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The Human Body is a Strange Thing

I went to my friend Lori’s house yesterday to sit around and watch crap TV. We watched a bunch of reality shows and shows about reality shows, drank a couple of glasses of wine and ate some homemade chili. Some other people stopped by and we all watched “Bullworth” together, lamenting the lack of honesty in contemporary politics. None of us felt very well, but it being a free night for me with the little one at his dad’s, I had big plans for the evening – go home, clean up the house, take a proper shower, and call some friends for a nice, chill night of board games.

And then I woke up. It was dark and I thought for a moment that I was in my own bed. Then I realized I was laying flat on Lori’s futon. What time is it? I checked my phone and it was 4am. What the hell had happened? When I called Lori to try and figure things out, she answered her phone upstairs in bed. She too had passed out before midnight.

I got my stuff together and drove the two blocks home, feeling progressively more ill the whole way home, pissed off that I had wasted a perfectly good Friday night sleeping on someone’s crappy futon. My head pounded and my stomach churned. Once I got inside I ran for the bathroom and threw up for the next two hours.

I finally crawled into bed at seven, fell asleep at eight, and woke up at eleven feeling ab-so-lutely fantastic!

My eyes don’t hurt, my knee feels better, the headaches are gone, and I’ve accomplished more today than I have all week. If all I have to do to feel like a healthy human being is sleep on that stupid futon and have a two-hour vomit session, bring it on.

I haven’t felt this well in weeks.


3 thoughts on The Human Body is a Strange Thing

  1. Sounds like you had a stomach bug. It’s been going around here for months–I had it, too. You barf or have diarrehha, and then for a lot of people, when it’s over you’re fine.

  2. i don’t think the magic of the futon will work more than once. evil evil ass killing futon, that of course i spent all day on yesterday. Can we burn it when i get a new couch? a happy little futon bonfire?

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