they started a Web site, solicited advertising, then ran click bots to click on the ads, and getting more money from advertisers fraudulently.

  19. Gay bowel syndrome is actually a medical condition, but it’s not a term that’s used anymore (by actual thinking clinicians, anyway) and many of its manifestations turned out to be related to HIV.

  20. Yes, the statistics are fake. It’s not clear whether they’ve been externally manipulated or whether the author of the homosexuality articles (who is apparently a moderator and likes his articles on top) screwed with the stats.

    However, someone on Crooked Timber pointed out that the fact remains that all those articles on “Homosexuality and [disease x]” do exist, meaning the statistics are fake but more or less accurate. A casual examination of the talk pages (which can be a lot of fun!) on Conservapedia will also provide ample anecdotal evidence of said fixation.

  21. The results on the Wikipedia charts didn’t surprise me alot (I expected worse).
    Although, I’ve been briefly puzzled by the position of the “C programming language” article (21st). Until I realized that, since it’s not really easy to search about this language using a search engine, Wikipedia can be a good way to find informations about it (plus, Wikipedia article concerning programming are generally good). Yet, I’m still a bit astonished to find it ahead of, say, “Batman” for example. Or “Sex”, to get back on topic.

  23. I think Gay Bowel Syndrome is when you fart rainbows.
    Examples of bias in Wikipedia is always good for a laugh. I especially like the bit where it claims that 60% of Americans believe in Noah’s flood (which Wikipedia lists under deluge mythology, to their chagrin), and then a few paragraphs later claims that truth is not a democracy.

  26. Uh oh, I might have contributed to this…. my entire (very liberal) family amused ourselves for a good hour on Conservapedia last week (ah, Thanksgiving… this is what you do if you’re not into football) and we did go to the “homosexuality” page because we thought it would be one of the funniest. It was. The “atheism” page was up there, too. I didn’t look at the “gay bowel syndrome” page, though… if only I’d known it was there!

  27. if you’re looking for a good laugh, read the first sentence for the conservipedia article on “ronald regan”

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