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Quick Hit: Debt-free, un-tatted virgins

Caperton

I wouldn’t normally do this. I wouldn’t normally draw attention to the little-trafficked blog of some fundamentalist Christian mom who just wants to teach the world to walk in truth, and I implore you all not to travel over and start shit in her comments section. That said, any time I see a headline that I’m absolutely certain is from the Reductress, but then it isn’t, my only reaction can be an OH MY GOD, Y’ALL, LOOK AT THIS that can be heard across the whole Internet.

Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos

It’s just so specific.

Do you know how much more attractive debt-free virgins (without tattoos) are to young men? Unfortunately, there are so few of these types of young women anymore because of the high costs of college (debt) and sexual promiscuity even within those in the church. As believers in Jesus Christ, we need to live in a way that is pleasing to Him because His ways are the best. He calls debt a burden and urges us to live lives of sexual purity.

Here’s why a college education kills a good Christian boy’s holy boner:

1. She’ll amass college debt. (“That isn’t right to bring into a marriage.”)

2. She’ll have to work to pay off her debt and use her degree instead of making babies.

3. She’ll learn bad behavior that her husband will have to spend years training out of her. (“Sadly, most young Christian women wouldn’t listen to their husbands since they’ve not been taught to live in submission to their husbands.”)

4. She’ll miss her baby window. (“I will never understand how women prefer careers over having precious babies.”)

5. She won’t learn how to do lady-tasks like cooking and gardening. (“Young women learn nothing about biblical womanhood or what it takes to run a home when they go to college.”)

5. And she’ll basically just be a horrible person. “It’s far from what God calls women to be and do: it teaches them to be independent, loud, and immodest instead of having meek and quiet spirits.”

(She doesn’t specify why tattoos are such abominations, but I’m assuming they just naturally appear after a woman leaves the Biblical protection of her father’s house.)

Obviously, I’m such a lost cause that The Boy hasn’t even bothered trying to reeducate me. Now I’ll never be able to have the kids I already have no intention of having.

Again: Please do not try to start something with this woman who is hardly the Ann Coulter of Christian anti-feminists. (And boy howdy, does she hate her some feminism.) Just marvel at this very, very specific list of reasons you’re going to die single, or just married to your female partner without a man to teach you the correct way to act.

4 thoughts on Quick Hit: Debt-free, un-tatted virgins

  1. Judging from what I’ve seen, lots of men REALLY like tattoos. I only have one hidden- in my neighborhood that is less than none!
    Questions-
    1. So, unless she becomes a surrogate, she’s not likely to bring much money IN either- I guess the man and/or the lord provides?
    2. If she hasn’t learned cooking and gardening by the time she gets married, when will she?
    May not be this sharpest tool in the shed, is what I’m saying.
    3. I learned most of my bad behavior in high school, and just perfected it in college. Don’t most people?
    4. College doesn’t stop you from getting pregnant. I knew lots of women who got pregnant in college. High school, too, come to think of it. So what’s the problem?
    5. I’m pretty sure I was independent, loud, and immodest from birth or shortly after. Was I doomed from the beginning?
    —Is she the most boring person ever?—

  2. > —Is she the most boring person ever?—

    I believe that is the goal they’re going for, yes.

    Imagine if she was interesting. How could you ever expect to keep her?

    You’d have to become interesting yourself; perish the thought.

  3. This old heathen adores debt-free untatted men. But not Christians, puh-leeze.

    My dear departed daddy told me in my teen years that Christian men are all gay. This alone might explain their rationale for keeping women barefoot, pregnant, and housebound. No woman has any business being locked up in a closet–even an organization-sized cliset.

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