In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

I’ve got a little list

I would hereby like to share my list of ways to completely and totally shut down what you hope will be a productive conversation with a colleague.

1. Insist that the person you’re speaking with is unqualified for their job and lacks the knowledge you bring to the discussion.

2. When the person you’re talking to tells you that they are confident in their work and their position on a particular issue, say that you didn’t mean to imply they’re stupid. Quite the opposite: they’re so smart, they must be able to share your conclusion. Say this with the most insincere smile you can muster.

3. Lecture the person you’re talking to about the need to be reasonable and logical. Emphasize your own reasonableness and ironclad logic, even when encouraging someone to change their position without any evidence to support your conclusions.

4. Maintain (to the point of absurdity) that you can be trusted. Because you’re so, so reasonable. And smart. And right.

5. Ask the other person to see things objectively. Qualify this sentence by saying “Put yourself in X’s shoes,” as though X = objectivity.

6. When informed by the other person that they’re not going to change their position without any evidence of a change in circumstance from when the facts were last reviewed, pout that they’re not trusting you. Remind them that this is unfair and you only want the best outcome. Best is naturally defined by congruence with your own goals and objectives.

7. When the other person continues to demonstrate their resistance to your argument and is clearly tired of hearing it restated with pouting, threaten to make things harder. Remind them of all the ways you can make things complicated and difficult because you’re not getting your way and a pony.

8. Resort to inappropriate uses of the term rape to complain about things that have no relation whatsoever to sexual assault.

9. Try not to pass out in a dead faint when told that rape is the wrong term to used when talking about someone who (at best) was defrauded and (at worst) committed theft. Pout when you realize you’ve been called out.

10. Have a nice day!


14 thoughts on I’ve got a little list

  1. Wow, I wonder what types of comment threads this post is about?

    By the way, the first sentence of point 9 is phrased as actual advice rather than sarcastic advice.

  2. Wow, this is uncanny in how perfectly it matches an extended interaction with a colleague that I had yesterday. However in that case there was also: 11. Fail to remember that the person you’re talking to is actually the one with authority, and can terminate the discussion when her patience for entitled douchebaggery runs out.

  3. This actually mirrors a single conversation I had with a co-worker yesterday. Mansplaining in action!

  4. I’ve got one!

    12. Don’t budge from your position. Repeat the same point over and over. The more you repeat it, the truer it becomes. Accuse the other person of being obstructionist and unwilling to meet you halfway if they continue to disagree. Blame any delays in coming to an agreement on their unwillingness to work with you.

  5. 11. Prefix your response to the other person’s contribution to the discussion with “you don’t get to….”

  6. 13. Redefine the terms of the discussion, and insist that your definitions of terms are right, and that if they other person doesn’t use your terms, you obviously can’t have a discussion with them as they’re being mean.

  7. Dear god, there’s a person in my office who does all of this daily. I’m shuddering while reading. Well done.

  8. “13. Redefine the terms of the discussion, and insist that your definitions of terms are right, and that if they other person doesn’t use your terms, you obviously can’t have a discussion with them as they’re being mean.”

    Oh, god. My ex-boyfriend did this to me. I completely smashed his argument, and then he cleverly explained that ALL ALONG pears really meant televisions, and dictionary definitions of words were for simpletons.

    I then explained to him that language is made of commonly assumed meanings for words, and he called me a stupid cunt. And then I banned him from my life forever. Was a good moment when I realized I didn’t have to put up with his clingy, entitled shit anymore.

  9. Actually, except for the last bit, this sounds more like autism than sexism (not that the two can’t intersect.) Seriously.

    1. Actually, except for the last bit, this sounds more like autism than sexism (not that the two can’t intersect.) Seriously.

      …Seriously?

  10. @bhuesca

    This this this!!

    A friendly debate between me and my boyfriend last night turned into an actual (verbal) fight last night due to your #13 and the OP’s #1. I mean, yes, I understand that particular terms are defined in specific ways in certain disciplines but endless semantics are so TIRESOME! I suppose that’s to be expected when conversing with someone who studies rhetoric, but it’s exhausting when someone constantly disagrees with me based on a reinterpretation of common words, and then acts as if I’m a moron for not having a solid ontological and epistemological basis for presuming a word signifies its colloquial meaning or its standard definition in my own field. (In fairness I should point out that I’m pretty happy the most acrimonious it gets between us is when we have a nit-picky academic disagreement that gets out of hand!)

  11. Actually, except for the last bit, this sounds more like autism than sexism (not that the two can’t intersect.) Seriously.

    Yes, because I clearly cannot distinguish between someone who’s not reading social cues and someone who’s being a patronizing asshole and thinking it’s an effective strategy for getting me to give in.

    I am so, so tired of the “Well, they might not be NT!” trope! It’s true, they might not be. But it’s also true that they might just be assholes. Let’s stop being in denial about the existence of sexist jerks under the guise of anti-abilism. It does Non-NT folks and the jerks a disservice.

  12. What evil fizz said. Let’s also quit insulting non-NT people by jumping to the conclusion that any bad behavior on behalf of anyone is probably because they’re non-NT. It’s pretty fucked up to read an article about someone being a sexist asshole and then conclude, with no further information, “Well he’s probably autistic.”

Comments are currently closed.