Here’s a beautiful example of male college students who think that being offensive is the same thing as being funny: The Sentinal “humor” piece “Mock of Love.” It’s a set of “spoof” suggestions for the second season of the VH1 Bret Michaels dating show Rock of Love. The irony is that if you’ve ever watched Rock of Love (you won’t admit to it, so I’ll do it for you), you’ll know that no one could mock the show better than its mere existence does. The jokes write themselves — including the incredibly misogynist ones.
Now, I can’t say that we should expect much from a publication whose poll in the sidebar looks like this (the options are bad enough, but what people actually chose is even worse). But Antonio Ciaccia takes things to a whole new level of douchery, managing to insult everyone on pretty much the most vile terms possible, and miserably failing to actually be funny.
Ciaccia assumes that making fun of normal women and calling them whores just doesn’t cut it in the humor department, anymore. So he decides to suggest female celebrities who could be on the show and call them whores!
The first of his “cuntidates” (yes, that is his “word” — funny already, huh?) is Lindsay Lohan:
No-brainer here. Lindsay is a perfect fit for the show. Coke, booze, attitude, baggage, herpes.
Then, Nancy Grace:
Her constant bitching and nagging is all Bret needs to keep him on the straight and narrow. And not only will Nancy entertain Bret as his new bitchy dominatrix, but she will undoubtedly entertain us as she takes the other bitches to task for being dirty whores.
Hillary Clinton, of course:
To be honest, Hillary might be the total package for Bret. She’s got fame, fortune, and after years of being with Slick Willy, she’ll be able to handle Bret’s eternal appetite for cocaine and strippers. Being Bret’s girlfriend takes thick skin, and judging by the size of her ass, Hillary’s got thickness covered.
Oprah, because what good is misogyny if you don’t have any racism to back it up?
Sticking with fat bitches, that brings us to Oprah. Sure, she may not be a perfect fit for Bret, but who cares? Having Oprah on the show is more of a utilitarian selection. After all, including Oprah on the project ensures that millions of dumb, lonely broads will tune in every week. Plus, adding Oprah helps the show to meet its minority quota so Jesse Jackson doesn’t have a black attack (like a heart attack, only blacker).
In the same vein, Jennifer Lopez:
After years of Hispanic women cleaning up his trashed hotel rooms, Bret could be ready to have one clean up his heart. Jennifer Lopez is always looking for more fans, and she’s one of the best at providing multiple personas for multiple demographics to embrace. A flip of the channel can take you from the fashionable, well-spoken Jennifer Lopez to the Puerto Rico representin’, street J-Lo whose pronunciation of the letter “r” sounds more like five-minute machine gun shooting spree.
And lastly, Scarlett Johansson:
She has slept with every celebrity she can get her hands on – from Derek Jeter to Benicio Del Toro, Scarlett has proven that she’ll do whatever and WHOever it takes to make it big – and Bret Michaels is no exception. As far as “Rock of Love” girls go, Scarlett would serve as a good moral compass for the rest of the contestants. She may sleep around and reject the concept of monogamy, but when it comes to her love hole, she’s totally clean. According to Scarlett, she gets tested for HIV twice a year.
I quote so extensively, despite how painful it is, because I honestly cannot remember when I last saw so many hateful slurs compiled in one place. But, then again, I also avoid message boards for a reason. In any case, the quoted statements are truncated, and no, the parts I left out are not any better.
The thing is, the article makes absolutely no sense. Out of six women, at least three are married and one is in a very serious, long-term relationship, and it goes without saying that they’re all far too famous and/or sane to be involved in such a ridiculous show or with Bret Michaels. Nope, Ciaccia just felt like calling some women sluts — rich and/or powerful women, by the way — and so he pounced on the first really bad excuse that he could find.
Maybe it’s just me, but I always find the bizarre but possible to be funnier than the outrageously improbable. But then again, Ciaccia clearly doesn’t understand humor. In addition to this piece being spectacularly offensive, I really haven’t got the slightest clue what anyone would find to be funny about “stupid fat ugly cunt bitches are nasty ho sluts especially when they’re not white.” Maybe someone can clue me in, but I somehow don’t think that it has anything to do with feminists being “humorless.” Seriously, is this what asshole men think is funny?
It seems to me that Ciaccia is one of those privileged jackasses with the inexplicable “women won’t sleep with me so they must be sluts” complex. The good news, of course, is that any woman who Googles his name knows to run in the opposite direction. The bad news is that not every woman Googles a man’s name before going out with him.
Hat tip to Donna for finding the article. She points out more objectionable content in The Sentinal, which is an independent paper for Ohio State University, asks why the school allows this hate-speech filled crap to be distributed all over campus, and how current students and alumni feel about it. I have to say that I’d be interested in an answer, myself. Everyone, including these idiots, has a right to free speech. There is absolutely no reason why this paper should not be able to be printed and distributed wherever they are legally allowed. But universities also have the right (and many would argue a responsibility) to make sure that hate is not spread on their property and to make sure that students feel safe.
So, students of Ohio State, Feministe is a big blog and I’m sure that there’s at least a few of you out there. I’m giving you a platform. The same goes for everyone (who is not going to use the opportunity to tell us why misogyny and racism are okay), future, past and present college students, and anyone else who likes to ponder the hypothetical. How would you feel about having this on your campus, sitting in the buildings where you go to class? And would you either expect or want your university to do anything about it?