In defense of the sanctimonious women's studies set || First feminist blog on the internet

Holy roller

WHAS11 tells us that First Unitarian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, has its first-ever female minister. Yay! And stuff. But whatever. The real story is that minister Dawn Cooley is hiding a dark, fishnetted secret (although not the one I was expecting by the time the news story got around to the big reveal).

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I’m pretty sure they did that entire story solely so they could pull out that “gap between church and skate” line at the end.

Transcript after the jump; full text of Cooley’s sermon at her blog.

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Bebe launches “workwear”, assumes “celebutante” is actual job

Bebe, the clothing store best known for selling skin-tight minidresses and shirts with word bebe (strictly in all lower case) in rhinestones across the bust has decided to branch out into something they’re calling workwear.

I freely concede that since I wear one of these every day, I might be less familiar with trends in work attire than others. It could also be that I just don’t understand how many professions call for five-inch gladiator platforms, fuchsia leggings, a pink, black, and yellow plaid lace up corset, and a black leather shrug. (I also love how the leggings look like they belong on an aerobics instructor.)

The real problem, though is that the biggest question is just left hanging: whose job lets them dress up like Cyndi Lauper?

Also, fingerless black leather gloves? With bows AND rhinestones? Teh Sexay, for sure.

There should be a law.

Photo of a man taking up two subway seats by sitting with his legs spread.

I agree with all of these proposed laws for New York City (especially the standing in line for ten minutes and then not knowing what you want, jesus). Commenters have made some terrible suggestions (banning businesses with AC from leaving their doors wide open? Yes, it’s environmentally disastrous, but that rush of cold air when you’re walking down the sidewalk is the best feeling in the world), so I’ll add a few crucial ones to the list:

1. Standing at the top of the subway stairs, blocking everyone coming in and out, to finish up a conversation on your cellphone, or to figure out where to go next, or to look at your giant map of the city. Step to the side or get fined!

2. Walking into the subway and immediately stopping just inside the doors. The conductor isn’t joking when he says to move inside the car.

3. Walking — or, more commonly, slow-as-fuck sauntering — more than two across on the sidewalk. People have places to go, so pick up the pace or don’t walk in enormous hordes.

4. Tourist highlights. (You know what I’m talking about). Why, God, why?

5. Stopping in the middle of the street to gaze upwards because you just saw a tall building. Stand to the side! Folks have places to be! (Clearly most of my pet peeves revolve around the fact that I am perpetually running late and therefore need to speedwalk down the street to get to my destination, and get extremely salty when people are in my way).

6. Doing any sort of personal foot or nail care on public transportation. The subway is not the place to cut your toenails or fingernails or to remove your feet from your shoes for any reason at all, and if you do that, you should go to jail.

7. Consuming odiferous food on the subway. I’m grossed out by the idea of consuming any sort of food on the subway — do you know what kinds of germs are traveling in those cars, and you are opening your mouth and putting food into it?! — but hey, sometimes you’re in a rush and you have to eat en route to your next destination. I totally get that. But may I suggest a bagel, or a pretzel, or an apple, or perhaps a nice energy bar? A giant container of take-out Chinese or a bag of chicken wings is not the most thoughtful choice.

8. Putting your bag on the subway seat next to you (unless the train is mostly empty and seats are plentiful). There’s already a law against that, but it could use some enforcement. Ditto for putting your feet on the seats. Didn’t your mother raise you better than that?

9. Music on the subway before 10am. Listen, I like a blaring F-train Mariachi band as much as the next girl, but not within two hours of waking up. That goes double — and at all hours — for people whose iPods are turned up so loud I can hear their music beyond their headphones (making me feel like an old woman who wants to shake my finger and warn them that they’re permanently damaging their hearing), and people who don’t even bother with the headphones but instead play their cellphone ringtones out loud over and over and over.

10. Enormous strollers. You live in New York, a city of small spaces and tight squeezes. Your child does not need to be wheeled around in a Cadillac.

11. Leaning on or wrapping your entire body around the subway pole. I don’t like to touch those things either, but on a crowded train you need to just grab on and not block the entire thing with your body.

12. Continuing to read your book, magazine, Kindle, iPad or smartphone after you have exited the train and are now walking. No one in the history of the world is capable of walking and reading at the same time. Put it down.

13. People who walk in the bike lane. Cars that drive or swerve into the bike lane. Cyclists who ride on the sidewalk when there’s a bike lane available, or ride the wrong way down the street.

14. Golf umbrellas. I understand that you don’t want a drop of rain to touch your precious overcoat, but you are sharing the sidewalk with everyone and your four-foot-wide umbrella is very much in the way.

15. Man-sitting (dudes who spread their knees SO WIDE when they sit down, as if they were lugging bowling balls in their pants).

And SO MANY OTHER THINGS, because I am crotchety as hell.

Posted in Fun

Friday Foolishness: Turquoise Jeep Music

I know that my guest blogging time here at Feministe is just about over. And, before I lay one more serious post on y’all, I just had to share something that I absolutely love. Something that keeps me from being too down in the dumps during my period of underemployment. Good people, I present to you Turquoise Jeep Records.

I first found Turquoise Jeep last spring via Twitter, when a friend of mine shared the link to the video for “Wifey Boo.” I didn’t know what to make of it. Was it a parody? Why was Pretty Raheem dancing so hard? And why did Flynt Flossy have such shiny facial hair?

About a week later, I had the distinct pleasure of sitting down to explore the entire Turquoise Jeep catalog via YouTube. I think I watched “Fried or Fertilized” about 10 times in a row. I just couldn’t look away. It seemed so wrong, but so right. The outfits, the songs, the cheesy video effects . . . it was everything I ever want in YouTube silliness!

I tried to spread the gospel about Turquoise Jeep. I followed their Twitter account. I emailed my friends and family, begging them to have a good old fashioned laugh. But nobody was trying to hear me. Not until “Lemme Smang It” hit the interwebs. Before I knew it, I was plowing through a gaggle of Facebook notifications demonstrating my late-to-the-party friends, families and former coworkers. I couldn’t even be mad. I just decided to go with it.

Most recently, Turquoise Jeep has released a video that I feel might be the very best New Jack Swing tribute song ever: Pretty Raheem’s “Can He Move It Like This.” Added bonus: the video is a great take off of Omarion’s “Touch,” but with the loudest Steve Harvey-inspired suits I’ve ever seen in my life. It tickles me so.

Hopefully, y’all can get a kick out of it, too.

Posted in Fun

Summer, Sex and Spirits — and a free ticket!

Summer Sex and Spirits 2011 Flier

Monday July 25th is the 7th annual Summer, Sex & Spirits hosted by the PPNYC Activist Council in New York City. I will be there, and you should come too. There will be an open bar all night, music by New York nightlife legends Justine D and DJ Ayres, and burlesque performances by Calamity Chang, Darlinda Just Darlinda & Ginger Brown.

Tickets are $40 in advance and $50 at the door (or $75 for VIP tickets, which include a pre-party cocktail reception and a fabulous gift bag). All proceeds go to benefit PPNYC’s healthcare services, education programs, and legislative work.

But, because we love PPNYC and PPNYC loves Feministe, we are giving away a free ticket to the fundraiser — we gave one away last week, and now we’re giving away the second. The first person who emails feministe@gmail.com with the correct answer to the following question will get a free ticket to the event:

What organ is considered the male g-spot?

Email your answers NOW! And no googling, cheaters.

(And if you don’t win, you should come to the event anyway).
____________________________________________
Congrats to Thomas for knowing that the answer is “the prostate.”

Summer, Sex and Spirits

Summer Sex and Spirits 2011 Flier

Monday July 25th is the 7th annual Summer, Sex & Spirits hosted by the PPNYC Activist Council in New York City. I will be there, and you should come too. There will be an open bar all night, music by New York nightlife legends Justine D and DJ Ayres, and burlesque performances by Calamity Chang, Darlinda Just Darlinda & Ginger Brown.

Tickets are $40 in advance and $50 at the door (or $75 for VIP tickets, which include a pre-party cocktail reception and a fabulous gift bag). All proceeds go to benefit PPNYC’s healthcare services, education programs, and legislative work.

But, because we love PPNYC and PPNYC loves Feministe, we are giving away two free tickets to the fundraiser — one ticket RIGHT NOW, and one next week. The first person who emails feministe@gmail.com with the correct answer to the following question will get a free ticket to the event:

How many nerve endings does the clitoris have?

Email your answers NOW! And no googling, cheaters.

(And if you don’t win, you should come to the event anyway).
______________________________________
UPDATE: Congrats, Susan, on the winning number! We’ll have one more ticket-off on Monday, so check in then.

You’re such a dog.

Via the Hairpin, this is the funnest game ever: Upload a picture of yourself, and the Doggelganger program will find a dog that looks like you and that is also in your area. Unfortunately the program thinks I am in New Zealand, so I can’t actually go and get my doggelganger Elliot. But look how cute he is! And we are definitely twins. Someone adopt him:

Jill and Elliott the Dog

Ok go play.